Ambu to be tired of In laws buying fake Christmas presents?

[thiskittenbarks]

I feel an important preface to this is that my FIL and his wife are very wealthy - as in each family member is getting a brand new Porsche for Christmas(and not that it's relevant but DH didn't grow up with this wealth as his dad ran off and started a new family as soon as he came into money).
Every year they buy us fake designer stuff for Christmas/ birthday. Bad fakes. No harm is done, but I'd rather have a primark handbag than a very obvious fake Dior bag. It's a bit of a waste as I'm simply never going to use them.
When we had our son they got him some fake designer clothes and toys that were from China (ordered off a random website). I felt really uneasy about it (having previously worked in product safety I know that counterfeit products can be genuinely unsafe and toys that don't meet regs can contain lead and all sorts). DH asked them not to do this, as they might not be safe. But we've never said anything about the fake clothes / bags for us.
It does bother me though because I know they would never dream of wearing the stuff themselves. I've been shopping with them loads and seen SMIL spend serious money on designer clothes for herself and her children (my BILs and SILs from FILs second family). Not that that means that she should spend that type of money on us on us but I just feel like its a bit of a slight. They clearly think we are too poor to know that a real Gucci bag probably doesn't come with a headache-inducing stench of polyurethane.

We never know how to react either - are we supposed to pretend we think we have been gifted a real Prada handbag (even though it's stuffed with Chinese newspaper)?? It's really uncomfortable but we tell them every year that they shouldn't spend so much (and that they needn't get us anything at all).

As much as I dislike them, the bad fake handbags don't really do any harm. But this year we received quite a few expensive candles from them. I know they are fake as I've looked at them alongside some from the same shop that I have bought myself. Also the brand don't even make this scent.
I feel like this is a fire risk and I actually feel really annoyed about it. She talked about it as if it was real and I would have though it was if I didn't have several real ones at home to compare it to. I would have assumed it was safe. I feel like she's put my house and my children at risk of fire. Just buy me an aldi one - they smelled exactly like the real deal.
AIBU / AMBungrateful?
I don't know how to stop this madness. It's such a waste of money and I can't even donate the stuff to charity shops as they can't sell counterfeit goods.

I don't think FIL does know they are fake. She does all the shopping and he is a bit clueless about that type of thing.
He was apparently shocked when we asked them not to get knockoff stuff for our babies (due to safety concerns)...but then he said she'd bought baby a travel cot that was obviously from China as the box was covered in non-sensical English translations, and he'd made her send it back. So he must have some clue.

Ugh it's just such a snub isn't it. I remember at 19 asking my dad for some ghds for Christmas. I saw him twice a year if that since my parents split when I was 10. He'd chosen every woman he'd ever met over me but his once saving grace was that he'd always paid maintenance to my mum until I was 17.
Anyway he bought me fakes. It felt like what it was, him saying you aren't worth spending good money on or coming to see. I probably spent more on him than he had me.

I think DH should discuss with DFIL before Christmas Day. Staying both the ethical and dangerous elements of fakes and requesting this year there are no gifts instead of fakes.

Sorry stating not saying!

“ReanimatedSGB Not true. LV's for example are made in France and take approx 6 hours to make a bag. The stitching is impeccable and you will never find a flaw. Part of the premium, aside from the quality materials, is the fact that they are made ethically by someone who is being exploited. “

A huge part of the price premium is the advertising and marketing budgets
i like LV but while LV are stitched in France they do have factories in China. And I have seen flawed LV on the shop floor (although that was only once and I agree they are in general very well made) Prada is another story though their quality control is through the floor!!!

I the advice suggesting faux concern about them losing their marbles is off the mark... I’d just ask in front of everyone for a gift receipt and see how that plays out... then go down the health and safety route. SMIL is likely the gifter/culprit so perhaps get your husband to speak to his dad about the danger/ bad taste and suggest gift vouchers or cash going forward

I like SilverBirch’s suggestion:

If you just want to stop receiving fakes without giving offence, I suggest saying to FIL that you used to think fakes were a bit of fun (such good copies, thanks so much, we really enjoyed them) but you've read about how they finance criminal behaviour and don't feel right about it anymore. No gifts is fine or just small gifts like flowers

I doubt that this can be considered rude, plus it tips FIL the wink that his wife is buying cheap crap either because she wants to deliberately sleight you or just thinks you wont know the difference (both of which make her sound vile - is she vile?)

