AIBU re xmas do

[xmasgrinch]

I genuinely want to know what is reasonable here. My family and DHs family are all completely unreasonable and I am struggling with very poor health at the moment so would value guidance.

I have a small business and employ a couple of part time admin assistants and a few contractors when we are busy. I have always paid for an Xmas do for us all as a thank you for all the hard work. Just a meal and some drinks, all booked for Sat night. Only 8 of us, I get the bill and take a small gift for everyone - really enjoy thanking them for their hard work.

On Friday one of my admin assistants was in a very odd mood (only been with me for a month) and kept doing slightly 'off' things like making himself a drink, checking texts (no personal phones allowed in office). I took him aside and asked if all was ok and he started laughing and said I was 'making a big deal of nothing' and laughed. I told him we needed to work as a team and to let me know if there was anything bothering him. On Sun morning at 3am he sent me a rant and unpleasant text - clearly drunken - listing my many shortcomings and handing his notice in with an X Factor style 'my journey is complete and my heart isn't in it' msg that seemed rather OTT for what had been an 8 hour a week admin role. I replied this morning thanking him for his text and accepting his notice, saying I wished him luck in the future.

My AIBU is - do I need to TELL him not to come on Sat? He is thick skinned and I don't want him to just turn up and spoil the atmosphere of what should be a relaxed and laid back evening when I am thanking people. WWYD? I don't want to seem petty by telling him overtly he cant come!

Sorry if this sounds weak and unprofessional. I have been really unwell and am taking medication that is affecting my thinking straight. Between my awful family, Xmas lists to things to do and my working week I cant seem to think straight.

Thank you.

Send a polite firm text, then once it's done you can stop worrying about it. I think most of our problems are because we worry about the outcome rather than just dealing with it at the time. But basically he's a twat. Thick skinned or not I bet he's cringing to the soles of his feet after sending that message. What a twat.

You don't let your staff make themselves drinks or check their phones? I think that's so over the top, and I would be annoyed by that to be honest.

OP do you know what Netflix and chill means? HIBU to shag in the office

offorfuckssake - I've sent that. Thanks

I think there is a fair chance he would turn up because he's so oblivious!

claudia I think OP meant he only made himself a drink no one else and it's very common for phones to be banned, I'm sure he can live without it for 4 hours

Why don't you let your staff make themselves a drink?

This is usual behaviour in an office. It is also quite normal to check phones, but not to take the piss by spending all day texting.

Cherry - hahaha I thought it was just chilling with your mates! Funny

In our work environment mobile phones/cameras are completely banned. He was going out to the kitchen for prolonged periods and going on his phone which is ridiculous in a 4 hour shift - don't know where you work but it's not ok here!

Re drinks - he's my assistant - if he won't offer drinks and repeatedly makes his own leaving me with nothing for 4 hours that's not ok. He was politely reminded, not told off.

LoniceraJaponica - it's not unusual behaviour in this office - where we have an assistant employed to make drinks and do admin for the client facing staff.

I do think you are a bit unreasonable for telling somebody off for making themselves a drink and checking a text.

I thought the problem was him making one for himself but no one else as he deemed it beneath him? That’s how I read it

And I don’t think asking someone not to take personal calls/texts while working is especially unreasonable, especially if they’re only there four hours, what could he that urgent it can’t wait?

He's got some ugly shocks coming to him if or when he goes into full time employment.

If or when he asks for a reference, respond with "You are joking, aren't you?

How odd that you don't allow phones in the office

I work in an office and whilst phones aren't "banned" it's pretty obvious to a mature individual not to spend their working day on the phone organising their life. I might pop out at lunchtime and make some calls or quickly organise something (like booking a car service) but 99% of the time my phone is on silent. And he is only working for 4 hours.

Unbelievable rudeness! Don't feel bad about rescinding his invitation.

Its not odd that phones are banned in an office. My office has a no personal phone policy and they even turn off all wifi except at break times. We cant log onto the customer wifi as the password is changed every week and staff aren't allowed to know it.

This guy sounds entitled and he has a massive shock coming to him!

Re drinks - he's my assistant - if he won't offer drinks and repeatedly makes his own leaving me with nothing for 4 hours that's not ok.

You really sat there thirsty for four hours rather than make your own drink?

He sounds like a terrible employee for sure but I'm not sure you're a great boss... I work for a company with multi-billion-pound turnover and our directors aren't above making themselves a tea.

Phones aren't allowed in my current job, or the last two I had either. I'm at work. If anyone needs me in an emergency they can call the office.
I work four hour shifts too and it really is possible to go four hours without checking whatsapp!

If it’s a normal office set up, why are phones banned, out if interest?

He is definitely in for a very rude awakening in his next paid position.

There are a lot of odd assumptions that I work in a 'back office' environment, which I don't.

The assistants role is admin and making drinks for the front line staff. Thats it.

We work with vulnerable clients. No phones with cameras. Ever. It's in the contract that he signed so shouldn't have been a shock.

I do think you are a bit unreasonable for telling somebody off for making themselves a drink

I thought from OP's post that he had been asked to make drinks for other people in the office and felt it was beneath him.

This is actually standard office practice for new/very junior staff, especially at hectic times when they aren't as useful as more experienced staff members.

And had it been the other way round - that he (say) was a male member of staff in an office with one female member - I'll bet my bippy that he would have expected a woman to run round after him.

Do you live near me I wonder? I would be happy to fill his space as the hours would be perfect, and o am happy with those rules! 😀

We are allowed our phones in our office, we are expected not to be pratts about using them, but I do think in certain industries it is fairly common to not use them.
We also take it in turns to make drinks for each other. I wouldn't expect someone more senior in the company to made drinks because of their position, I would expect anyone making drinks to check no one else wanted one.

I wasn't sat waiting for a drink for 4 hours, I was working with clients and not prepared to leave them to fix myself a brew when I'm paying a 19 year old man to do exactly that. Anyway, I feel so relieved he's gone and have filled his post already.