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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like resigning to avoid a horrible team building event

405 replies

evilharpy · 13/12/2017 19:11

It's been announced that my team (of about 15, all of whom I like but most of whom I don't know very well at all) is being sent to a team building event at the end of February. It's three days. Residential. Outdoor physical stuff. In February. It will be wet and freezing. We will have to share rooms. I hate the outdoors, especially when it's wet and freezing. I hate physical stuff unless it's a nice gym-based class. I will have to buy suitable outdoor clothes. And most of all I hate hate hate sharing rooms even with very close friends and will be desperately uncomfortable and miserable the entire time. The only way it could possibly be worse is if it involved camping.

I won't actually resign obviously (for one thing my notice period is longer than the end of Feb) but I will probably worry about it every single day until it's over.

Has anyone been on anything similar and can either confirm that it will be miserable or convince me that it might actually be fun?

OP posts:
spurtions · 13/12/2017 19:40

Absolutely hideous. I wouldn’t go, no way

roomsonfire · 13/12/2017 19:40

D&V bug would be obvious. I've used 'horrific periods' to get out of doing such activities. I really do have bad ones. cramps down through my thighs, migraines that can last 3 days plus the heavy bleeding bit. Is that an option as an excuse not to go OP?

Rufus27 · 13/12/2017 19:41

I feel your pain OP. Cant you be required at home on those three days for childcare reasons/ill relative/important hospital apt/visit to Mars ...

nokidshere · 13/12/2017 19:42

Not a chance in hell I would go to such an event. Sharing a room, even with family, is an absolute no.

Just say sorry,!im not prepared to do that.

SinglePringle · 13/12/2017 19:44

I would go (I’d love the actual event) but I’d refuse to share a room. I’d tell them I snore incredibly loudly (I do) and wasn’t prepared to put someone else through that. I’d add comments such as ‘worried about damaging working relationships as a result’ ‘concerned people would take the mickey’ etc etc.

If they insisted the rooms had to be shared / would t allow you to pay for own room, I’d get HR involved, asking if disciplinarys based on a refusal to share a room were acceptable.

ArchchancellorsHat · 13/12/2017 19:45

Screw that, especially sharing a room. I think I actually might quit over that. Can you sprain an ankle/wrist?

LearnFromThePast · 13/12/2017 19:47

I wouldn’t go and have refused to do something similar in the past. I hate outdoor stuff anyway and also have arthritis now so that would be my get out. But no way would I share a room with anyone else. I sleep terribly and can spend half the night awake, which isn’t fair on the other person.

I don’t understand why they do this. The last big thing similar to this they had two options, one was outdoor and one was more crafty and indoor based. People chose what they wanted to do and were happy.

sodabreadjam · 13/12/2017 19:47

DH's cousin attended a company residential team-building event that involved skiing - he lives in another European country.

He suffered a very bad leg break and was off work for months. It ended in a legal claim against his company and he was eventually pensioned off.

ArchchancellorsHat · 13/12/2017 19:48

oh or could you say the date clashes with a family wedding or similar event you can't get out of, or book holiday for the two surrounding weeks - darn the luck, you'd love to, oh what a shame?

Norland · 13/12/2017 19:48

Why would you resign? It's not a legally enforceable requirement to room-share (unless you've signed a contract that specifically states you will undergo training where room-sharing happens)

Talk to your line-manager; explain you are happy to undertake training but it should be reasonbable and that you expect your own room to the standard you enjoy at home.

As far as the clothes go, you could probably demand full payment for the neccessary outdoors clothing and return them after the event but offering to pay a contribution towards the clothes, might go down well.

I strongly advise against adopting any of the light-hearted but ultimately dodgy suggestions above with respect to snoring, illness etc. unless they are actually true. That will get you the sack.

MollyMade · 13/12/2017 19:49

Well now. I had one of these dreaded things a few years ago. Up country 2.5 hours away near a nice city that I had never visited but always wanted to.

I hate these bloody press ganged forced jollity bonding shite things too. Hate them. Hate them. And I wouldn't share a room with anyone, more for THEIR sanity than mine it has to be said. Nope.

Anyway, I went (it was two day event OMG). In a mountainside hostel type thing miles away from civilisation too. Feck that.

And I fell and hurt my shoulder badly within the first five minutes of some stupid task. Well I didn't, but I said I did. I was in such pain I had to leave..... and ended up in a nice hotel in the lovely city fifteen miles away that I had always wanted to visit. I planned it TBH and had booked a hotel that could be cancelled within 24 hours type of thing.

