Reporting neighbour to social services

[Chnagedname]

Hi i want to ask if you would as I don't have children but I am concerned however I do not want her children to be taken away so please tell me if they would be if I reported.
However if you believe it's the right thing as mother's yourselves let me know.

My neighbour is a girl in her early 20s. She goes out a lot leaving her kids with baby sitters. She smokes weed in her kitchen but doesn't allow the kids to come in there when she is.
Her house is disgusting, often piles of washing up, food and dirt on the floor, toys everywhere, bin always over flowing and she wonders why she has a rat infestation also ants. The kitchen is the main place which is disgusting I would never eat from there.
She has 3 kids. A 15 month old, a 5 year old and 7 year old.
The 5 and 7 sleep on a bed no headboard no covering just a bed duvet and pillow
Her room the baby sleeps in which is dirty but the cot is okay.
She brings guys over to her house I am not sure if the children are there when this happens.
There is often no food in the house.
I have heard her shout at her 5 and 7 year old but they seem to love her as well as the baby who follows her everywhere

She doesn't seem like a bad mum but she is dirty and the weed bit I don't like.

What would you do? And what will happen if I do report? I will feel terrible if her kids get taken away

And the staleness of the air that permeates all of the clothing and their hair that makes the children a target for bullying at school; that sets them out as different and means other children aren't so keen to befriend them.

And the impact on their educational attainment of poor sleep conditions, not enough food and the social isolation that quite often accompanies this type of chaotic living or, worse than that, exposure to entirely unsuitable people.

People living like this rarely have just one issue that exists in isolation. That's why it's infuriating to read comments along the lines of "So what if her house isn't as clean as yours. Keep your nose out." Because the experts know that these are markers of a wider issue and greater problems.

Well said Adalind. I thought the headboard was slightly relevant as part of a bigger picture. I had no headboard growing up but my room was beautiful and my bed always washed. It's just one tiny thing to give a fuller picture in this case.

I agree with everyone saying you need to report the facts to social services. I am pretty certain its not only weed she is probably drinking as well and hiding it. she is using drugs to mask her feelings of possible low self esteem depression and no pride in her home. Her children will be classed as in need - not taken away!! I have a neighbour exactly the same she is getting the help both she and her children need. she is receiving proper intervention for her mental health needs - hey guess what she has started doing up her home and having pride in keeping it nice and homely. she is very different now, and I'm so pleased for her.
You can not offer this help nor should you offer, only your neighbour can chose to change (with professional help) for herself and most importantly her children. People with problems like hers can be very manipulative and play on your heart strings "I got no money for the kids tea" when they actually mean ive spent it on booze or weed.
Phone either childrens services or the NSPCC today. It will make a huge difference to the family the mum does sound very unwell within herself.

Just call and speak to NSPCC and let the professionals decide. Not the mumsnet jury.

It about her. It's about the children.
No money to feed her kids but money for weed?
Sorry but that's not being a responsible mother.
I would 100% call social services.
She either needs help or a massive kick up the arse.

Sorry it's NOT about her that's meant to be.

I am pretty certain its not only weed she is probably drinking as well

That's not helpful. Sensationalist and pure speculation.

Just call and speak to NSPCC and let the professionals decide. Not the mumsnet jury.

Yes.

The weed on its own wouldn't be a problem, as long as she was smoking away from the children (when they are asleep or whatever), and still had the motivation to clean and the money to keep food in the house. The fact that everything else is falling below the bar, implies that the weed is a problem. I think you should ring SS.

From what you have written I doubt she will meet threshold for SS intervention
She would meet criteria for Early Help which is usually accessed in the same way e.g. a MASH referral.
There are definite elements of neglect in what you are describing. Neglect doesn't have to be deliberate. She might be clueless and struggling.
Ideally a SS referral would get passed on to Early Help and she would accept their support. They would work with her for a shortish time and hopefully get her on a better track.
They would also be in the position to escalate if they had concerns.

No one wants to be told how to parent or that they are doing a less than good job. Its horrible for everyone.
But good can come from it.

They won't take the kids away unless she refuses input after they have assessed and found concerns and even then it would take AGES to get to that point.

Agree with Adalind and SnowGlitter. OP, please don't look the other way. If there is no reason for concern, SW will quickly ascertain that. But if there is, you taking the time to report this could make an enormous difference to the quality of life those children have. These threads make me terribly sad: I cannot understand people who insist you should ignore a child who may be at risk.

Have you decided what you will do OP?

It's not about the mother. It's about the children. These children are living in squalor, and you are looking on and allowing it. Report.

