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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How would you expect a school to respond?

110 replies

Methenyouplus4 · 17/12/2017 08:24

DC is 13. At lunch time at school, they were with friends getting lunch (with tray in hands). Another student (the same age) came and pulled the bottom half of their uniform down, leaving DC stood in their underwear in front of the vast majority of the school.

The other student had brought over about 7 other students specifically to watch them do this.

Would like to know how you would expect the school to respond to this?

DC said they don't really know other student (other than knowing their name and it being another student in year group). Thank you.

OP posts:

RainyApril · 17/12/2017 08:27

Serious incident. Perpetrator escalated through sanctions (depends on behaviour policy), parents advised, support for victim.

Runningissimple · 17/12/2017 08:31

I would expect 3 days in the inclusion unit if this happened at the school where I work. Shocking behaviour. Completely unacceptable sexual assault.

Lindy2 · 17/12/2017 08:39

I'd be absolutely livid. I would expect an immediate meeting at the school and I'd want some very serious sanctions for all of the group involved.
If this happened in the street it would be sexual assult. Just because it is in a school it doesn't alter that.

Original poster

Methenyouplus4 · 17/12/2017 08:43

Thank you for responding . DC is deeply humiliated and school have a history of taking (in my opinion) a very 'light touch' approach to students who assault others (based on my experience and that of other parents).

I know someone mentioned 3 days in inclusion, what did the rest of you think (specifically) in terms of a punishment?

OP posts:

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:43

This happened recently in my school, and lead to a three day internal exclusion

LoniceraJaponica · 17/12/2017 08:45

I would escalate this to the highest authority if the school didn't do anything.

Pengggwn · 17/12/2017 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsAwesomeDragon · 17/12/2017 08:46

That would either be a few days internal exclusion, or more likely be at least one day of external exclusion. It would be treated as assault and the victim would have regular check ins with hoy to see how they are coping with it.

MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 08:47

At my school the perpetrator would be in isolation pending investigation (which in a cut and dry situation like this wouldn't take long) and then home would be in for a meeting with the head, probably leading to an exclusion.

Those students who were part of the calculated audience would be hauled in front of a member of SLT and would probably have lost their free circulation at lunch and break (report to a member of slt, eat lunch with slt in silence etc). After all, they clearly can't choose to function like reasonable students when they have freedom.

It's a serious incident, nasty, targeted and calculating. My school would deal witj it severely.

flumpybear · 17/12/2017 08:48

This is outrageous! Not sure if it's a boy or girl but imagine if it was a girl who was wearing a sanitary pad etc - that's just horrific I! Not saying it's worse than a boy

Also what if the underwear had come down in the event too - just awful

I don't know what punishments they give out st senior school but it should be a serious punishment

thebookeatinggirl · 17/12/2017 08:48

The perpetrator should be excluded for a minimum of 3 days, in my opinion, preferably a week, with the warning that I'd anything like that happened again they would be permanently excluded and the police involved. And that's if it is a first time offender. Shocking and hugely abusive behaviour designed to humiliate. Your dc should also be receiving support.

MrsMoastyToasty · 17/12/2017 08:49

I would be asking the school for a copy of their policy on bullying and arranging a meeting with the head teacher.
It's unacceptable at any age (happened to my DS at primary school )

RainyDayBear · 17/12/2017 08:49

I would expect this to be an internal or external exclusion at the school I work in. Completely unacceptable!

PoptartPoptart · 17/12/2017 08:51

This needs to be taken very seriously. It’s actually assault, not to mention public humiliation.
Internal exclusion, meeting with parents and an apology is the minimum punishment I would expect.

Original poster

Methenyouplus4 · 17/12/2017 08:52

Thank you. I am speaking to them first thing tomorrow and it's always helpful to know that my view is echoed by others.

OP posts:

LokiBear · 17/12/2017 08:53

At my school this would be an immediate exclusion, parents would be required to attend a meeting, pupil would be it on target card and the HOY would do an assembly with the consequences outlined. Obviously, the victim would not attend the assembly but the perpetrator would. They wouldn't be named but would most definitely be shamed. It would be logged and further incidents would result in the child and parents meeting with the governors to justify their place at our school. We had a spate of 'kegging' a few years ago and we cracked down hard. It rarely happens now.

MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 08:54

Hope it goes well OP. Remember, you have every right to raise it abd it's perfectly possible to be firm with school whilst being reasonable.
I hope thr student who did this gets a serious sanction, although from what others have said from your school I worry you might need to push the issue a bit

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:55

They might have already been sanctined, and the school might not tell you about it.

Hairgician · 17/12/2017 08:58

Jesus Christ that's a sexual assault and if expect nothing less than exclusion. There is no 'light touch' in this scenario.
Children shouldn't be taught to put up with it or ignore it.
As a parent id probably be getting police involved. Knock that shit on the head right away.

Original poster

Methenyouplus4 · 17/12/2017 09:02

DC was told that the student had spent the afternoon in internal inclusion and wold not be going on Christmas trip next week. I feel this is absolutely insufficient.

When DC told form tutor, they were tod teacher would sort it 'after lunch'.

This is the second time a serious incident has happened to DC this year and attitude of school seems to be total reluctance to properly investigate the offence and then deal with it with the seriousness it deserves.

OP posts:

Hairgician · 17/12/2017 09:03

In that case I'd be hanging on the heads door for urgent meeting . That's shocking!

Hairgician · 17/12/2017 09:04

*banging
Fucking auto correct is in full flow this morn!

Sparklingbrook · 17/12/2017 09:04

That is awful. I am so sorry for your DC.
Don't be fobbed off.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 09:06

try ringing the police non emergency number and asking if they would speak to the students concerned.

i am a teacher. I am not a law enforcer. I often wonder, whilst dealing with serious incidents with the very limited repertoire of punishments available to me, why parents haven't reported a crime to the police. Of course I am not allowed to suggest it.

Thedietstartsnow · 17/12/2017 09:07

I'd be sat outside the heads office come Monday morning,not budging till I was was happy with the result

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