This is a true story. I went back to work self certified sick after three days. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Everyone was very sympathetic.

These events are gone now. No one enjoys them anymore if they ever did.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2017 19:49

I was going to say about sleep apnoea. Nancy beat me to it.

DancesWithOtters · 13/12/2017 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HuskyMcClusky · 13/12/2017 19:53

Are you actually in the SAS husky?

😂 No, very far from it! It was for a newly-created team within a huge company, and I was a 21-year-old grad, so was willing to suck it up.

These days, it would be a big fat no.

BorgQueenie · 13/12/2017 19:53

Why do companies continue doing these fgs?

A well organised, interesting team building event, during working hours, with optional drinks or dinner is fine imo but 3 days away is completely unreasonable, especially as you're being asked to share rooms. I said no to an event like this and it definitely counted against me but I later resigned anyway.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 13/12/2017 19:55

I had to do this once. Was genuinely terrible. Every single minute of it. And it fell over the weekend of my birthday this ruining my birthday. We had to play rounders. I wanted to die the entire trip.

A colleague- a quick thinking one- got out of it by saying that she had tickets booked for something. Could you do that? She wasn’t made to come. I’ve reserved that little idea in the back of my head just in case I’m ever asked to go on one again.

laudanum · 13/12/2017 19:56

I would honestly just refuse to go. They can't actually force you to do something like that. They might make it awkward for you, they might make out like they can MAKE you, but they can't. So dig your heels in, and refuse. Unless your employment contract states that you have to endure those things, then you don't have to do it.

Mupflup · 13/12/2017 19:57

Uurgggh this has just reminded me of a similar trip to North Wales I had to go on in a very cold December several years ago. It was horrendous for so many reasons:

  1. White water rafting. In December. We capsized and nearly froze to death
  2. Limited hot water in the 'hotel' so when we got back from the white water rafting we had to have cold showers
  3. Got horribly lost on the way back from one of the activities in the rain/mist and were so late back they were seriously considering calling the police
  4. On arrival discovering that me and the other youngish female would be staying in a dorm room...with our 2 older male managers!! We were not impressed and asked for another room but there were none available . The room was small, with 2 sets of bunk beds, both men were happily stripping down to their pants to get changed or go to bed, and similarly unembarrassed of using the small 'more like a cupboard' toilet noisily and enthusiastically. They also both farted a lot. Lovely blokes, not remotely sleazy or anything like that, just thought it was a great laugh whereas we were mortified about the whole thing.

I came home totally traumatised and to this day have gone out of my way to avoid anything similar! (I have been known to book hols for a totally fake important birthday / other event so as to avoid going).

Don't go OP, you must find a way to avoid it!!

HuskyMcClusky · 13/12/2017 19:57

In our case, it was later discovered that one of the high-level managers owned shares in the company that ran the team-building event. 🙄

DearyDearyDeary · 13/12/2017 19:57

Dear Manager,
Thanks for the invitation. For personal reasons, I'm unable to join you.
Regards etc...

Copy HR

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 13/12/2017 19:59

How can they force you to go away overnight. I'd also refuse to share action, adults shouldn't have to do that.

I'd go for a day and come home but I also wouldn't want to stay overnight.

JeNeBaguetteRien · 13/12/2017 20:01

No way would I be sharing a room with any work colleague.
I did refuse to go on one of these years ago and it was just one night. They wanted everyone to car share (fair enough for the environment) but 5 per car and I was young and slim and told I'd get the middle seat!
I actually went to work and did the phone answering and Admin tasks that day and had a nice lunch break in peace, it was ace, while they played the bongos in the pissing rain.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/12/2017 20:03

I've refused in the past to go over night anywhere. Fortunately for me I'm really stubborn and they knew that so didn't even bother to argue with me. Actually, in another job my manager did try to to persuade me when I said I wasn't going sailing. He asked why not, and I replied that he was only asking me that in order to try an overcome my objections and since I was absolutely not going sailing no matter what there was no point in me telling him why and I would not be discussing it any further.

SaturdaySauv · 13/12/2017 20:03

Surprise Christmas present from someone to an expensive event that clashes. Or illness. I definitely wouldn't go either.

oliveinacampervan · 13/12/2017 20:03

Sounds like a special kind of hell.

YANBU to not want to go.

I would 'fall ill' a few days before, and tell them you're soooooo sorry!

Sharing a room with a colleague. Vomitisation! 🤮🤮🤮

No way in hell would I share a room with a colleague. Even if i got on ok with them. I agree with the poster who said no-one over 21 should be expected to do this.

Don't resign though. Just fake an illness.