I'd ring the NSPCC for free advice.

www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/get-advice-and-support/

I’d report, either to ss, or via the NSPCC.

I’d leave out the very small details that could make you sound overly judgemental or out of touch with the reality of some people’s lives. Basically the details that could get in the way of people hearing your more serious concerns - like the headboard that some people have focused on whilst ignoring the other worrying description of their sleeping conditions. Obviously a professional is less likely to react that way than random mumsnetters, however professionals are people too and may have their own blind spots or stereotypes that might get in the way.

A very dirty bed without any sheets, pillow or duvet covers does sound vile, and part of an overall picture of potential neglect.

The lack of headboard or dirty net curtains however are less clear signs of neglect and could well be simply a different standard of housekeeping, within a ‘normal range’.

I would report though, as even at best, it does sound like the mum is struggling and for whatever reason, perhaps very good and understandable reasons, her children might benefit from her getting some input.

I’m thinking the rat infestation might clinch it!

Haven't had time to rtft but I would advise reporting it. Children's services are best placed to decide if this particular family needs some intervention, but if no one gives them the information then they don't have that opportunity.

The children are the most important people here. No one on here can say if they'll be taken into care, but if they are then that will be a decision made by professionals in their best interests.

Please do report OP.

Thank you for being concerned op. It sounds grim and definitely of concern and worth reporting. A lot of the posts seem to be prioritising the needs of this woman and not the kids which is sad and wrong imo.

This is so bizarre! I was reported for ALOT less and even then ss wanted todo a "team around child plan" yet people are suggesting not to report this?? Saying they won't do anything?? Really.. (I declined the plan as it was voluntary but like I said I was reported for a lot less)

Battleax It doesn't matter if she has large food stocks as long as the children are fed - Of course it matters if there's food in the house

*so the real problem is a lack of housework. A social services referral would be a complete over reaction for that alone and, TBH, your gossipy tone makes me wonder if it's not as bad as all that anyway. You do seem quite keen to find things to criticise.

By the way she's a woman, not a girl*

You must be on another planet. OP is not 'gossiping', she's extremely concerned for children who are living with rats and ants and who have very little food in the house. Why have you just ignored these facts? Lack of housework? Seriously? Your posts are very strange, you're almost saying this is OK.

OP I would report this.

I can't believe that there are people on here who would pull OP on a choice of words but would not bother reporting a house where children have barely enough food, a filthy infested home, lack basics such as bedding and where mum brings home a series of men

Beggars belief doesn't it? Maybe that's the way the live so think it's ok and people are just 'gossipy'.

We always have food in the house. Just not a lot. We buy a couple days worth at a time because we have tiny fridges and only one cupboard. It would be different if there's literally no dinner.

So I actually agree that not having a large stock of food in at home is not neglect, as long as you have enough to make sure they are fed for a day or two...

So I actually agree that not having a large stock of food in at home is not neglect, as long as you have enough to make sure they are fed for a day or two

One kiev and a few chips is not ok for 3 children. It sounds like there's not any food for breakfast either.

The bottom line is, not a single person on this thread, the OP, me, the SWs who have posted, the lecturer in a related field and anyone inbetween is in no position at all to say what the conditions in the house are like or whether the threshold for intervention, at whatever level, would be met.

There seem to be an awful lot of people who have a vested interest in actively deterring the OP from making contact with the LA/NSPCC and the rest of us who have said, "speak with the NSPCC, make the LA aware, and leave it to them. They are the experts."

I think it's interesting that those who have some experience/background/expertise in the area are the ones saying "speak up" and the ones who have know knowledge at all are the ones saying "keep out".

Given that no definitive/irreversible action will be taken on the back of the OP's phone call anyway, I'm not really sure what people's grounds for objection is.

Believe me, there are plenty of referrals that go nowhere; or are not purused following a conversation with the Team Manager; or are closed after an Initial Assessment; are deemed to be malicious; are recorded as an overzealous neighbour as well as those that proceed to CP; end up in LAC...

Given that the mum might benefit from a variety of support services and the children might have their lives improved immeasurably, I'm struggling to see what the objection is beyond some people thinking the OP is "gossipy".

Anyone who has been on any level of safeguarding training knows that you always raise a concern and then leave it to the experts to respond appropriately. You never just turn a blind eye to it.

As I have said, and someone else has said, safeguarding/child protection is everyone's responsibility.

I've been in a house like that - the only saving grace was that no kids were involved.

Call help. Don't get involved, drug dens are dangerous and can be booby trapped.