For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

[NoBreakNoProblem]

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

I am a lawyer but if someone asks me what I do I just say “legal stuff”and leave it at that, sometimes they probe but I normally manage to divert them because, frankly, I don’t want to be defined by my profession and actually most people seem to think lawyers are there to make money out of other people’s misery so we don’t have a great reputation.

When I am at the school gates I am a Mum just like anyone else, I don’t view myself as more important then anybody

Humps I think you are right. People adore the Royal Family for instance but hate somebody who is probably on a lower salary than them but 'thinks' for a living. That is a bit sad, but hey.

Just lie about what you do. “ oh, I work in an office” is usually enough.

One day, you're going to look back at this thread and just cringe, op.

There's a few pp I'm cringing on behalf of now.

I'm not sure, I don't tend to mention my degrees and qualifications to people. If they ask me what I do I just say I work in the NHS.
I think sometimes people have preconceived ideas about academics instead of just looking at them as a person first.

One day, you're going to look back at this thread and just cringe, op

There's a few pp I'm cringing on behalf of now

Yes. I must admit, a few recent posts have made me wince a little as well.

JessieMcJessie

...If you anchor the job title in something familiar to them it might make you seem more approachable.

To them? THEM? Who is lumping people together, now? Hmm

The OP is male. Have some posters not read the opening gambit?

Huh, Rosewhitetips? Most jobs have their own jargon/specialist vocabulary. “Them” refers to people who don’t work in that field and so do not know the specialist terminology, as has been pointed out by a lot of people who said that being “an academic” doesn’t mean much to people who have had little contact with academia.

Never happens to me, op.

Why would you try to hide what you do? When you are getting to know people its natural to find out what they do for a living too. It would be weird to try to cover up. I wouldn't introduce myself with "hello i am Princess and I am a ..., but once you get to know people I guess this comes up in conversation. I would not then tailor the information according to who I am talking to as its actually my job and who I am.

Though when I lived in area similar to OP is decribing I remember people putting down my accents, calling my kids posh or " the professors" as they were reading books and I would definately hide the part of me who like going to the theatre, opera. Would not dare mentioning it. So glad I moved!

Rose - I confess I totally missed that

I'm what would be considered an academic, this is widely known in my local area and I've never experienced anything like this.
I would never (irl) refer to myself as 'an academic' though, it sounds twatty.
Maybe that's where you've gone wrong..?

Say "I'm a teacher and researcher". No need for the descriptive stuff unless they enquire further.

Op, I wouldn't say 'I'm an academic' to people who aren't in that field. My w/c ears would just hear 'I'm clever'.

YY to that.
And unfortunately being clever is, in some circles, not seen a good thing at all. More of the ‘thinking they are above everyone else’ types.
Academia isnt much better. Where I live, academia is very much frowned upon (up to the point of putting a very well know university near by) because it’s not practical enough, therefore completely useless (and only for posh people who don’t need the money).

TBH it’s not a nice environment to live in.

I’m a nanny and I get that..mums will start chatting etc as soon as I mention I’m a nanny they walk off totally uninterested in talking to a Nanny.

princess "Though when I lived in area similar to OP is decribing I remember people putting down my accents, calling my kids posh or " the professors" as they were reading bookshmm and I would definately hide the part of me who like going to the theatre, opera. Would not dare mentioning it. So glad I moved!"

Yes I've noticed similar, I went to a really awful school on the council estate I was born on and was an avid reader, the amount of shit I got for being a 'swot' and 'teacher's pet' for enjoying reading and wanting to actually learn in class was awful. Even at six I used to wonder what the fuck the point of school was if all you did all day was mess around. It was a waste of time.

Even now if someone asks about my interests or plans for the weekend and I say I'm going to see an orchestra or mention I'm into classical music I get funny looks like it's somehow wrong for someone who is working class with a broad Yorkshire accent to appreciate classical music. It's such a massive shame, it's for everyone and concerts can be affordable (often tickets for a few quid for students or people on benefits) yet it has this stigma around it for being just for the upper and middle classes. I look around the hall when I go see orchestras and 90% of the audience have grey hair, makes me wonder if it'll die out as a thriving scene in thirty years time.

I've just read your opening post again and actually your grammar isn't great for an academic. I'm guessing too that you aren't in a substantive academic post with a 4* research trajectory and a couple of monographs behind you with top class publishers. Perhaps you are coming over as a little pompous for your actual status.

"Where I live, academia is very much frowned upon"

Yes, I too live in a place where people will criticise anyone for anything that they see as "getting above themselves" - that phrase must be one of the most used in the city. Which can be anything from going to an evening class to getting a degree. It's really chippy.

Don't be dickish Raindrops.

raindrops - plenty of the most brilliant academics and thinkers don't have good grammar! It's not an index of intelligence, you know!

your grammar isn't great for an academic. I'm guessing too that you aren't in a substantive academic post with a 4 research trajectory and a couple of monographs behind you with top class publishers*

That's what I call snobby. You've got a long way to go, OP.

i was brought up working class on a council estate, and in my experience, theres a massive amount of snobbery from both sides. Snobbery from people slagging off anything to do with working class culture, laughing at the way they talk, at their jobs etc etc, but also loads of hostility the other way towards anyone they perceive as a bit posh or middle class, even if they arent.

Its a massive pain in the arse for people who kind of straddle both worlds and just want to get on with people

I think it's just one of those jobs that anyone else struggles to find some interesting point to make to continue the conversation. It's kind of like someone who says they're from a really boring country that most people know nothing about (I say this from experience). Best just to continue talking about something else or make a joke about your work.