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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re xmas do

79 replies

xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 15:08

I genuinely want to know what is reasonable here. My family and DHs family are all completely unreasonable and I am struggling with very poor health at the moment so would value guidance.

I have a small business and employ a couple of part time admin assistants and a few contractors when we are busy. I have always paid for an Xmas do for us all as a thank you for all the hard work. Just a meal and some drinks, all booked for Sat night. Only 8 of us, I get the bill and take a small gift for everyone - really enjoy thanking them for their hard work.

On Friday one of my admin assistants was in a very odd mood (only been with me for a month) and kept doing slightly 'off' things like making himself a drink, checking texts (no personal phones allowed in office). I took him aside and asked if all was ok and he started laughing and said I was 'making a big deal of nothing' and laughed. I told him we needed to work as a team and to let me know if there was anything bothering him. On Sun morning at 3am he sent me a rant and unpleasant text - clearly drunken - listing my many shortcomings and handing his notice in with an X Factor style 'my journey is complete and my heart isn't in it' msg that seemed rather OTT for what had been an 8 hour a week admin role. I replied this morning thanking him for his text and accepting his notice, saying I wished him luck in the future.

My AIBU is - do I need to TELL him not to come on Sat? He is thick skinned and I don't want him to just turn up and spoil the atmosphere of what should be a relaxed and laid back evening when I am thanking people. WWYD? I don't want to seem petty by telling him overtly he cant come!

Sorry if this sounds weak and unprofessional. I have been really unwell and am taking medication that is affecting my thinking straight. Between my awful family, Xmas lists to things to do and my working week I cant seem to think straight.

Thank you.

OP posts:
iboughtsnowboots · 18/12/2017 17:40

Also when working with our clients our private phones are not taken into the room now that I think it through.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/12/2017 17:42

have filled his post already

Bugger!

Hot beverages are my greatest strength . . .

Viviennemary · 18/12/2017 17:47

Sorry but this would irritate me too. I thought this tea-boy stuff had died a death years ago. I think it is a pain in an office if you can't make yourself a quick drink without having to go round and ask everybody else if they want one, what do they want. too much like hard work.

Jux · 18/12/2017 17:56

Gosh, he sounds awful. I've worked with many people, and I've never known a man to refuse to make drinks. I worked for a barrister once, and even he offered to make drinks for me now and then.

Glad you got rid of him. Bet he turns up on Saturday anyway, though; surely he's entitled to a meal after having to work with you all?

Good luck. Hope you've seen the back of him.

SemolinaSilkpaws · 18/12/2017 17:56

I think you sound a great boss, paying for a Christmas do for your staff and a pressie each.

One month into a job and he has attitude, I would have replied to his text and told him he had saved me the trouble of sacking him. I cannot see the problem of coping without your phone for a couple of hours and making the odd drink for people.

He sounds as if he would get on well with the flexitime CF in another thread who used to jaunt off to return her husbands wedding ring. Watch out OP he may send mummy round to tip coffee in your handbag,

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 18/12/2017 17:57

I've never seen such a bizarre attitude to work than I have on MN. Posters queue up in outrage that some staff are expected to do their work rather than play on their phone. And heaven forbid you expect a teenager to make anyone a drink 🙄

I commented on a thread recently to say that I don't allow my staff to wear headphones because I need to be in constant communication with them. Boy was I torn a new one. Got told I am stripping them of a human right and that I'm DEFINITELY breaking the law and I couldn't possibly need to always be talking to them (even though no one knew my profession they knew best).

Original poster
xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 18:12

Well then Vivienne, I suggest you don't apply for a job which is basically, making drinks and filing.

OP posts:
Original poster
xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 18:15

Cherry - FFS headphones!!

OP posts:
DivisionBelle · 18/12/2017 18:30

“How odd that you don't allow phones in the office”

The OP had posted that “phones and cameras are not allowed in the working environment “.

Didn’t that give you a clue that it was a place (NOT an office) that has sensitivities about pictures or privacy?

And Vivienne: not all workplaces are offices. There are places where clients, service users, patients, visitors etc need to be offered a hot drink and it isn’t the lead professional who makes it.

TeeBee · 18/12/2017 18:38

A lot of places don't allow phones because, well, you're supposed to be working. Phones are too much of a distraction for some people.

Viviennemary · 18/12/2017 18:41

I have done both in my time. But not for entitled folk that think it's beneath them to make tea for others.

