AIBU to ask is there life after London?

[poppingshop1]

I know there is, but is it a good one?

DH & I are true Londoners & live in a lovely part of SW London that I grew up in. We have a lovely life, mum around the corner, excellent school which DC1 attends around the other corner, lovely neighbours, etc. BUT we are starting to think we should leave. 90% of our childhood friends have moved out to either zone 5/6 or the home counties. 3 of my close friends (met through NCT) who live nearby have all decided to leave & told me this week.

We want more space (property is 1300 sq ft) which we can’t afford unless we move to other parts of London (don’t really see the point) & husband is finding the tube more & more stressful. Plus the general hustle & bustle is starting to grate.

However the idea of moving to the suburbs terrify me (don’t mean to offend), worried I will be bored/lonely & DH might struggle with the commute as he’s used to 30 mins door to door. I’d prefer to live in a 3/4 bed terrace close to amenities than a 6 bed detached in the middle of nowhere.

My 3 NCT friends are moving to other cities (Bristol, Edinburgh & Bath) & I’m starting to think that moving to another city could be a great option.

I’m lucky that I freelance so 90% of my work is wfh. DH would obviously earn less working in another city but still plenty of finance jobs around at the 70k mark and as we have at least 500k equity our cost of living would ideally be lower, I feel we might have a better quality of life. My mum is likely to move to be closer to us (she’s an immigrant, so no other family here).

Has anyone moved from London to other cities? Did you regret it? How hard did you find it settle? Where would you go?

Thank you!! Pickfords are here right now, it's absolute carnage

Purely anecdotally, I noticed when I moved to London for uni that all my friends from London, Kent, Essex etc had divorced parents. Where I had grown up, up north, I had just one friend with divorced parents. I did wonder if the long commutes into London were a factor - you spend so much less time together if one or both of you is leaving so early and returning so late.

I could be talking out of my substantial arse there, it was just what I noticed!

OP when you say SW London, do you mean Putney sort of area or are you more into Surrey? Often you can get a lot more space for your money just by moving out a little way and choosing the right area.

Sw12/11

My parents separated (don’t think they will ever get divorced) as my dads job (banker) meant my mum barely saw him. All there friends have too sadly. Plus he did play a little too hard, the 80s were slightly excessive!

I can see that - my DF was also a banker in the 80's! We moved to bucks for a few years when I was tiny, but he wanted to go back up north precisely because of the commute.

As a child I remember only seeing him at weekends when we lived there, so it must have been v hard on my mum with me, DB and my half brother.

Nonetheless my dad said, "your mother cried when I told her we had to move down south - 3 years later she cried when I told her we had to move back!"

We might even have a few curry houses.

Yep. Balti anyone.....

rebeccas there is a large swedish academic research project on commuting that suggests you’re right, and that people don’t take the personal/family costs of commuting into account much when deciding to relocate. Obviously if couples split up that becomes economic cost too.

But some locations in London are a long and / or stressful commute too. Door to door time, comfort, ease, service reliability, and other options (eg buses, other localish rail or tube routes) if there are problems with the usual route, are important factors.

Where we lived in zone 2 SE LOndon transport was poor - overcrowded platforms, sardines, cross commuters, delays, 90 minute (fallback if trains out) bus journey some days.

Popping - just a suggestion, but have you thought of having a look in the direction of Teddington, Hampton, Sunbury sort of way. There's a more relaxed feel out that way I think and the river is beautiful and adds to the vibe. It's very green and chilled I always think, but still great connections. Petersham and Ham on the Richmond side are like villages, but 5 mins into Kingston or Richmond. I think you may get a bit more for your money? You could buy a house with a cellar and do a basement conversion in a few years (obviously not if you're next to the river) or with potential to go into the loft.

That's v interesting dozer!

speakout my DD and I stayed in Edinburgh and went to an Indian restaurant.

Do they have restaurants in Edinburgh? Who would have thunk it?

I lived in London with my DH for 4 years when our DC were babies. We’re both Northerners but uni/worked down there. I loved it, but once on maternity etc never seemed to venture out of our little area so made the decision to come back up North.

We’ve been in Leeds now for 12 years and I honestly think it’s such a fantastic place to live. Plenty of culture up here we’re not all flat cap wearing country bumpkins.

One of the best vegetarian Indian restaurants I've ever eaten in was in Edinburgh!

I don't think they have many restaurants in Edinburgh. I know there is a Greggs near the bus station. I visited for the day and struggled to find anywhere to eat.

For those of you that have moved out of London, are any of you mixed/non white families? If so, where did you go and how has your children found the change?

Diversity is a huge thing for me and I would never let my ds grow up in a non diverse area. I’m not as daft as to think diversity doesn’t exist outside London but I want the equivalent. I have found it in Birmingham, we have family there and I find the people
So warm and welcoming. Diverisity and inclusion seems great too.

Bristol/Bath not so much, but I’m happy to be proved wrong. am i?

But a bit further out, there are still real, long-lasting communities full of second- or even third-generation local Londoners.

Patches of "Second or even third" generation "Local Londoners" all sounds a bit contradictory

When I was a bit younger eighth, ninth, tenth or more generation Londoners were commonplace.

We've become a very high turnover city.

I was once told I was very brave to live outside London! . I moved to the midlands not Iraq.

Personally I now find London too crowded but I appreciate I have a hotel in zone 3 courtesy of my parents.

I hated the long commute and the crazy house prices. People are friendlier here. I like my non London life.

For those of you that have moved out of London, are any of you mixed/non white families? If so, where did you go and how has your children found the change?

Yes and yes.

Of course there are areas that aren't so diverse, just like, strangely enough, there are also areas like that in London!

OP

I was once in the position that you are in and we moved out to suburban SW London. I hated it for the first year then disengaged my head from my arse and now really love living here; it’s a town in its own right and although it doesn’t have the pizzazz of zone 1/2/3 it’s really nice.

We are even considering a move to - whisper it - WOKING if any more children appear. That place is going through a huge revamp and I’d be happy as a pig in muck to live there, especially as it’s on a fast train line into Waterloo x

Moved out a few years ago. Took 2 years to find my feet, the DC didn't take so long...

On balance the quality of education, traffic, pollution are all much better. There are 10x the amount of Childrens activities in the burbs - yet only a similar fraction of stuff to do for adults!! Well - less decent bars and clubs anyway...

There is a huge sense of community here that we never had in London and which I wouldn't have anticipated.l and having our own large garden has turned out to be better than I'd thought.

The downsides are 'narrower' attitudes... which can come as a shock after more cosmopolitan London.

Nothing wrong with loving London, lots wrong with assuming everywhere that is not London is lacking

Exactly.
Assuming that you can’t get a decent curry or coffee outside London is madness.
There might be more Indian supermarket, (my small town has three), you might have more coffee shops where you can buy locally roasted really well made coffee (I can walk to 4 such places from my house) but non of that means that they are things you can only find in London.
Yes you will only find The Globe or the National Gallery or The Victoria and Albert Museum in London, and it would be churlish to suggest that you can find the equivalent in many other towns and cities but they are not the be all and end all of life.

I guess it’s what you want.
I want a house I can afford with a big garden. A five minute commute and a short drive to open countryside and the coast.
I’m also an hour from London if I want to.