To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

[yaela123]

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

Pengggwn:
questioning my right to express my opinion if it implies a woman might not be telling the absolute truth (which I object to most strongly).

You called other posters liars. You do not have the right to do that and expect them to take it on the chin.

Please explain why any woman here might wish to lie about her experience of periods? If you have any reason apart from deep seated prejudice not to believe the women you have called liars, please post it.

OP

Maybe send this thread to the teacher.

Domani

I have a personal rule of never saying 'no' to toilet requests.

I might make a student wait until another has returned but I would never say no.

missmillimentscardigan
You seem to have a similar approach to me. Starts and ends of lessons are a no.

The rest of the time I follow iur school policy of 'not in lessons but use discretion'. Knowing your students, likely piss takers & couple of strategies to try and minimise having the contagious 'can i go... can i go when so and so gets back...' works pretty well.
I don't get the idea that it is being presented as either 'let whoever out whenever' vs 'teachers are so draconian and no wonder people don't respect them'.
Most of us manage just fine applying some common sense.

Domani : "In fact, I've seen so many bad posts from teachers on mumsnet and experience in rl, I'm actually starting to dislike teachers in general. This is a shame because I used to have a lot of respect for them, it's gradually been eroded by the teachers themselves."

Mumsnet has started to put me off teachers too I have to say.

The teachers saying they wait until a pupil has asked twice or in a certain tone of voice before the believe them, what if your pupil is shy or finds it hard to speak up for themselves? I can remember pissing all over the classroom floor aged 8 because I was too scared to interrupt the feather and heads conversation and I knew I would be told off, so I just couldn't hold it in any longer and wet myself and had to be sent home, was teased the next day for it.

I'm also of the opinion that I'm sure a lot of girls are completely distracted trying not to leak during lessons and slink off discretely at the end with a cardigan around their waist and hiding any marks on the chair. I certainly would not have discussed my period with a teacher.

I bleed really heavily and have been having regular periods since I was 11 years old and would get teased by the boys for having sanitary pads. As an adult woman now my periods are much heavier, I flood regularity, and often have to deal with leaks. I have noticed though in the last year that women are discussing this more openly, I used to just think I was weird.

Teacher not feather. Would be nice if teachers had feathers though. Big wings.

Off sakes sorry about the auto corrects in that.

I still respect teachers, they work immensely hard imo. My DD's teacher is lovely, and I had some fab teachers during my school years who I'll never forget.

But unfortunately like all professions you get the odd few who aren't great in one way or another and those are the ones who tend to get posted about on forums like mn.

I can literally go to the loo, put on a supersize night-time sanitary towel, get myself all sorted, go to leave the loo and realise by the feeling that it has flooded and I need to put a new one on. I get 2 days out of 25 where it can be this heavy on and off. People who don’t experience this are lucky, it’s utterly shit and very stressful when at work or other places where it’s not convenient to run to the loo every 5 minutes.

YANBU I would complain.

Like I say, I'm not going to comment any more. I can't help what I do and don't think is credible.

Yes you can. You could educate yourself so you have more of an idea what's a realistic possibility and what isn't. In this instance, ignorance is a choice.

Have you contacted the school or teacher OP?

TitaniasCloset
Honestly, we get to know our students.
I know there's so much bitching etc on here about teachers but we are honestly trying to do our best.
I can tell you who the piss takers are in my class. I can tell you the ones who i know as soon as thry ask they are genuine. I use this knowledge of students to inform my application of school policy.

We have to follow school policy (blanket no bans i hate but thankfully i don't work in a school with that approach) so in my case, not a free for all but exercise discretion.

What people don't realise when they're busy being outraged at people maybe having to wait is that some staff are targeted because time wasters knoe Mr/Mrs x will say yes. I have a huge issue with this because then our head has words with staff saying 'keep the kids in class. If this continues toilets will be locked and any child who needs it will see head of year who will open one for them' or worse, some schools have blanket bans because some staff can't exercise professional discretion.

It's very popular on here for a certain type of poster to chip in with all the reasons teachers are awful, tell people to call and kick off etc. I'll be honest, i only ever get pissed off or bite when people are doing that type of thing - or worse when people are giving out really crappy advice that is easy ti say online as a keyboard warrior but won't actually help the parent (e.g. demand a meeting with the head, report the teacher, tell ypur child to walk out becaude school won't do anything, lie if school mention attendance etc).

So in the OP's case, the liklihood is it's just poor phrasing if hold it in. It is helpful to contact head of year and explain the situation and perhaps seek clarification on the school's situation or request a toilet pass. It's totally not helpful for people to be all 'report him for cruelty', 'i think you should call and give him a lesson on biology' and generally act like GF.

Sometimes i do think people can be quick to fire off all kinds of angry nonsense/mob mentality on school threads that isn't always that helpful (and it makes it more difficult for those of us trying ti help to be heard because the second you disagree with the mob or advise anything other than kicking off, the usual suspects come out claiming 'typical teachers defending bullying/huniliating children' etx).

I have horrendously heavy periods - think using those super big tampons plus needing a pad to catch leakage. On bad days, I need to change very frequently and can have big gushes (sorry).
I couldn't wait half an hour. It'd end up on the floor or all over my chair.
I'm glad your daughter was fine but the teacher really needs to be made aware that this is not okay. It's only a matter of time before he refuses a pupil who does get the really heavy ones and she leaks publicly. Awful for a teenage girl.
Also totally jealous at all those who would be fine for an extra half hour and don't get why this would be an issue.

Thank you for taking the time to explain maisypops . I don't know, I just think free access to a loo is a basic human right. I think having a hall pass that they grab from your desk on the way to the loo would be better. But If you are telling me it gets abused by 'the usual suspects', well then I have to accept that as I'm not a teacher myself.

