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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

727 replies

yaela123 · 11/12/2017 18:41

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

OP posts:
BackBoiler · 12/12/2017 15:19

Exactly laguna! If those pp had experienced doing the simple school run with a super plus tampon, 2 maxi towels end to end all contained within a tena lady pant just so you don't leak then they would realise why others are flabberghasted at their posts

Ikanon · 12/12/2017 15:21

I'm late 30s and still get caught out by my period and most definitely can't 'hold it in'. Sometimes it's all I can do to get to the loo straight away.

I was so shy at school admitting anything period related would have mortified me. Using it as an excuse would never have occurred to me.

Goldenhandshake · 12/12/2017 15:23

I would complain. 'Hold it in'?! FFS Angry

All those saying she should have changed before hand etc must be very lucky to have never experienced flooding during a period. I have and it can go from nothing to needing to change the pad very quickly, well within an hour.

JacquesHammer · 12/12/2017 15:42

@Laguna

Quite. What a tricky way of thinking as well.

I mean do they assume dogs don't exist because they've never been one. Or men. I mean they've never experience (mostly!) having a penis. Maybe men don't exist.

I've often doubted whether bananas are real. Now I know.

LA678 · 12/12/2017 15:47

I would complain personally. When I was in school, I leaked through my skirt and I had changed just half hour before on my break. I asked to go to the toilet and was refused and spent the whole rest of the lesson focusing on the fact that when I got up would there be blood everywhere? Turns out there was nothing on the chair but my knickers and tights were soaked and I was so embarrassed in case it smelt or people would notice. It takes a few minutes to go to the toilet and change a pad and can save so much embarrassment, especially in secondary school. Teacher sounds like a dick.

LagunaBubbles · 12/12/2017 15:53

I mean do they assume dogs don't exist because they've never been one. Or men. I mean they've never experience (mostly!) having a penis. Maybe men don't exist

Grin
Hatsoffdear · 12/12/2017 15:58

I would be beyond bloody livid and be emailing the HT.

I have had flooding periods at times and so have dds.
The teacher sounds vile.

Marcipex · 12/12/2017 16:02

I absolutely think your dd should have been allowed to go...but I can hold it in. I'm guessing the woman in his life, if any, can too. So he thinks everyone can I suppose.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/12/2017 16:04

@Marcipex how on earth do you "hold" period blood in? What's the mechanism?

Marcipex · 12/12/2017 16:16

Just like holding in a wee . I don't claim I can do it indefinitely, just I can hang on till I get to a loo.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/12/2017 16:18

Your vagina and cervix is not like your urethra and bladder though... I think you're extremely unusual, and that it is extremely unlikely that the women this teacher knows can all do this.

missmillimentscardigan · 12/12/2017 16:22

I'm a teacher and would definitely mention this to the school. It can be very tricky to manage heavy or irregular periods, especially for a teenager and this teacher should have let her go. I suffered with very heavy periods for a while as a pre-teen and it was very difficult at school.
I personally almost always allow students, male and female, to go to the loo at pretty much any point during an hour long lesson (apart from the very beginning or 5 mins before the end). You may not know what continence/bowel issues/ anxiety/heavy periods etc a student is suffering from, so why add to that stress necessarily?

Marcipex · 12/12/2017 16:22

No idea, I've never asked anyone.

Pumperthepumper · 12/12/2017 16:23

Marcipex I’m totally amazed by that, I thought it was impossible! How long can you hold it for? Can you always tell when it’s about to happen? When my periods were at their heaviest I didn’t get any warning, I would just feel blood leaking down my legs (sorry)

missmillimentscardigan · 12/12/2017 16:23

unnecessarily!

Verbena37 · 12/12/2017 16:29

topsyt totally agree.
The people saying the op’s Dd needs to better manage her periods, are obviously the ones who have had lovely, issue free periods since the word go.

How some people have such a lack of empathy astounds me.

Marcipex · 12/12/2017 16:31

Er, yes I can tell.
Maybe 10 mins or 15 mins. Not ages.
Quite a few people up thread have said the same.
Hope I'm not in the Daily Fail tomorrow.

RB68 · 12/12/2017 16:31

I think I would raise it in terms of it being difficult to manage heavy periods or erratic ones, holding it in just isn't a realistic option, leaks do happen and flooding as well, Its a bit like people dissing period pain as theirs has always been manageable on half a paracetamol.

Everyone is diffierent and because one or two abuse it the other girls shouldn't have to run the risk of flooding everywhere and being covered in blood because they are making an ill judged stand.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2017 16:33

I could never manage my periods like that! I didn't realise they were unusually heavy, I assumed it was normal to have it leaking on to my knickers and jeans. Until it got unbearable and I spoke to the doctor about it.

I agree that the lack of empathy is astounding, it's an unpleasant experience for teenage girls, and embarrassing if they leak.

MismatchedCat · 12/12/2017 16:39

There is no "holding it in" with a period. The vagina is not a sphincter like a bladder or anus. This male teacher should be informed of this biological fact if he is going to be teaching girls.

I would absolutely contact the school about this. He needs to be told.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 12/12/2017 16:42

If people were a bit more Chance Ward: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.glamour.com/story/chance-ward-tampons/amp

Then talking about periods would be as normal as talking about the weather.

Topseyt · 12/12/2017 16:45

I do not believe anyone who claims to be able to hold their period in.

Load of utter bollocks.

Pumperthepumper · 12/12/2017 16:54

marcipex but what’s the action you use to keep it in? I was thinking maybe a pelvic floor thing but I’ve just googled and that wouldn’t work because as a PP said there’s no sphincter muscle to keep it in.

RadicalFern · 12/12/2017 16:56

This teacher sounds very much like he doesn't know how periods work...

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 12/12/2017 17:03

Ha! Some of the comments on here. A super plus tampon doubled up with a heavy flow pad sometimes didn't last me 20 minutes. It was horrific and i was anaemic. When I was younger the pain used to make me faint and/or be sick even after strong painkillers.
I've now had the coil fitted and it's improving but I used to struggle to drive to work without pissing blood everywhere. Imagine that for a child at school. I hope he was willing to clean any mess up from his classroom Grin
I'd be raging.