What I have learnt from Mumsnet

[Parker231]

(putting this in AIBU as I couldn't think of another place)

As the title says - I like reading Mumsnet for the range of opinions and subjects discussed but off the top of my head and in no particular order have learnt the following (and yes I know there are always exceptions)

• there are a large number of SAHM's - I don't know any but have always worked ft
• very scary how many women don't have equal access to family money
• seems to be a large number of women still living in the 1950's
• breakfast and after school are seen as a negative
• lots of poor parenting by fathers
• cooking from scratch is perceived as a major positive - I'd never heard of this term before Mumsnet and don't think I have ever cooked from scratch (DH probably does!)
• the vast majority of childcare is still done by mothers
• ditto for household admin
• significant number of women who work, only work part time
• seems that if one parent is to be the "stay at home", in the majority of cases its the mother
• why are more fathers the major earners and have better careers? Did women not go to school and get qualifications?
• cooking and housework seems to be done mainly by women
• men work very long hours so can't do housework and shopping
• lots of women don't seem to have any hobbies/activities on their own outside the home

I find it interesting to read the different ways we all manage our life, family, work, relationships.

Only skimmed the thread. Agreed with much of what i can see so far.

MN has taught me:

• Lots about spelling and grammar.
• That i'm not the only one to hate xmas cards and can allow myself to not bother now.
• More people than i thought need alcohol.
• Many people would think my parenting awful because i shout at my kids when they're naughty and yes! I tell them so too.

I learnt that troll hunters take their calling a bit too seriously. It's one - very commendable - think to get rid of perv, and to warn about scams, it's another entirely to pick the most minute details and throw abuse to the OP.
Who on earth cares if a parking thread or a laundry thread is fake or not? This is an internet forum, it's entertainment, most true stories have a lot of fake elements in them to protect the posters anyway.

I also learnt that a staggering amount of posters hate people staying over, or spending a night or two in another house.

A fake laundry thread? Who has the time for that?

Parking needs it's own topic, I am so bored of squinting at diagrams.

I've learnt that some people take politics very seriously and seem to actively hate people who vote differently from them. In real life, apart from DH, i neither know nor care who my family/friends/colleagues vote for.

Sadly that a lot of people simply don't care about others and their safety and well being as long as their and their immediate families' needs and wants are satisfied.
I suspect that's mirrored across society though.

I've noticed this too and I really hope that it's not mirrored across society, but I have noticed it more since reading it on here.

I have learned everyone on Mumsnet looks 10 years younger than their true age.

I have learned everyone has a devastatingly attractive husband.

I have learned everyone would look fat over 10 stone.

I have learned the most important thing.

A spa day apparently cures everything from financial mismanagement to drunkenness to infidelity

splinterz

My DH thinks I'm mad for posting here as often as I do, as I always seem to argue with people, but I love it. It gets me outside my normal bubble.

Stuff I've learned.

• Wider society isn't nearly as LGBT* friendly as I always assume it is - a lot of people are very uncomfortable with trans people & bisexual people in particular.

• A lot of people seem to definitely believe that men and women can't be friends without sex getting in the way.

• Way more men sleep with prostitutes than I ever knew. I was quite shocked by the last bit, actually. It seems a depressingly common story.

• There are people who think 'the upper end of the healthy BMI range' counts as overweight.

• Parking is Exceedingly Serious Business and not to be messed around with. I had absolutely no idea this was a thing at all before MN.

Oh, and I've learned that there is no way you can get married without breaking at least two rules of etiquette and being some form of CF.

I've found out that I have nothing in common with other mumsnetters.

My DP helps around the house.
I have no children.
My DP's parents live in New Zealand and I will never meet them so no PiL problems.
I no longer have a cat.
My neighbours are lovely.
No-one parks where they shouldn't.
I don't eat much chocolate or biscuits.
I don't drink.
My work colleagues are fab and I enjoy my work.
I don't watch Strictly Come Dancing and I don't get wound up by the Royals.
I know no SAHPs or anyone with an au pair.
I drive.
I know how to access health services appropriately and wouldn't need to ask.

I'm trying to convince myself I have no use and no need for Mumsnet because I waste so much time on it I get bugger all done.

And I've perfected the art of rolling my eyes and muttering "for fucks sake" at things I read.

When I was pregnant I knew something didn’t sit quite right with me about not being married - not for religions sake or what people would think, but something just didn’t feel right.

