To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

[yaela123]

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

Tell her just to walk out next time and go to the loo. Most teachers - if they see you walk back in calmly 5 minutes later will let it slide and assume you 'needed' to go rather than using as an excuse to bunk off
Please don't do this.
I get fed up hearing people say 'tell your child to walk out'.

All that will happen is the student will get sanctioned for walking out and a silly battle over sanctions will start (usually because home who havr said walk out then kick off about sanctions for walking out).

I'm very reasonable and very fair. If a child walked out my classroom I wouldn't be letting it slide and if i was met with 'but my mam said...' then I'd be passing it to senior leadership to pick up.

God, we women have no chance if some of you on this thread are anything to go by! Absolute ignorance about the different levels of menstruation we live with or suffer, no bloody wonder men ask our daughters to "hold it in"! Hope those of you saying "she should learn to change her pad more often" don't have sons and teach them this shit. Rant over. OP: YANBU.

I had periods that got so bad that I Actually WAS going to bleed to death. The doctors estimated it would have taken another 2-3 days of similar blood loss. Obviously at that point serious action was taken! But until then there were some hairy moments at school. I learnt to use tampons pretty damned quick because i needed that plus a "nighttime" pad to try and get through a lesson. I regularly had to leave lessons to deal with this, and had to keep spare trousers etc at school. Yes, eventually I got a doctors note, but most teens periods are irregular to start with - you get told to "give it six months and they'll settle down" etc etc. this may not have applied here but the key is that it could have done. I don't have to explain the intimate details of my medical problems at work to be allowed regular access to a toilet, and nor should teenagers. If your school has a "bathroom pass" policy where parents can ring up, or the child can contact the office, and get a pass to enable their daughter to be excused that's one thing - if it's up to the whim of a teacher as it was at my school, then refusing becomes unacceptable.

Teacher here who had to leave her own classroom last week (twice) to deal with flooding through a mooncup and pad. If have let her go and probably given the key to the closest toilet.

For @Pengggwn my time line was this
840 left briefing
841 entered cubicle and emptied mooncup and replaced pad.
912 the flood
913 waved frantically at TA in another lesson to stand in my room for 5 minutes so I could sort myself out.

Guess what, I work with reasonable and understanding people who helped out.

Hope the poor girl never gets diarrhea with her periods like some do, including me. tis shit.

Guess what, I work with reasonable and understanding people who helped out.
I honestly think most people are reasonable.

I let 6th formers out to make lemsip up if they're poorly/leave a little early if they were pushed for a driving lesson time. They get on with a task and accept me making myself a warm brew when i've been on break duty in the snow.

With main school classes the same principle applies to me but with more obvious boundaries (obviously because the nature of teachomg differs).
Firm and fair goes a long way. Being nice and reasonable but without being a pushover is a good place to be as a tracher.

Sanctioned for walking out of a lesson to deal with urgent menstruation issues? What kind of dire school do you work in Maisy

Policing periods with sanctions are amongst the barmiest things I've heard on the thread which has some competition.

Particularly as other teachers have said that they know if a pupil is for real if they do walk straight out.

Totally not the point of the thread, but as someone who didn't go to school in the UK and doesn't have kids in school, and has never worked in a British school, this whole concept of not being allowed to go into the toilet whenever you need to is just so strange... I don't recall there ever being a stampede of skiving students back in my school days, even though we were perfectly allowed to get up, go to the loo and come back as and when we needed to.

Maisy it sounds like we are similar teachers. Reasonable but not pushovers.

Sanctioned for walking out of a lesson to deal with urgent menstruation issues
What kind of dire school do you work inMaisy
The sort of dire school where we expect students to politely ask staff if they can leave (or have you not bothered to read any of the several posts where I've explained that?!)

If a child walks out of my lesson then yes, they are sanctioned. We can't have students deciding they will walk out when it suits.

Anyway, my point is that people all too readily sit on MN saying 'walk out and school won't do anything' when that is poor advice. They simply aren't in a position to say what a school will/won't do.

Maisy it sounds like we are similar teachers. Reasonable but not pushovers
I think so.
But what is becoming apparent on this thread is that there's a desire to create 2 camps of 'let people out whenever because better to have 100 children wandering site unsupervised' vs 'teachers are horrible and enjoy policing girls on their periods. Tell them to walk out and school won't do anything'.

In my school (and in my experienve across schools actually) most people take our firm and fair, reasonable but not a pushober approach.

