Ambu to be tired of In laws buying fake Christmas presents?

[thiskittenbarks]

I feel an important preface to this is that my FIL and his wife are very wealthy - as in each family member is getting a brand new Porsche for Christmas(and not that it's relevant but DH didn't grow up with this wealth as his dad ran off and started a new family as soon as he came into money).
Every year they buy us fake designer stuff for Christmas/ birthday. Bad fakes. No harm is done, but I'd rather have a primark handbag than a very obvious fake Dior bag. It's a bit of a waste as I'm simply never going to use them.
When we had our son they got him some fake designer clothes and toys that were from China (ordered off a random website). I felt really uneasy about it (having previously worked in product safety I know that counterfeit products can be genuinely unsafe and toys that don't meet regs can contain lead and all sorts). DH asked them not to do this, as they might not be safe. But we've never said anything about the fake clothes / bags for us.
It does bother me though because I know they would never dream of wearing the stuff themselves. I've been shopping with them loads and seen SMIL spend serious money on designer clothes for herself and her children (my BILs and SILs from FILs second family). Not that that means that she should spend that type of money on us on us but I just feel like its a bit of a slight. They clearly think we are too poor to know that a real Gucci bag probably doesn't come with a headache-inducing stench of polyurethane.

We never know how to react either - are we supposed to pretend we think we have been gifted a real Prada handbag (even though it's stuffed with Chinese newspaper)?? It's really uncomfortable but we tell them every year that they shouldn't spend so much (and that they needn't get us anything at all).

As much as I dislike them, the bad fake handbags don't really do any harm. But this year we received quite a few expensive candles from them. I know they are fake as I've looked at them alongside some from the same shop that I have bought myself. Also the brand don't even make this scent.
I feel like this is a fire risk and I actually feel really annoyed about it. She talked about it as if it was real and I would have though it was if I didn't have several real ones at home to compare it to. I would have assumed it was safe. I feel like she's put my house and my children at risk of fire. Just buy me an aldi one - they smelled exactly like the real deal.
AIBU / AMBungrateful?
I don't know how to stop this madness. It's such a waste of money and I can't even donate the stuff to charity shops as they can't sell counterfeit goods.

Tell her you're heading to France and does she have the certificate of authenticity for the Dior bag, because you know how French customs are about fake bags.... (they will take it for destruction and likely hit you with an on-the-spot fine).

You need to call them out on the fakery, "I'm sorry to have to mention this but fake candles are really dangerous, I can't accept them, please take them back and try and get a refund for yourself, we are happy just to see you"
Hopefully that would put a stop to this nonsense. Although secretly I like the passive aggressive idea of, "Oh, what a shame I am allergic to oil of whatever the scent is, never mind I've had this happen before, I'll take it back to shop and swap it, they have great customer service there'
It is probably best to be straight up with them though.

Gift them back next Christmas. Claim you/your DH had got a good bonus at work, and spent lots of cash on the presents.

What you should say/do depends on what you're trying to achieve.

Do you just want to receive different/no gifts instead of fakes?

Or do you want to make some kind of point about the inequality between FIL's first and second families?

Do you care about giving offence?

If you just want to stop receiving fakes without giving offence, I suggest saying to FIL that you used to think fakes were a bit of fun (such good copies, thanks so much, we really enjoyed them) but you've read about how they finance criminal behaviour and don't feel right about it anymore. No gifts is fine or just small gifts like flowers.

If you want to wade into your husband's childhood and what odious people they are- that's something I would leave until January. December is crazy enough

YANBU, I’m sure I saw on TV, or possibly read somewhere, that some money from fake designer goods has been traced to terrorist activities, not just criminal.

I would bring that up in conversation.

I’m almost sure it came up on a BBC day time programme, Fake Britain.

How about turning round to her and tell her are they Ok financially, as you have kept quiet about the fake goods she sends you each xmas, but the candles worry you as they are a fire risk..
This sounds like a good suggestion, noninflammatory, covers your main points, hopefully embarrass MIL's arrogance. I don't get the fake as well, why buy low quality fake for the same price as medium quality non branded?!

I would imagine that it is your SMIL buying the presents. I think that you should have a discrete chat with her regarding where her money is actually going-she's basically finding terrorists and smugglers. Just say that, while you appreciate the gifts you are very uncomfortable with the moral repercussions and that you would really prefer them to not give you gifts rather than buying fakes. It's just a bit shocking that they do this really and I don't see any reason why you should be polite about it.

Please don't do all the passive aggressive stuff. Just open them with a sense of humour and make it into a joke.If they are doing it to be knobs it is hard to the maintain the upper hand if everyone's enjoying the joke.

Why wouldn't you tell them? My DP bought me a pair of uggs that were very obvious fakes (they were actually painful to wear, rather than the luxurious softness and comfort of real uggs) for Christmas two years ago. On Boxing Day, I sat them down and asked concernedly where they had purchased the boots, I then explained that they had been conned, that the boots were not real and that I thought they should report the seller to the police.

I would take the same concerned steps in your place, state that you are genuinely concerned that they are being conned out of a lot of money. That you know that they would never buy cheap imitation or counterfeit goods, so they must be being conned by someone. Ask for the receipt/ details of the shop that they bought them from. Tell them that you intend to hand the handbag/ toy to the police and would appreciate the details of where they purchased the item so that you can assist the police/ trading standards as much as possible. Mention your job and experience of how dangerous counterfeit items can be!

