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Original poster

Ambu to be tired of In laws buying fake Christmas presents?

150 replies

thiskittenbarks · 18/12/2017 20:53

I feel an important preface to this is that my FIL and his wife are very wealthy - as in each family member is getting a brand new Porsche for Christmas(and not that it's relevant but DH didn't grow up with this wealth as his dad ran off and started a new family as soon as he came into money).
Every year they buy us fake designer stuff for Christmas/ birthday. Bad fakes. No harm is done, but I'd rather have a primark handbag than a very obvious fake Dior bag. It's a bit of a waste as I'm simply never going to use them.
When we had our son they got him some fake designer clothes and toys that were from China (ordered off a random website). I felt really uneasy about it (having previously worked in product safety I know that counterfeit products can be genuinely unsafe and toys that don't meet regs can contain lead and all sorts). DH asked them not to do this, as they might not be safe. But we've never said anything about the fake clothes / bags for us.
It does bother me though because I know they would never dream of wearing the stuff themselves. I've been shopping with them loads and seen SMIL spend serious money on designer clothes for herself and her children (my BILs and SILs from FILs second family). Not that that means that she should spend that type of money on us on us but I just feel like its a bit of a slight. They clearly think we are too poor to know that a real Gucci bag probably doesn't come with a headache-inducing stench of polyurethane.

We never know how to react either - are we supposed to pretend we think we have been gifted a real Prada handbag (even though it's stuffed with Chinese newspaper)?? It's really uncomfortable but we tell them every year that they shouldn't spend so much (and that they needn't get us anything at all).

As much as I dislike them, the bad fake handbags don't really do any harm. But this year we received quite a few expensive candles from them. I know they are fake as I've looked at them alongside some from the same shop that I have bought myself. Also the brand don't even make this scent.
I feel like this is a fire risk and I actually feel really annoyed about it. She talked about it as if it was real and I would have though it was if I didn't have several real ones at home to compare it to. I would have assumed it was safe. I feel like she's put my house and my children at risk of fire. Just buy me an aldi one - they smelled exactly like the real deal.
AIBU / AMBungrateful?
I don't know how to stop this madness. It's such a waste of money and I can't even donate the stuff to charity shops as they can't sell counterfeit goods.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 18/12/2017 21:15

I would just tell them that you know everything they give you is a knock off and you're tired of being complicit in criminal activity.

Amatree · 18/12/2017 21:17

That's awful! I agree with suggestions to say something along the lines of 'it's really quite convincing isn't it' perhaps with an added tinkly laugh. Make sure they know you know they're fake goods. That's if you don't want to address it head on-don't blame you, how do you bring something like that up?

perfectstorm · 18/12/2017 21:18

Is it possible, particularly if they haven't always had money, they're fondly thinking they've nabbed a bargain and they're just not looking carefully/not very good at recognising fakes?

Honestly, no. Not if they buy genuine for themselves. There is just such a chasm in quality between the two unless the fakes are so close to the real that they're probably slight seconds from the same manufacturing site.

If the OP can tell this easily, then the people familiar with those brands absolutely can.

Original poster
thiskittenbarks · 18/12/2017 21:20

Yeah the ethical problems with counterfeit goods are huge. That side of it alway upset me, as I try to be an ethical consumer as much as poss. But the whole fire risk thing has just infuriated me. Why put our babies and Home at risk for the sake of looking like you are giving an expensive gift while saving a few quid.
I'm pregnant at the moment and there could be any type of dangerous chemical in that candle and my children and I would just be sat there breathing it all in.
I think I'll have to say something..:

OP posts:
LazyDailyMailJournos · 18/12/2017 21:20

Another one saying that you should stick them in a cupboard and re-gift them. And if they complain that it's fake stuff then cheerfully tell them what you've done and watch the excuses start...

mummmy2017 · 18/12/2017 21:25

How about turning round to her and tell her are they Ok financially, as you have kept quiet about the fake goods she sends you each xmas, but the candles worry you as they are a fire risk..

MotherofaSurvivor · 18/12/2017 21:28

Def say something. However make sure they know it's a fire risk as they may not realise fake candles are a risk: I certainly didn't. Then they may think you're just being fussy. Be clear about why these fakes upset you x

Lanaorana2 · 18/12/2017 21:29

Such a shame their showing off doesn't extend to bragging by spending. Chuck everything now. If they ask, say how sorry you were to have to bin it all as dodgy candles might blow the house up.

