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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like resigning to avoid a horrible team building event

405 replies

evilharpy · 13/12/2017 19:11

It's been announced that my team (of about 15, all of whom I like but most of whom I don't know very well at all) is being sent to a team building event at the end of February. It's three days. Residential. Outdoor physical stuff. In February. It will be wet and freezing. We will have to share rooms. I hate the outdoors, especially when it's wet and freezing. I hate physical stuff unless it's a nice gym-based class. I will have to buy suitable outdoor clothes. And most of all I hate hate hate sharing rooms even with very close friends and will be desperately uncomfortable and miserable the entire time. The only way it could possibly be worse is if it involved camping.

I won't actually resign obviously (for one thing my notice period is longer than the end of Feb) but I will probably worry about it every single day until it's over.

Has anyone been on anything similar and can either confirm that it will be miserable or convince me that it might actually be fun?

OP posts:
ohfortuna · 17/12/2017 15:09

The best team building event is simply getting drunk together

I can see that would work if you are a drinker, but what if you dont drink and dont want to get intoxicated
or you abstain from drinking because it's been a problem area for you and you dont want to do anything which might lead you to fall off the wagon

Nyx1 · 17/12/2017 15:20

oh no
my friends get on my nerves when they are drunk
can't imagine what colleagues would be like

really puzzled by people talking of jeans upthread - I have waterproofs and wouldn't use anything else even on a long walk with rain! And surprised that people are surprised others don't have outdoor gear.

My sister always arrives here and looks at the boots and things like she's landed in alien country Grin

thewooster · 17/12/2017 15:29

Gingernaut is absolutely spot on.

I wouldn't go and would think of a plausible excuse. Parent/grandparent has taken a fall and needs me. Child is ill. I get struck down with food poisoning. My sister's getting married in Cyprus and I'm needed for the whole week. I'd take my pick of which one seemed best and stay home.

SemolinaSilkpaws · 17/12/2017 15:50

Just remembered a ‘Team Bonding Session’ where we were promised a slap up tea in a London Hotel at the end. ‘Lovely’ we all shouted rubbing our hands and thinking of the pedestals of gooey cakes we would enjoy. The 16 of us arrived at the hotel to find the Head of Finance ordering 3 teas between us all to share. What was worse was the hotel was known to be infested with cockroaches.

Nyx1 · 17/12/2017 16:11

Semolina "The 16 of us arrived at the hotel to find the Head of Finance ordering 3 teas between us all to share"

noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

surprised the hotel even allowed this.

ForalltheSaints · 17/12/2017 16:41

To the OP- make your view known now and don't wait until a week or so beforehand. Not only may it reduce the stress this is causing you, it may empower others who have similar reasons or other good ones to make their view/decision known.

This may then lead to the event being cancelled and the company saving some money.

I am fortunate perhaps that our previous MD banned all such events because we are in the public sector and our grant funding is being reduced.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 17/12/2017 16:46

Gingernaut

I have to say, that if anyone took us out into the fresh air, we'd hate that too.

What a perfect ending to your earlier post. It made me laugh.

Buttercupsandaisies · 17/12/2017 16:50

Haven't read all the thread but surely this is no big deal you just say no? Unless it's compulsory overtime or in your contract (and you'll be paid), why on earth is it even up for discussion? Our boss often recommends staying overnight for meetings elsewhere but doesn't push as its not in our job description

SenecaFalls · 17/12/2017 17:01

The only time I every had to do anything remotely like what the OP described was years ago with a previous employer when we were sent on a team "retreat." It was only for the day, and they didn't make us go outside except for a picnic lunch, but we had to spend the whole day talking about non-work things so that we could all "get to know each other better."

In the second series of the Crown (mild spoiler if you haven't seen it), there is a scene where the Queen is being advised to do certain things so that the people will get to know her better. In what may be the best line of the series, she says: "I don't want to be known."

That sums up my feeling about team retreats and team building very well.

MaverickSnoopy · 17/12/2017 17:09

This is possibly one of the worst work posts I have ever read. If I couldn't get out of this I would definitely phone in sick/resign. It's awful. How can anyone think this is a good idea?!

TOADfan · 17/12/2017 17:59

It sounds great! I was in youth work for a while and the residentials were always the best. I bloody love them!

ginorwine · 17/12/2017 18:02

Apparently on one of mine someone got drunk and removed their clothes
. Thankfully I was absent .

Nyx1 · 17/12/2017 18:07

gin, I've only had to deal with that a wedding. (father of the groom if anyone is curious).

itsallrelative2017 · 17/12/2017 21:05

No- one , including the OP, was talking about jobs where overnight stays happen for business reasons so your or thebeerfear's comment was irrelevant to the matter being discussed.

I must have made these up then.....

13/12 19:59
^How can they force you to go away overnight. I'd also refuse to share action, adults shouldn't have to do that.

I'd go for a day and come home but I also wouldn't want to stay overnight.^
^
13/12 13:03^
I've refused in the past to go over night anywhere.
^
13/12 23:34
I am Ms Keen Bean when it comes to work social events but i would draw the line at anything more than one night.

14/12 00:27^
I’ve never left my kids longer than 1 night. Blame the kids if you can, or “family commitments”.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 17/12/2017 21:13

Oh bully for you .How long did it take you to compile that? 4 posts out of how many? One is happy with one night. 4 posts hardly merited your hyperbolic screeching about "all the posters saying they would not do overnight stays for work".

Gingernaut · 17/12/2017 22:24

I've never done a job where I didn't at some point have to stay away somewhere

Well, bully for you. I'm currently a zero hours admin body.

I have never worked for any employer who expected me to work anywhere except one site.

I have never been in such a position where travel has been part of the job, I have never been in any job where I've been expected to work elsewhere and it's never been any part of my job to stay anywhere else but home.

Many people are like me.

itsallrelative2017 · 17/12/2017 22:51

MN at its finest....... dear god don't dare have a different view to the general gist of the thread Confused

@LassWiTheDelicateAir Hyperbolic screeching??? I meant all of the posters who were saying that, not that all the posters were saying that Hmm

If you're going to call me ridiculous for asking a genuine question about something that surprised me then expect to be told to wind your neck in, similarly if you're going to tell me I'm wrong at least make sure that I actually am indeed wrong.

There was no need to be so rude to me just because I share a different opinion to all but a handful of posters and oh my god I dared to say I was surprised and ask a question??!!

I wasn't judging anyone or having a go at anyone, it was a genuine question, I really am surprised by how many people are so vehemently against the theme of this thread, I just haven't come across it before.

I knew not everyone likes these events but I guess I thought maybe 70:30 split and I don't think I know people who would refuse to stay away overnight if their job required it (and I'm not meaning just for "Team Building" either).

This thread has made me think though, I have to organise something as a "treat" for my department and what I had in mind was probably totally selfishly something I would find fun and hadn't even thought that there may be people that would be excluded through illness/disability/single parent no childcare/other reasons people have said on here so this thread has opened my eyes (in a good way!) and made me rethinkSmile

Gingernaut · 17/12/2017 22:54

I knew not everyone likes these events but I guess I thought maybe 70:30 split

You guessed wrong.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 17/12/2017 23:02

I knew not everyone likes these events but I guess I thought maybe 70:30 split

I'd guess nearer 90% would do anything to get out of "team building" away days.

Some jobs when you take them on are likely from the outset to have the possibility of having to stay overnight for business purposes (mine has); others don't. If you took a job in the latter category, whether the overnight stay was for a genuine business purpose or some idiotic team building event , you are entitled to be a bit miffed if asked to stay overnight.

bananafish81 · 17/12/2017 23:03

This thread has made me think though, I have to organise something as a "treat" for my department and what I had in mind was probably totally selfishly something I would find fun and hadn't even thought that there may be people that would be excluded through illness/disability/single parent no childcare/other reasons people have said on here so this thread has opened my eyes (in a good way!) and made me rethink

Strewth no. As adults we don't have to do school PE lessons in the freezing cold any more - what OP is being told to do is like that but much much worse! What's wrong with a nice meal out?!

Really positive to hear you've decided to have a rethink - hope it's an enjoyable time for the team

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 17/12/2017 23:06

Oh and as for "treats for staff" - I've yet to meet any member of staff who would not be happier with a cash in hand bonus or vouchers for a sensible shop than a "fun" day out chosen by the boss.

Madwoman5 · 17/12/2017 23:14

They are not bad. However, you are entitled to time away from those you work with and that includes a single room. I have done these, enjoyed some of it, hated other parts but went with it for the experience.

NooNooHead · 17/12/2017 23:22

When I was at school in 6th form and aged 18 at uni, on two separate occasions I had to share rooms with friends on trips to New York. Yes, I know we were going on educational trips etc but it was still my idea of hell. I even had to share a room with three other girls on the school trip, and a bed with one of them. I absolutely cringe at the thought of shared bedrooms and bathrooms with anyone - even my parents - now unless it is very close family like my DD or DH.

God knows if I’d manage to do it unless I was dying or something and had to share a hospital bathroom or stay on a ward. That would be my limit unless someone paid me first.

NooNooHead · 17/12/2017 23:25

I did go on many business press trips when I was a journalist though and was treated to stays at lovely hotels - and a helicopter ride! - plus end of year working ‘jollies’ abroad as a thank you to staff at my previous employer. Those were ok and I didn’t have to share a room for the couple of nights away.

Topseyt · 18/12/2017 02:12

100% of the people I know would hate this sort of thing.

Find out what the team generally enjoy if you must organise an event, but I guess a nice meal in a good restaurant would often go down best.

I hate outdoorsy stuff such as OP describes and would never go in a million years. If I did show a face I certainly wouldn't be happy and it would feel like purgatory.