To want a third child...

[StrugglingAlbion]

...despite knowing that it makes more sense to stick with two?

My two daughters are very young - 3 and 5 months. When DD2 was born we said that was it, we were done. We probably could financially cover a third but we think we would be able to give our two girls a better life if we just stick at two. Due to complications with childbirth I also worry about having a third - perhaps I have pushed my luck enough. Then there is the impact on my career.

But I can't stop thinking about a third. I feel so sad when I think of DD2 being our last baby. DH is of the "never say never" persuasion but at the moment isn't really up for it. He said "we could have six babies and you'd still feel sad that this was the last one"

Is he right?

I am genuinely so conflicted about it. I mean I know I don't have to decide right now, but still....

I have two. They are teenagers now. Believe me, two teenagers is plenty. They take up a lot of room and are quite expensive and time consuming.

Two kids will have a better time than three if resources are stretched.

You have to consider costs in years to come.

Small children come cheap. When they are older they cost a lot.
Both my kids have iphones.
I spend £200 a month on dance costs for my teenage DD. My son has had a gap year abroad and I was happy to help towards the costs.

I agree with Olenna. I am also one of three.

You are looking at this through rose tinted spectacles. I am inclined to agree with your husband.

Can I suggest that you look at the teenage section on here and read just how difficult and stressful it is to parent teenagers. Children aren't snuggly babies for long.

We've got three, and I knew as soon as I had our last that I was done. Not one broody cell in my body now, and our youngest is 7.

We are having our third in the new year. We felt similar to you that 2 was so much more practical and manageable but we just felt we weren't done. We do however have big gaps. Our other 2 are nearly 8 and 4. For us that has made it much more managable, particularly as neither of us are baby mad!

I think if you just put it on a back burner you will start thinking more clearly as time goes on and you will know whether you really want another one or whether you are just sad that your baby time will soon be over.

Three kids is a crap idea. You run out of hands, parents, somebody always has to sit in the middle of the car...it’s a pita. And the conflict goes through the roof because there is no pressure for the kids to get on, they always have somebody to side with. I’m one of three. It was shit, even with reasonable parents.

I hope I haven’t offended anybody With three. I desperately wanted a third but just couldnt face the reality.

DH wants a third. We debated it for 18 months but in the end I said no.

And now that my 6 year old is ummm being very tricky (he's been high needs since birth and has never grown out of it!) Im glad we've stopped at 2 (though DH still tries to persuade me).

The squabbling between my 2 drives me mad and it starts at 6am sob

fatbergs- you make a good point.

So much is geared to a family of 4. Holidays, train seats.

I have two arms to hug, two knees to sit on.
More kids means a bigger house, more costly for school trips, University fees.

I adore children.

Which is why I stopped at 2.

I have 4. I dont feel done.

Dp says no more.

Spoil sport.

I'm one of three and I agree with Olena two more of no more

Also have two dds: three next minth and eight months. I would love a third, partly as I have always imagined three for some reason, I would like a boy and also I just wabt to do it again. I had a twang on jealousy seeing someone on my facebook was pregnant and that confirmed in my mind that I want another. We would need a larger car, more money, dd1 to be in school and because of the pretty much dibilitating migraines pregnancy causes I would want to be in a position to give up work. If all those things aligned I would definitely try for a third. Otherwise the sensible part of me would accept it itsn't meant to be.

What's this late 30s hormone surge of which you speak?

/misses point of thread

I commented up thread but didn't tell you my experience. I've a 2, 3 and 4yr old. The third has pushed our house into chaos and stress. It's been tough.

And idiot here is now 36 weeks pregnant! But weirdly I think 4 will be easier than 3. My middle child is floundering a bit. The other two gang up on her. I think the 4th will balance us out.

I'm definitely done though!

Mmm middle child syndrome... Realising Xmas eve that there were no presents for u... V easily forgotten as middle child. No matter what you're doing someone is always doing something more important.

I have a 10 month old and a nearly three year old and feel a little like you although probably more inclined to stick with two. Reading some of this is helping!! I think the poster that said having children is irrational isnright though - it's an emotional thing.... strain on my marriage would worry me a lot and the lack of sleep.
I did try to get my she to have the snip as I am genuinely happy with my two dds but he doesn't want to. He said he definitely would after a third (if we ever had one) so I now think he secretly wants a third....

I agree with everyone that it's really early to decide and you should work on being happy with your two and then decide in a couple of years if you want a third or if you're going to stick with your two. That's what I'm doing anyway.
If I ever did have a third I would want a decent age gap as having a two year old at home all day and a young baby has been really hard.

I'm one of 3. I am the middle child. So much bollocks is said and claimed about having 3, in my opinion.

I have 3. In many logical ways, we should have stopped at 2. My life would be much easier right now. But I am so, so very glad we had our 3rd and think that every single day. Going from 2 to 3 was much easier than 1 to 3, in terms of parenting. Our family felt complete once the 3rd was born and I've had no yearnings at all for more.

Middle child syndrome is a result of crappy parenting, not position in the family. Forgetting to buy presents for your child is awful.

I have 3. Aged 4, 3 and 8 months. I am at tge stage where we cant decide if we shoukd have a 4th or not. To the pp who said most of the people they know who have 3 have a lot of help isnt always true. I have never had a baby sitter, both of us do not have any family to help. We have never been out without the kids ib 4 years! Pre baby! But we are happy with this. If you can afford another and can cope with another then go ahead. If not then dont! Its hard, and your hormones are everywhere which makes it harder! I was the same at about 3 months pp very broody as were a few people i know who have had babies xx

Like others, I really wanted a 3rd when dc2 was tiny, then by the time he was about two years old, my hormones had settled. If we won the lottery I'd want 3, and still get broody, but am so happy we have time and resources to have a great time as a family of four.

Student, just because you had a different experience doesn't mean other people's (first hand!) experiences are bollox.

I’m one of 2 and for me it was either 1 or 3!

Having said that, three has been really tough. Especially because I had a really difficult pregnancy, he was premature and then quite poorly.

I would like to understand why those of you with 3 or more still feel that you aren't done with having children.

This is such an alien feeling to me as I have never felt broody in my life. I have one DD BTW.

I found the primary school years the easiest. Secondary school has been hard - bullying, friendship issues, social isolation, boyfriend issues, GCSE, AS and A level exam stress. There is no way I could have coped with that 3 or 4 times.