What I have learnt from Mumsnet

[Parker231]

(putting this in AIBU as I couldn't think of another place)

As the title says - I like reading Mumsnet for the range of opinions and subjects discussed but off the top of my head and in no particular order have learnt the following (and yes I know there are always exceptions)

• there are a large number of SAHM's - I don't know any but have always worked ft
• very scary how many women don't have equal access to family money
• seems to be a large number of women still living in the 1950's
• breakfast and after school are seen as a negative
• lots of poor parenting by fathers
• cooking from scratch is perceived as a major positive - I'd never heard of this term before Mumsnet and don't think I have ever cooked from scratch (DH probably does!)
• the vast majority of childcare is still done by mothers
• ditto for household admin
• significant number of women who work, only work part time
• seems that if one parent is to be the "stay at home", in the majority of cases its the mother
• why are more fathers the major earners and have better careers? Did women not go to school and get qualifications?
• cooking and housework seems to be done mainly by women
• men work very long hours so can't do housework and shopping
• lots of women don't seem to have any hobbies/activities on their own outside the home

I find it interesting to read the different ways we all manage our life, family, work, relationships.

Things I’ve learned on mumsnet are:
There are massive double standards (if it were the other gender posting you’d have a huge difference of opinions being posted), and
If you’re a step-parent, you can’t do a damned thing right

Oh, and the phenomenon of the ‘wank sock’

OP if that’s all you’ve learned from mumsnet you can’t be using it right.

Sadly that a lot of people simply don't care about others and their safety and well being as long as their and their immediate families' needs and wants are satisfied.
I suspect that's mirrored across society though.

I'm amazed you'd never heard of 'cooking from scratch' before Mumsnet. It's definitely not a Mumsnet thing - it's a really, really prevalent/common phrase.

That sometimes people are judging you. I'd always bumbled through life with the philosophy that people are too concerned with their own problems to worry much about what others are doing. But threads on here suggest otherwise and people are judging me for all sorts of things

I've learned about the cult of Zoflora.

See Parker I have learned the opposite. Although I know women who work full time and part time, and some who stay at home, most women I know work part time. Those who work full time do it because they need the money, and normally after their children have started full time school, and those who don't work gave up on the birth of their second child when child care cost more than their earnings.

Most women who work part time do the majority of child care / domestic / household stuff as their partners work outside the house for longer. Therefore this seems a fairer division of labour. The women who do work part time seem generally happier with their work-life balance (even though we all moan at times we have too much to do)

The women I know who work full time- their partners have stepped up at home - or continued the equal division of labour they had pre DC ( applies to those I know who are child free too)

It is only on Mumsnet where I have seen so many views expecting that a woman should be financially independent, having separate bank accounts and the expectation that a man should contribute equally around the house even if he works more hours outside it.

you should LTB for any reason even farting in bed

Mumsnet has taught me that I don't know everything, that listening is more important than talking and that just because someone has a different opinion or attitude, doesn't mean they are wrong. I think the anonymous aspect of the internet affords posters and readers a glimpse of the realities of other people's life's, the highs the lows and the harshness beyond your own bubble.

Also that the compassion, straight talk and advise offered on here is outstanding, especially for those lacking a support network in RL, very empowering indeed.

I have learned that

-people get offended over nearly everything
-there are too many precious snowflakes who need to grow a pair
-most people are just judgy assholes

And most of all i have learned that i have no time for the above kinds of people

I have learned -

That many women are baffled by the thought of SAHMs, especially those with, school-age DC!!!!

The default is that women should be working OTH - if you are not, please explain yourself!

That women put up with men who buy them things like a jar of chutney or a pork pie for Xmas.

That so many women are vehemently opposed to changing their names on marriage.

That unless your DH does 50/50 housework / childcare you are indeed living in the 50s (regardless of the fact you may have a cleaner and he may be away half the week). Also he is a crap father to boot and the DC are internalising poor role models.

If you don't like the c word you are precious

Wow. That’s a lot of stuff you didn’t know.