‘Gosh, thank you so much for this. Some of these can be reasonably convincing if you don’t have your contacts in, can’t they?’

There is a lot of evidence that knock-offs can in fact do harm and are linked to organisd crime.

Also, you can usually tell them a mile off. I volunteer in a charity shop and we get a lot of "Louis Vuitton" and "Gucci" bags which are anything but and you can usually tell very easily - the stitching, the leather, the attention to detail. And selling fakes is illegal so we have to bin them.

OP I think you need to start asking for vouchers.... Hate knock offs of all types.

All this carry on! Does your H not have a spine? 'We've decided not to exchange gifts anymore.' 'Why not?' 'Because the fake knock offs you buy us are dangerous. The company doesn't even make that scent, it's a knock off. We had to bin them because the fakes don't burn evenly. Let's just forgo gifts from now on, it's easier.'

The end.

I think it’s horribly insulting of SMIL. She clearly thinks you’re uneducated oiks who can’t tell the difference between fake and real. Or worse she knows you know and is doing it to pretend to FIL that she’s spent lots of money on the gifts.

I’d tell her that you tried the candles last year but they started hissing so you brought them to the shop where embarrassingly you discovered they weren’t made by them.

I’d suggest to her that you stop exchanging gifts and just meet up instead.

They seriously buy their kids a porsche each? Every year? Can't you ask to be gifted a secondhand porsche from last year instead of a fake candle?

I'd do what mudcity said!

I think your issue is not that you are being given sub par stuff but that your DH is clearly being treated differently to the other children.

This goes deeper than the gifts and forcing them to provide better gifts will not change their attitude towards him. I would be wary of how you act because you don't want to make things harder for DH.

Chat with him and make sure he is on board with whatever you do x

Sorry if anyone else has said this already - I don't have the time to read all responses ... does FIL know all this stuff is fake? Or is his wife pretending that she's spending shitloads on his first family as well as her own? My friend has a habit of buying me fake stuff and my DH wouldn't have a clue what's real and what isn't. I'm not a fan of fakes as the bags and shoes stink of glue and the jewellery is probably full of crap I shouldn't have anywhere near my body. As others have said, why not say lets not do presents for adults anymore. I did this with my family and DH's family a few years ago, and it's great! And there are hidden risks with fakes - I think I've read that a lot of gangs/terror groups are funded by the fake designer industry.

I would call them out on it and just tell them it's nice they buy you presents but none of it suits you and you aren't going to use it so stop buying you things.
Or you go the other route and say something is broken do they have the receipt as it should be under warranty for faults. See how they react to that.
Tell them you lit one of the candles and it gave off such strong chemical smells you've had to throw them away so you are just letting them know incase they bought some for themselves they should avoid using them or take them back.

Tell them that you don't want to receive fake goods anymore because you don't want to fund criminal activity and that you would prefer no presents to those.

I agree with @crazycatgal. Just be straight down the line about it, if you do the 'we took it back to the shop' thing then you would be proving the horrible cow right that you can't tell the difference between real and fake. 'I hope you don't mind, but we would prefer not to exchange gifts any more. Some of the knock off things you buy could be quite dangerous - like the candles - and we feel uneasy about funding criminal activity.' Face to face would be better if you have the balls!

I had this very same problem when MIL went through a phase of buying naff fakes for all of us. She knew they were knock-offs but pretended they were genuine to us. I went down the hammy faux concerned 'I'm so sorry to have to break this to you but you've been conned. This is a very poor LV knock-off. Look - here's the made in China label! I'm only telling you in the hope that you don't get ripped off again' etc. She went rather red and cross but that put a stop to the nonsense.

Ps, hope somebody gets you a nice, genuine candle for Christmas this year! I have my eye on the Roses one by Diptyque x

Your DH needs to have a conversation with his DF not just about knock off dangerous candles but about how he is being treated overall. The resentment and hurt at being treated as second rate or lesser than his DFs new family will eat away at him. How horrible to treat you all like this and think that it’s ok.

Story re Primark candle
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42269648

How irritating. But to be honest, Id just say thank you then bin it.

I'd probably say "I hate to say this, and this is really awkward but I think you may have been ripped off. Were these sold as genuine? I wouldn't have said anything except I hate to think of you being conned by criminals having spent so much money."

Just give it all to a charity shop....