GlitteryStag · 18/12/2017 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 18/12/2017 21:30

I'd end gift-giving with them entirely. Just say you're not doing them anymore. If they ask, tell them the truth, that you don't want fake good because they are associated with great ethical issues so you'd rather have nowt.

FannyFanakapan · 18/12/2017 21:32

or tell her you took them back to the gucci/prada/burberry store, but you've been told they were fake - huge embarrassment all round, hope they have the receipts/proof of purchase still because someone diddled them. Oh and a small lecture about caveat emptor and how even with their refined and expensive tastes in designer gear, they can still be ripped off.

Original poster
thiskittenbarks · 18/12/2017 21:32

Thanks guys, yes, I think I will have to say something.
And yes the difference between the way the children from the first and second marriage are treated is astonishing to me but DH just can't bring himself to say anything and the wounds run incredibly deep (DH went to one of worst schools in the UK ((thankfully as I met him there)), 2nd marriage kids went to one of the most expensive private schools in the UK, DH 1st car was a 10 year old Corsa that he worked in 2 jobs to save up for - his step-brother who has still to this day (at age 30) never had a job got a 40k Bwm on his 17th birthday!
Fake candles are just the tip of the iceberg! But this is once instance where it actually is my business so I can say something...or make DH say something on our behalf..

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 18/12/2017 21:33

I’d have A Very Serious conversation with them about The Bad People doing a Very Naughty Thing and selling them fakes when they have paid for the real thing.

The tone you are going for is “poor old people who didn’t realise that it wasn’t very sensible to put all their savings under the bed”.

Make sure you use the phrases “the modern world is very hard isn’t it” and “as you get older you aren’t as sharp as you were and it is easier for unscrupulous types to take advantage” at least three times in your most caring tones.

You need to check if they are “coping”- a lot - and perhaps pull out some brochures for “a lovely home for you” and don’t forget to add “and look - there is a proper nursing wing in this one just in case...”

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/12/2017 21:34

They're probably fake Porsches GlitteryStag Grin They break down on journeys over 20 minutes and the bodywork is made of chipboard.

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2017 21:35

I do think you might be overplaying the dangers of cheap candies......Grin

But it does all sound a bit wierd. I'd just charity shop the stuff after Christmas.

GlitteryStag · 18/12/2017 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmilyChambers79 · 18/12/2017 21:39

Open them then either leave them at there's when you leave or re gift them back next year. If you don't want the candle in the house, bin it.

And the candle will only be a danger if you light it, I doubt it will spontaneously combust.

FlashTheSloth · 18/12/2017 21:39

They need to be told. Or I'd just chuck it as soon as they left. They have no regard for your feelings so why bother with theirs.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/12/2017 21:39

He he With a bumper sticker "I asked for a Porsche and got this lousy Clio" Grin

Lanaorana2 · 18/12/2017 21:47

MN is notorious as the spiritual home of amusing overreaction; but in this case OP I'm with you - dodgy candles can be bloody dangerous, low flashpoints and all that.

Even worse news than toxic relations, who are damaging you emotionally this year with a 'gift' that as a blithe afterthought damages your physical safety. Classy.

You can see why this has hit home this year, can't you. Sorry for you, but you're better off without them.

SchoolMoney · 18/12/2017 21:49

Keep regifting them back 'since you like it so much'. For everyone saying OP is overpaying the danger, I've had 2 cheap candles explode with glass flying everywhere. yes I should learnt the first time but I thought it just bad luck

ZenNudist · 18/12/2017 21:51

Just end gift giving with them and stop having much to do with them.

Rudgie47 · 18/12/2017 21:54

I agree that its for your husband to tell his Dad that you want vouchers or money from now on not any more fake goods.
I'd be emphasing the safety perspective and that you are both basically uncomfortable withe receiving their gifts.
I agree you have to be carefull with candles, my friend fell asleep and one cockled over and she had to be rescued by the fire service. All she had left in the world was her nightdress. The house totally burned down.

usualGubbins · 18/12/2017 21:58

I would be all indignant on their behalf and say something like 'did you know that this isn't real? you've been conned! If you let me have the name of the trader I will report them to the Action Fraud police team'

NB for reference www.actionfraud.police.uk/fraud_protection/counterfeit_goods

Ashamedandblamed · 18/12/2017 22:04

Just out of interest what do you buy / counterfeit (joking) for them ? Grin

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