And there was me thinking this was a lighthearted thread about soap instead of shower gel or some such.

That many women are incredibly anxious and unconfident about driving.

That abusive relationships are still appallingly common.

That British people are still as obsessed by class as they ever were.

That most women genuinely want equality with men in all aspects of life, but that some women only want equality when it suits them, i.e. In the workplace, but in relationships expect men to financially support them.

That double standards regarding men & women are a constant feature of MN, e.g. Woman : "I have a close platonic male friend, DH doesn't like this" MN : "You are doing nothing wrong. DH is controlling". Vs woman : "DH has close platonic female friend, I don't like this" MN : "he's cheating on you. LTB".

Although I know women who work full time and part time, and some who stay at home, most women I know work part time

It must be about who we know and our social circles, most women I know work full time and absolutely not because they have to, becayse they want to and value their independence. The women I know who don’t work, do so either because they don’t wish to and their husbands are incredibly wealthy or either couldn’t afford the child care/ wanted to be with kids pre school age and went back as soon as the kid started in education because they valued their independence and wanted something to do.

I genuinely don’t know one woman who works part time. I guess we socialise with people,like us.

Well I think that's true Bluntness, because I only know about ten women who work full-time / part-time. For instance, out of 20 pupils in my youngest child's class, there are 2 working mums. When I said this on a SAHM thread the other day, people told me I was in a bubble. I know I probably am, but this is the reality nevertheless in most of the schools I'm aware of and this has been over ten years. I enjoy MN to get different perspectives from different areas of the country.

I've also learnt that a lot of posters get "furious" very quickly over little things and "devastated" too.

To be fair when my daughter was little yes most of the mums didn’t work, she was privately educated and I would say most of rhe husbands were wealthy.

However in my social and work circle, every woman works full time. A few took some time off kids pre school, but we all work and see it as the norm, as do our husbands, partners and Male work colleagues. However I work in a very corporate environment and I’m not aware of any part time staff. My friends do a number of things, from management, to working in a supermarket, to administrative and they are all full time.

I do think we gravitate towards people we have things in common with. I always worked, I could have chosen otherwise, I chose not to, and as well as a joint account, I’ve always maintained my own account and I’ve been with my husband 28 years since I was 20,so it’s not a recent thing for me.

My mother in law worked, my mother worked, and both my grandmothers worked, albeit in the family businesses. Growing up my friends mothers also worked, So for me, it is the norm for women to work and be equal and independent. My daughter currently at uni, I suspect will be the same.

When I had my daughter it genuinely didn’t even occur to me not to go back to work and at that time, twenty years ago, I didn’t know anyone who did just stop. It wasn’t until she started school that I met non working mothers.

I know work full time and absolutely not because they have to, because they want to and value their independence

I work part time because I don't live to work and also value my independence.

There's a high rate of sahm at DS school. In his class alone, I'm one of two working parents. The rest are on benefits and are all single parents.

It's more to do with the area the school is in. We couldn't get into the primary that we live 6 doors away from the entrance from and had to settle for being a 10 mile round journey from.

It's a poorer area.

Socially, my friends are all working and a mixture of full and part time.

I’ve learned that my experience with my child is just that...it depends quite a lot on their personality and my peculiarities. Everything is actually more subjective than we all believe.

Hopefully you find a few people on MN who share values and circumstances with you, and their advice is then very helpful.

I haven't really 'learnt' anything as such. People in RL have strange opinions after all.

However I have been surprised that people get all frothy over and over again about how you feed your baby and that people go out of their way to police parking spaces.

I have learnt not to leave my washing out overnight, or it will get darked on.

I have learnt:

-Most in laws are toxic.
-Stopping talking to anyone is 'going NC'.
-It's scary how low some women's expectations are of the men in their lives.
-Blended families are a minefield and it's highly unlikely they will ever work smoothly.
-Co-sleeping is the solution to all baby related problems.
-The world is full of CFs.

People should know not to leave their washing out overnight as it's minging and smells horrible the next day.