This is a strange thread. I was standing up once in the kitchen with my partner and i was on my period and I was wearing a pad, when out of nowhere, no warning a big gush of blood came out straight through the pad and onto the floor! I was mortified why would anyone make that up. It does happen.

You can trust us teachers. We do know what we are doing. Unfortunately, students do often want to leave the classroom in the middle of a lesson to cause trouble, or text someone, or just because they are bored and want a five minute break - is that really so hard to believe? Well, we see it every day.

Also, if you let one person go to the loo, then half a dozen other kids will suddenly think, o, what a good idea, I too fancy a break....... then half a dozen hands will go up, followed by a chorus of 'that's not fair! You let her go but but not me, that's sexist!'

But of course, we use our judgement and discretion, and don't deny anyone access to a loo in an emergency. I see this debate quite often on here; people who never have to manage a classroom really have little faith in those that do, every day, and know what they are talking about!!!!

OP, even in this day and age male teachers can get hugely embarrassed talking about periods. He chose the wrong words and probably was a bit flustered. There wasn't an accident, though, as it turns out your daughter was able to wait until break which is exactly what the teacher predicted, what experience has shown us is usually the case. But if your daughter, or any student, really was in an agonising situation, I am sure the teacher would have understood; and if not, then I am sure a head of house or head of year would have supported your daughter if she had to run out anyway. That happens rarely enough....

maisy I don't think people are saying just walk out with no explanation.
They're saying that if their child has asked and been refused and they really really need to go then they should just go

I've only read 2 pages so far and I am raging.

I had heavy periods as a teen. I used super plus tampons with a pad. 2 hours would be my limit on day one and I was ALWAYS worried about leaks.
As a grown woman I usually got it right in terms of planning loo stops, as a 15 year old I didn't always, and was always worried about leaks and terrified of leaking through clothes.

Half an hour is eons when you are flooding.

If YOU don't have heavy periods then FUCKING LISTEN to those of us who do.

Where is the solidarity for other women here? Where is your empathy and support?

Totally not the point of the thread, but as someone who didn't go to school in the UK and doesn't have kids in school, and has never worked in a British school, this whole concept of not being allowed to go into the toilet whenever you need to is just so strange..

I agree it's very strange. My 5 year old told me he was only allowed to go to the toilet at break time. I was abit

Rabbit-him being male and therefore easily ‘flustered’ is a pathetic response. Us females really must think of the delicate male brain mustn’t we . It was luck not good judgement in this incidence.

I started my periods at 11 and had heavy bleeding from about 12. At 22 was diagnosed with endometriosis and now at almost 40 still suffer terribly. This teacher is a complete twat and you should report him. Hope you DD is ok

by the way, total sympathy for teachers who are trying to balance the skiving students with genuine cases.

Of course some girls in school will use their period as an excuse to get what they want or get out of what they do not want to do. But.....they must be given the benefit of the doubt, as the consequences could be very embarrassing for the girl involved.

I ma thinking about my DGD who is struggling so much with her periods. She would be mortified if she were refused a request to go to the toilet.

Possibly luck, avocado. But more than likely good judgement from years of experience. I promise you I am similarly 'lucky' a dozen times a day. If you have to deal with this day in, day out, you soon get an instinct for it. You soon realise you just can't allow anyone who asks to go to the loo, it's so disruptive, you soon realise they don't need to most of the time, and if they do need to, of course, you let them.

Trust me. And all other teachers telling you the same thing. We do know our stuff. Promise!!

I am one of those "liars" who bloodbath periods and at my heaviest can soak through any tampon and/or sanitary towel in minutes.

I totally get that some teenage girls will take the piss, and that this makes for a difficult judgement call for teachers. I do still have a lot of sympathy though for those girls having problem periods.

The comment from a male teacher to "hold it in" is utterly ridiculous though.

And of course, here come the women saying that their periods don't require pad changes every two hours, so your daughter doesn't either.

It's not just male teachers who are ignorant about periods, obviously.

At that age, on the first 3 days of my periods, I was changing my pads every hour, day and night. Took another 7 years before I was diagnosed with endometriosis.

This is a discriminatory policy - Equality Act, direct sex discrimination. Complain.

@MaisyPops

I've bled through a pad and onto my clothes in less than half an hour and when that happens you can feel it. When I've had that feeling in work I've been straight into the loo.

I had heavy periods as a teen as well.