Butterymuffin · 18/12/2017 18:41

If he didn't like the workplace phone / drinks making policy, he had two choices: make a reasoned case to his employer about why it should be different and see if they're open to change, or look for another job. What has changed zero employers' minds, ever, is receiving an arsy email sent by a junior staff member in the middle of the night.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 18/12/2017 18:44

I'm Hmm at people who think teens should just be able to walk into a great job and not do any menial work ever. No wonder they're all so bloody entitled

You sound like a great boss OP it's very kind to pay for a night out and present for your staff!

Original poster
xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 18:46

I have other assistants who value the opportunity to earn an excellent wage and learn a challenging skill set (customer service/provision to clients with complex needs), no one else has a problem. In fact his sister did the job for 4 years and is now training in the profession herself so he should have known what to expect.

I have made 48 cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream and a variety of toppings for my clients today (Xmas social) so I am not especially concerned about my own hot drink making inadequacies.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 18/12/2017 18:49

Just a suggestion but it might be a good idea to send a guest list to the place where you are having your meal and say that only the people on that list are to be shown to the table or offered a pre-dinner drink. Just in case ex-employee tries to pull a fast one. If he is so arrogant as to send the message he might try.

Ceto · 18/12/2017 18:49

I love the thought of this lad going to his next job interview.

Question: Why did you leave your job with Xmasgrinch & Co?

Answer: Because I was expected, as the most junior person in the organisation, to make drinks for Xmasgrinch occasionally, and not to use my phone during working hours.

Question: So what would you say if I were to tell you that we also wouldn't let you use your phone during working hours, and would expect you to undertake jobs like making drinks for your boss?

CaptainChristmas · 18/12/2017 19:11

It’s a bit shocking really, when so many people would kill for that job! His loss and then some.

Wilburissomepig · 18/12/2017 19:22

How odd that you don't allow phones in the office.

How is that odd? If there is an emergency, surely one could be contacted on the office phone, you know, like back in ye olden days before everyone thought they had to be permanently attached to their phone?

It's a working environment, there is absolutely no need for personal mobile phones. I check mine at lunchtime, if I remember.

OP, YANBU at all. If he doesn't want to do what his job entails then you're well rid of him.

CaptainChristmas · 18/12/2017 19:23

It’s a bit shocking really, when so many people would kill for that job! His loss and then some.

CommanderDaisy · 18/12/2017 19:36

ignore all the negative posters denigrating your drink making skills, astonishing expectations of the tea-boy - I mean wanting him to make drinks was obviously completely unreasonale even though that was part of the job description and your inability to understand that those 4 hours at work were necessary to compose clear text messages and photograph your genitals away from your pesky mother who insisted you tidy your room or put the trash out.

FFS - feel no guilt - be happy you told the entitled little bugger with no work ethic to bugger off away from the Christmas do.

Rightsaidmabel · 18/12/2017 19:40

"How odd that phones are not allowed in an office"
Yup, and don't forget to bring in any Christmas cards you haven't organised, surf the net for holidays,chat on the office landline,go for frequent smoke breaks, uh don't let work get in the way!
Have your phone handy ,but hey, if your grannie's gone under a bus surely someone can ring the office phone.Most work would understand.Other wise why in hell does your phone need to be glued to your side while you are being paid to pay attention elsewhere?
This rant will never be over!

RadioGaGoo · 18/12/2017 19:51

How is it entitled to expect someone to carry out the job they are paid to do? Of making drinks is part of the description, it should be done. Ridiculous to say that the OP is entitled because they have hired someone to do that very thing.

Original poster
xmasgrinch · 18/12/2017 21:09

I find peoples differing views on what is acceptable at work fascinating, why is it considered degrading to make drinks or clean? But not to file papers and photocopy. Who knows? Its a funny old world.

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 18/12/2017 21:23

i hope you are as brutally honest in his reference ( should he ask for one) as he has been fantastically rude to you.

if he turns up on the night - don't hold back in giving him short shrift and have him removed by security.

CaptainChristmas · 18/12/2017 21:26

Making coffee and cleaning the kitchen were part of my job description when I was a corporate receptionist pre-dc. I also brought tea to a VP when she asked me to. I was much more experienced than the op’s stbx employee, with a decent degree from a really good university and a second language. If I’d sent a drunken rant to my boss some weekend during my probationary period, because I decided my job was beneath me, I’m sure she’d (rightly) have laughed her ass off and then had me dismissed.