I honestly despise counterfeit products, when I first met my DH's family, his Aunts and cousins took me to this hair salon, where they were choosing from and buying obviously counterfeit and poor quality designer bags and purses. My DH's Aunts ridiculed me because I chose to keep my Next handbag, rather than spend over £100 on fake poor quality handbags. They continued to ridicule me, so I told them
'if I wanted to spend over a £100 on a handbag, then it would at least be a good quality leather handbag, not a cheap imitation of a Louis Voutton' !

I think in this instance would play innocent and say something like

"I'm really sorry to tell you, I think those candles are fake, you've been ripped off, I will give you them back and you can return them to the supplier".

Next year

"God, I hate to say it, that bags defintely a fake, you need to take it back to the suppliers you've been ripped off again"

And keep doing it till they stop.

Am mildly interested to learn about the dangers of 'fake' candles'. But all the whining about the unethical nature of fake handbags - FFS. The real ones are often made in sweatshops, too, and the materials identical.

I use normal candles (ikea, whatever) and I do not think they are particularly less safe than fancy candles if they are not knocked over or left unattended. I think you will look ridiculously precious talking about cheap candles being "really dangerous".
I'd go with the "are you OK? are you coping all right? ... just letting you know, you've been had ... modern world is so hard" line. I agree you should say something. (and then report back here on what they said and how it went!)

I also love ikea candles - it's 100% not about the cheapness of them! I trust ikea totally that their candles are safe. But fake goods have fake ingredients lists and could contain any type of chemical. They are made by unscrupulous people who are just looking to make money without any regard for the law. They won't have passed any safety tests. The makers put another company's name on the products and so have no one to answer to if it all goes wrong.
I might be being over dramatic- but it's not about how cheap it was it's about that fact it's been made by some CF who doesn't care about the law - that's not the type of thing I want to be setting light to in my home

cordelia Fake candles have two key risks, one is that if they are in a glass pot the glass isn't always heat proof and can explode. The second is that that the materials put in the wax to scent it are often excessively flammable and can cause the whole candle to melt at once rather than burn down gradually or turn into a little fire ball. All of these things are fire risks.

Candles at ikea although cheap and cheerful will have undergone safety tests, fake candles will not.

Cross post with kittens.

The problem is that the fake ones are made in utterly unregulated conditions - I use cheap candles too, ones that have been properly made but are pound shop and ikea rather than Jo Malone. The fake ones purporting to be Jo Malone are made god knows where, with glass that isn't up to handling the heat and wax that can catch alight. That's what people are worrying about with the fakes - ones that are just not designer are fine.

And yes real handbags are often made in sweatshops too, but at least there's a hope of some kind of regulation there - and the OP has already said that she tries to buy ethical products, the fake ones are most definitely not that.

And to answer your question OP I think you just need to be honest with them. "We appreciate you giving us gifts but we'd honestly just rather have something small or nothing at all than fake gear - we've learned recently that the profits from them are being used for all sorts of awful things, and we're worried about the materials used and conditions they're made in. I'm sorry it took us so long to come clean about this and we really do appreciate the thought behind them."

ReanimatedSGB Not true. LV's for example are made in France and take approx 6 hours to make a bag. The stitching is impeccable and you will never find a flaw. Part of the premium, aside from the quality materials, is the fact that they are made ethically by someone who is being exploited. Depends on which designers you're talking about but generally most high end brands' products are made in this way. My aunt was a seamstress for Salvatore Ferragamo and then Chloe for many years and she used to wax lyrical about their ethical processes and how it is ultimately worth the money if you can afford it.

Tell her you took them back to the shop as you were concerned about (something or other), and were shocked to find out they were fake. Then watch their faces.

We had Christmas candles from a Chinese market the year I was 12. Not fake designer ones, just ordinary dinner candles, (because we lived in China at the time, not because we'd gone out of our way to source them). The wick of one fell out the side of the candle just as we finished Christmas dinner, set light to the rather large fake greenery table centre (also from market), which in turn set light to the table cloth (also from market). Within literally 30 seconds as we watched open-mouthed the entire dining room table was on fire. Efforts to douse it proved futile so my mum and dad grabbed an edge of table cloth each, folded it in on itself and threw it out of the dining room window. Complete with the remains of Christmas dinner and most of their fancy china and crystal glasses. This genuinely all took less than a minute and the ceiling was already scorched .

So yes - no to unregulated Chinese candles!

I think buying the fake stuff is a really small issue compared with the whole family picture. I'd just say thanks and bin the candles and give the rest the stuff to the charity shop who can bin them or sell them as they wish.

I definitely wouldn't bother with any of the PA crap and I couldn't be arsed to have it out with them.

I'm really curious to know which brand the candle is meant to be and what the fake scent is? 👀 Have you still got it?

I agree with Bluntness, act innocent but shocked and comment on how it is good you noticed as could be very dangerous and also important to report. You don't think they are making their money in counterfeit goods do you OP?

Does FIL know they are fake

I would certainly like to know how he feels about his wife gifting his children fake cheap things

If they don't know they are twats by now pointing it out to them isn't going to do anything but stir up trouble. Unless they ask say 'thanks' and bin them. Sounds like your FIL did your DH a favour by not being around and spoiling him like his other children.