Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re xmas do

79 replies

xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 15:08

I genuinely want to know what is reasonable here. My family and DHs family are all completely unreasonable and I am struggling with very poor health at the moment so would value guidance.

I have a small business and employ a couple of part time admin assistants and a few contractors when we are busy. I have always paid for an Xmas do for us all as a thank you for all the hard work. Just a meal and some drinks, all booked for Sat night. Only 8 of us, I get the bill and take a small gift for everyone - really enjoy thanking them for their hard work.

On Friday one of my admin assistants was in a very odd mood (only been with me for a month) and kept doing slightly 'off' things like making himself a drink, checking texts (no personal phones allowed in office). I took him aside and asked if all was ok and he started laughing and said I was 'making a big deal of nothing' and laughed. I told him we needed to work as a team and to let me know if there was anything bothering him. On Sun morning at 3am he sent me a rant and unpleasant text - clearly drunken - listing my many shortcomings and handing his notice in with an X Factor style 'my journey is complete and my heart isn't in it' msg that seemed rather OTT for what had been an 8 hour a week admin role. I replied this morning thanking him for his text and accepting his notice, saying I wished him luck in the future.

My AIBU is - do I need to TELL him not to come on Sat? He is thick skinned and I don't want him to just turn up and spoil the atmosphere of what should be a relaxed and laid back evening when I am thanking people. WWYD? I don't want to seem petty by telling him overtly he cant come!

Sorry if this sounds weak and unprofessional. I have been really unwell and am taking medication that is affecting my thinking straight. Between my awful family, Xmas lists to things to do and my working week I cant seem to think straight.

Thank you.

OP posts:
londonloves · 18/12/2017 15:11

Would you feel comfortable texting him to say that you assume now he won't be coming to the party? Has he actually left or will he still be working a few more weeks?

House4 · 18/12/2017 15:15

Yes definitely spell it out to him but sandwich it in between a text about last working dates or last wages payment. If you don't tell him and he turns up it could spoil a nice evening.

CaptainChristmas · 18/12/2017 15:16

I’d probably tell him not to come, based on the fact he got drunk and text-ranted at you. Completely reasonable to want to avoid a repeat in person.

Twinkie1 · 18/12/2017 15:16

Seriously in a heartbeat I’d be withdrawing his invitation, rude, childish fucker.

Beakyplinders · 18/12/2017 15:18

He needs to be told, chances are no one else wants him there either as he is far from being in the Christmas spirit and he could so easily spoil a lovely evenung for everyone.

Original poster
xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 15:22

He only works 2 x 4 hour shifts a week and was still in probationary period so he has no notice period to work. I paid him up to date today and just want to move on, I don't want him to turn up, it would ruin the night.

Right, I'll woman up and compose a text. Thanks

OP posts:
PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 18/12/2017 15:43

Tell him you don’t expect to see him at the party as it is for employees and he has now left. But explain that you just wanted to be sure he understood that he was no in-invited.

iboughtsnowboots · 18/12/2017 15:45

Yup, tell him politely and firmly, wish him well and make it make the night out offer is withdrawn. Deciding a role isn't for you and handing in your notice is fine, drunken ranting isn't. Hopefully due to your many short comings he isn't planning on attending anyway 😏

iboughtsnowboots · 18/12/2017 15:46

Argh, make it clear

Trinity66 · 18/12/2017 15:46

He'd have some cheek to turn up...but you never know, put you mind at ease and text him I'd say

Namechangetempissue · 18/12/2017 15:47

How unprofessional to send a pissed text at 3am! Sending the text is a good idea, hope he doesn't just turn up!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 18/12/2017 15:48

God, what a twat he is. He's likely to feature on the Relationships board in the future.

Original poster
xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 15:48

It will be a lovely evening I am sure, were a mixed group of single and married mums who all juggle work/home etc etc and support each other. It was a mistake to take himont with hindsight, his sister worked for me for years and was amazing so I felt indebted somehow. I've learned anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 15:52

My shortcomings included 'being obsessed with work' - which is kind of the point of you know, being at work, surely! Haha Grin also 'you take calls at work and I am not allowed to' because I am taking client calls not arranging my weekend! and the best I 'shouldn't expect (him) to make hot drinks because he didn't apply for a job in a f*ing cafe!' ahhhh to be 19 again eh? The whole world, stretching out full of promise. A world where your boss lets you call and text at work and you are made drinks by her whilst you Netflix and Chill.

OP posts:
iboughtsnowboots · 18/12/2017 16:05

Poor chap, the world of work is going to be a horrible shock for him! Have a great night out.

Knittedfairies · 18/12/2017 16:14

Clueless doesn’t seem adequate in this case....

SaucyJack · 18/12/2017 16:20

Oh YANBU!

Handily, if you've just paid his owed salary this afternoon you've got a good opening into politely worded "Fuck off and never darken my doorstep again" type text.

Viviennemary · 18/12/2017 16:23

I do think you are a bit unreasonable for telling somebody off for making themselves a drink and checking a text. Sounds as if this irritated him and he sent you a message when he was drunk saying what he thought of you which was silly, immature and unprofessional.

He might come on MN and say he has been uninvited to the party with a sob story. (Not likely really!) I think he should be allowed to come if he likes if he has already been invited. But it's up to you.

AntiHop · 18/12/2017 16:23

Tell him to bog off.

ZigZagandDustin · 18/12/2017 16:25

I wouldn't feel in the slightest bit nervous considering what he has said to you to text him and say under no circumstances can he come to the party.

How about

Hi John, I meant to say on my last text to avoid any confusion that we wouldn't be expecting to see you at the party on Saturday and to let you know your seat has been cancelled. All the best, Xmasgrinch.

OhforfucksakeFay · 18/12/2017 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZigZagandDustin · 18/12/2017 16:26

In my last text..

BrieAndChilli · 18/12/2017 16:27

You don’t live near me do you? We’ve just found out our boss is going bankrupt so none of us are going to be paid this month. Currently looking for a part time admin job with a family friendly employer!! Wink

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 18/12/2017 16:27

He is no longer an employee, therefore not invited surely

gunsandbanjos · 18/12/2017 16:31

I’d definitely text him as he sounds like the entitled sort who would turn up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread