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Original poster

To take a 6 month old baby to a funeral?

126 replies

Xanadu44 · 12/12/2017 10:59

Hi there my great Auntie died the other day who was such a lovely woman. I am EBF and am about to start weaning DS, she turns 6 months the day before the funeral. DH only has 1 holiday day left at work and we're moving house so I'd prefer him to take it off for that rather than the funeral/looking after DS while I go to the funeral. He only met my great Auntie once so I think this is ok. (And I know my family will) I only realised it was weird me taking my baby to the funeral when people reacted to it like "really!?!?" "Are you sure that's appropriate?" If she kicks off I will, of course, take her out and make sure she's fed before we go in. What do you think? Should I arrange for DH to look after her and go alone or go with DS and the rest of my family?

OP posts:
Biber · 12/12/2017 12:03

OP you know your family circumstances best. s a general rule I would say yes. Babies are part of the family, EBF babies need their mums and mums should not be excluded and we need to be reminded that life continues when we lose our loved ones. Etc etc. My friend brought her new baby to the funeral of my own baby and I was comforted by his presence.

However, my mother asked me not to take my one year old the the funeral of her own mother and I respected that.

Play it by ear but as a general rule assume that yes, babies are OK so long as you are OK to make a RAPID exit if they become disruptive.

Sorry for your loss.

InspMorse · 12/12/2017 12:03

Sit at back, leave quietly if DC gets restless or starts making noises.

Reallytired17 · 12/12/2017 12:04

I'm actually quite surprised by how many people are advocating the baby not out of necessity or convenience but because they firmly believe it will comfort the immediate family.

That isn't for us to decide!

Austentatious · 12/12/2017 12:05

I've taken a 3 month old to a funeral. It was standing room only at the back so we hid out there. I like to think that the deceased would have appreciated someone getting their tits out at his funeral.

grannytomine · 12/12/2017 12:05

Well not taking the baby isn't for us to decide either. Some people will find a new life comforting, I would.

Barmaid101 · 12/12/2017 12:06

I took my dd to one at 5 months old, I just made sure I could make an exit if she made any noise during the service which she did so i just took her out of the service. After at the wake she smiled and showed off her latest trick of a wave and the widow came over and thanked me for bringing her, she made him smile on a day he never though he would.

I'm very much for children attending funerals, but I am very aware that other don't agree. I am very much gutted I never got to go to my mums, I was only 3 when she died but I am resentful I wasn't there now I am older even though I know my dad made the choice he thought was right when I was little.

Justgivemesomepeace · 12/12/2017 12:06

My friend brought her baby to my mum's funeral. It was quite nice to have a little fuss afterwards. She took him outside when he had a little whinge.

Reallytired17 · 12/12/2017 12:07

It's largely how it is done, though, granny - if the people advocating taking the babies because a new life will comfort the bereaved and that's all there is to it, O.K. If, however, the "new life" becomes the focus of the event rather than the life that has recently departed, that isn't O.K., in my opinion anyway.

AliceWhatsth3Matter · 12/12/2017 12:09

All my grandchildren went to my parent's funeral. There were 6 aged 4 weeks to 6 years.

It was lovely, they behaved beautifully (Any dissenters would have been swiftly removed from the building) and were no distraction and the minister was so taken with it he suddenly stepped forward, gestured towards the tiny people and started talking about the Circle of Life.

For a moment I thought he was going to take the baby in his arms and hold him up to the congregation, Lion King style.

However he took a look at baby's special forces Dad and decided not to pluck the sleeping infant from his arms!

Really, it was a beautiful addition to the funeral and is a happy memory, ironically. My parent would have loved it!

BunsOfAnarchy · 12/12/2017 12:10

I agree with @spidey66
Im Indian so I was in attendance at the mere age of 4 at my own grandmother's funeral (we have an open casket at home before the loved one is then taken away to crematorium). So I actually even remember it.
Nowadays people do seem to say anyone under 16 is too young but i see nothing wrong with it.
My 8 month old nephew went to his great grandads funeral a few weeks ago, he's very active and sil just took him outside when he started being a bit loud. Plus he cheered up many faces with his cheeky smile.
Take little one with you.

grannytomine · 12/12/2017 12:10

People aren't forced to focus on the baby, some will and some will focus on moaning about auntie Winnie's hat or uncle Bert having had too much to drink. You can't control everything.

OhChill · 12/12/2017 12:10

I do think it depends. Maybe ask your great aunt’s closest relatives?

Fwiw, my mum died suddenly, about two weeks after her first gc was born Sad. My brother and sil brought their baby to the funeral but also brought sil’s sister to hold the baby while sil and brother were sitting at front and also to take the baby out if he got fussy. They sat immediately behind us and I can’t say any of us noticed the baby particularly.

littledinaco · 12/12/2017 12:12

I’ve taken my 3 DC to funerals at various ages, from babies to toddlers and older. I’ve got up a couple of times to go out if they started being noisy and each time was motioned to stay by the closest family which was lovely.
A couple of the funerals, the priest has said at the beginning that the family are pleased to have children and please don’t take them out if they are a bit noisy. (Obviously full on screaming you would have to).

Sorry for your loss OPFlowers

EmilyChambers79 · 12/12/2017 12:14

I would but I'd sit at the back and leave as soon as baby makes any noise.

The only time I didn't agree with a baby at a funeral was when my friend had to bury her 8 month old and a mutual friend was so excited to show off her new baby, she took her to the funeral at 6 weeks.

She then proceeded to sit through the wake and grumble how she would kill for a full night's sleep. She was asked to leave after that and they've never spoken since!

Enko · 12/12/2017 12:16

I would and I have with 3 of mine. twice to a close relatives and once to a more distant acquaintance. In every single funeral people have come up to me and said " It is so nice to see a baby here it reminds me that life goes on thank you for taking him/her"

Reallytired17 · 12/12/2017 12:16

No, not suggesting everything is controlled! More about the sort of people who would hand the baby around and monopolise the conversation with breast feeding and nappy changes and the like and then at the end driving home say brightly how beautifully little Amelia behaved and was such a comfort to everyone there, oblivious to the fact that she wasn't!

It is probably a bad example but when my own mum died she had been a teacher at a local school and the headteacher closed the school for a day to allow students to attend. It was a very sweet gesture but a bit misguided because they sobbed and howled throughout the service and it meant my dad and I had to keep stopping our speeches and comforting them. I suppose what I'm trying to nicely say is that bringing your baby because you have to, fine - bringing a baby to comfort the bereaved, not so fine. It's a bit "hey, it's all about me, doncha know!"

I am in fact a big advocate of children at funerals. But there is a big difference between a six year old, which was how old I was when I attended my first funeral and reasonably you can expect a child of this age to sit quietly and follow the basic order of service (standing/sitting - SEN excepted obviously) and a baby or toddler who you obviously can't!

I've no problem with babies at funerals, by the way, but I don't think they should be there to comfort those who mourn!

speakout · 12/12/2017 12:16

I think it's fine.
When my FIL died my OH really wanted our children to attend- I would have kept them away if he had a different view.
My DD was 6 months, DS 2 years.

Not a peep from either of them. They were as quiet as mice.

Reallytired17 · 12/12/2017 12:17

Ah, that must have been hard OhChill Flowers

Bloopbleep · 12/12/2017 12:23

I took my almost 6 month old to a funeral and everyone loved him. He (superficially) cheered everyone up with his smiles and there were no tantrumy outbursts. I did breastfeed him in church, right next to a huge painting of the Virgin Mary feeding baby Jesus so felt it was probably ok. Nobody else noticed.

monkey1978 · 12/12/2017 12:25

I don't see a problem with it at all, my sister had to take her 3 month old baby to our dads funeral, her DP just took the baby out when she cried, so as long as you are ok with doing that I cant see a problem at all.

AppleTrayBake · 12/12/2017 12:38

I think your beautiful 6mo will put a smile on many faces.

I really can't see how a baby, also a family member to the deceased, could ever be inappropriate at a funeral.

HelloSunshine11 · 12/12/2017 12:43

I was at a funeral yesterday, there were lots of babies there (as well as the small children of my friend who had died). It didn't even occur to me to think it was inappropriate - there was no issue with any of them being there at all.

Equimum · 12/12/2017 12:44

I think it’s fine to take a baby that small, as long as you can discretely exit if you need to.

Crunchymum · 12/12/2017 12:52

Depends on the baby?

My DC1 would have been fine, DC2 not a chance I'd have taken her to a funeral.

Fatbird71 · 12/12/2017 12:56

I took my adopted son with me to my mother's funeral - he'd only been with us for 4 days and was 7 months old.

He got a bit restless during the service and made his voice heard but my husband walked across the back.

Why not ask the direct family if they would mind.

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