Then I joined MN, and realised that I had given up my career I loved, good salary etc to raise kids, but if we were to split up I’d be entitled to nothing at all and would have a hard time getting my career back, and he would be left with a great career and a salary that would mean he could get a half decent place, where as I wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage on the place I bought (when single). Not necessarily positive stuff but it’s made me more savvy. And now when any of my friends say they don’t think they need to get married to have kids, I explain that women benefit from being married, and are likely to get their fingers burnt if they have kids with someone and then split up...

I've learned to appreciate things for sure. Me and my husband take turns off work when the kids are sick, mumsnet has taught me a lot of women do it all

Our house work is fairly shared by who has the most work that week

We take turns driving

We have our own bank accounts and both our incomes vary (me student nurse, him self employed) when one has had a bad week we support each other? No needing to share accounts or probe each other

We have our bad patches but honestly mumsnet makes me appreciate my husband

We have our bad patches but honestly mumsnet makes me appreciate my husband

Me too.

Some fairly useful and near ubiquitous object horrify quite a few people. Bins in bedrooms ("rubbish satelites"), loo brushes ("turd on a stick") and flannels for instance.

And nobody changes bedsheets weekly. It's hourly or annually. People battle poo crumbs.

A lot of women have very low self esteem.
Likewise a lot of women are very self secure.
People often read too deeply into off the cuff comments.
People give too much of a shit about how they are perceived by others, living an Instagram lifestyle.

Also what put your phone down said.

Wise up, women.

On a lighter note I've learnt what a posh wank is

And I've also learnt to say no to people more.

A bloke at work called me 'girl' - I told him my name was Janet and told him from now on to call me that - he never spoke to me again his loss the idiot.

1. I have learnt that women are positively Victorian when it comes to marriage proposals. Its almost 2018 ffs. Just ask if you want a ring on it.

1. There are women who seem to cry a lot at the drop of the hat for pretty much everything. I dont experience this but I dont have children which may have something to do with it.

That pedantary is alive and well.

That someone could have a life or death problem but if their grammar is slightly off in their OP, someone will soon be along to correct them with no other advice.

That you can’t speak to someone of the opposite sex without it being an emotional affair, people consider very minor things deal breakers, 4 year olds can choose their gender (no idea you could choose your gender) but the discussions helped when we had gender neutral loos at work (which no one will now use). That people should never have affairs no matter the circumstances. That mums are always judged for working/ not working. Some people must have very easy lives with the shit they get angry about. Many people nee validation. That it’s ok to exclude kids from 90% of life (weddings, funerals,meals out,leaving the house etc) men can’t win unless they behave like women (when they are accused of gender appropriation and invading women’s spaces). Brexit has caused everything that’s going wrong and will lead to civil war. It’s ok to call people thick because of the way they voted. Any reasoned posts on the Leave position will be ignored.

In the short time I've been here I've learned:

• Mumsnet is horribly transphobic.
• Conversely, there are some really LOVELY folks here.
• Some people really need to learn how to use Google.
• There are some hilarious people here.
• Few folks believe platonic friendships with opposing genders are possible, and seem hugely controlling and freaked out when their partners dare to forge these friendships.
• There is literally NO SUCH THING as too much info here, sometimes to brilliantly hilarious proportions. Poo? No problem. Hideous vag growths? Bring it on. Disgusting habits of any family member? Excellent. NOTHING IS SACRED.
• Really there is no limit on how many threads can exist about terrible soap operas or reality TV.
• God help you if you are a man whining about lack of sex (personally i am here for roasting such men especially when they use phrases like frigid, for example).
• There are some FANTASTIC usernames around.
• I have learned never to eat or drink when browsing threads, lest I choke in process through laughter.
• Nobody tells a sexual mishap story better than a Mumsnetter.

In my few months on MN, I've learned some very useful and colorful words and phrases that are not commonly used in American English, such as

• has form for
• stroppy
• cheeky
• crusty cob
• jumper
• soft toy
• fancy (as in like or covet)
• and my personal favorite, "taking the piss".

I've also learned that British men are not the paragons of refinement and politeness that I had always stereotyped them to be, and that OLD is just as much of a nightmare in the UK as it is here.

Mumsnet is a selective group, as are people who post vs lurk on each thread, so you can't just extrapolate. It's not necessarily representative of how many/what percentage of people have certain views or jobs etc.

I have learnt about DV and how to support someone in that situation. Also about specific challenges for many on benefits which I find shocking.