I'm now hoping however that a few pp on here will accept that it's perfectly common for some women to leak even if they never have.

Still think the teacher in the op did not deal with this well. He should have just let her go and the phrase he chose was inappropriate.

I have extremely heavy periods. Half an hour would have resulted in blood everywhere.

Can’t wear tampons, they are full within minutes and leak through pad too. Have to wear night pads for day time.

Teachers were fuckers at school. Forced to do PE, not allowed toilet breaks, not treated seriously. Humiliating.

No one will be treating DD like this, that’s for sure!

Have to agree. Teachers in general are not a problem. It’s a job you do for your love of teaching and students learning. It is an extremely difficult and challenging job in what’s becoming poor working environments. (Not the schools but governments approach and attitudes)

Like anywhere though occasionally you come across an arsehole! But you get them in every walk of life and all professions.

Ds has a toilet card for medical reasons - a few teachers have refused to allow him to use it. They don’t anymore since one that did caused him to have a full on myoclonus attack in class!

I am a true believer that if you think good of people they will be good.

TitaniasCloset
Not a problem. I really don't mind explaining how some things come to be.

I just get annoyed and irritated on threads where it goes like this:
OP - something in school
Mob - argh evil teachers
Teacher - hi there actually, you might want to consider this/try this/see if from this angle before you act. It might help you resolve it easier.
Mob- typical teachers always defending each otjet
Teacher - i'm not. I'm just saying that going in all guns blazing often doesn't help and is a bit 'that parenty' and if you haven't got the whole tale then it could be quite awkward, hence my suggestions.
Mob - ooh we should be submissive and worship teachers. Why do people think we should fear being 'that parent'?

Having a pass how you suggested would be abused unfortunately.

I think that some people on this thrrad have been unreasonablr on a range of things if I'm honest.

I don't think the teacher's phrasing was good, but I do understand why he might have had to say no intially.

Hold it in?! What planet is this teacher on?!

RaspberryRipple63
Me?

Or the teacher in the OP?

Do you really think that’s a fair representation of this thread though Maisy? Where’s the bit where the teacher calls everyone liars?

PineappleScrunchie
No. I don't but then that's not what I've said.

I've outlined the type of thread/posts that usually prompts more pissed off responses.

Generally, at least on the threads I'm on, teachers don't call everyone liars. They do tend to suggest being open to the possibility that reported versions of events aren't always 100% accurate (e.g. they got a detention 'just for asking to borrow a pen' vs talking all lesson ans then asked for a pen when the teacher said silent working). It's reasonable to suggest hearing staff out when calling school to raise a query vs calling up fuming adament that 'well my DC says...'

I used to have to wear night pads in the daytime as well, Gliteus, I only bought nighttime ones. Accident I didn't realise that was normal tbh. It's only looking back that I realise what bad periods I had.

Maisypops, I do agree that teachers get a bad press on mumsnet, unfairly often. But telling a child to hold in a period is bound to be something that riles posters, and a teacher in high school, even male, should be more clued up really.

I do hate the phrase 'that parent', why would we care if teachers view us that way? Our concern is to support our children, not worry about what teachers think of us. Mostly, supporting them means working with the teachers, but it's right to disagree at times.

I do hate the phrase 'that parent', why would we care if teachers view us that way? Our concern is to support our children, not worry about what teachers think of us. Mostly, supporting them means working with the teachers, but it's right to disagree at times.

Maisypops, I do agree that teachers get a bad press on mumsnet, unfairly often. But telling a child to hold in a period is bound to be something that riles posters, and a teacher in high school, even male, should be more clued up really.
It was an idiotic thing to say. I'm not defending the wording. Just trying to suggest that people going all 'call up and give him a biology lesson' is pointless.

I do hate the phrase 'that parent', why would we care if teachers view us that way? Our concern is to support our children, not worry about what teachers think of us. Mostly, supporting them means working with the teachers, but it's right to disagree at times.
Because 'that parent' refers to parents who are unsupportive, rude, aggressive, confrontational. They are the ones who call up saying their 'DC would NEVER lie' (when the reality is everyone does at times) and call up undermining the school etc.

A parent who calmly, reasonably and sensibly raises queries with the school wouldn't be 'that parent'.
A parent who has justifyable reasons to complain and who does so appropriately (e.g. speaks to the first logical point of contact before going more senior).

Put it this way, I deal with issues with parents and most are not 'that parenty' at all. The ones who are 'that parenty' get a negative reputation for good reasons

It's reasonable to suggest hearing staff out when calling school to raise a query I've raised a query - teacher assumed it was my ds who told me about the incident with her sarky, rude TA - it wasn't, it was me standing close by who had overheard the conversation her TA was having with my ds - but you know who she blamed - without for one second thinking of questioning a member of staff. Teachers are human, they will try to defend themselves and in my view they are as likely to lie if they think they are in the shit, as children.

I was that parent last week.

The teachers who are meant to be the experts at my sons SEN school have managed to fuck him up so badly he is self harming again.
They have knowingly provided only 16 hours of school per week some weeks 1 and 1/2 hours when they know legally it should be 25.
They left my son stood out in -1 weather as the minibus did not turn up and then they lied saying my son was not there. Funny as I was with him waiting for the damn bus.

Teachers are not all amazing.
Parents have to step up and be that parent because some teachers are shit.

I will never be ashamed of being that parent.

greenhairymonster
Disagreeing with teachers doesn't make someone 'that parent'.

Teachers don't mind questions, queries, challenges, disagreements etc. We just want people to be reasonable and polite when they do raise them.