To not want DH to shoot birds in Yorkshire?

[g1itterati]

AIBU or a bit "precious" please? I'm quite wound up about this since Saturday.

I'm a rep at The DC's school with 2 other mums. One of them is quite a "character" - e.g. she turns up to school runs in green wellies, tweeds and a Barbour jacket as if she's on a farm in god knows where, when in actual fact we're in Central London. She talks loudly that she has to dash as she's late for "the shoot" - though I never quite brought myself to enquire where and what she will be shooting.

When we held a coffee morning at her house, she was about to get her "guns" out (yes, actual guns from a gun cupboard) but fortunately most people had to make a quick exit because of the parking metres. She is from Yorkshire and makes no bones about the fact that she wants to move back up there asap, leave her DH working in London for a few more years and put the DC in a boarding prep. Anyway, each to their own. She is very friendly and actually quite funny.

They asked DH and I over for lunch this weekend. I had told her I was vegetarian to which she said, "Why?" I said I was fine to just have veg and sides, so that was that. Anyway, when we got there, she was making a big thing about how she orders whole dead pheasants from Yorkshire and plucks them herself! Apparently she has then hanging in the "pantry!" Then, after lunch, talk turned to shooting and they proceeded to get out what can only be described as a whole arsenal of guns and then talked us through what they have shot with them!

My AIBU is - her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other and he has invited him on a two-day shoot of birds in Yorkshire in Jan! DH has accepted this.

This morning I thanked her when I saw her briefly and she said (laughing) "Your DH is a dark horse, how did you two get together?!" Basically, she is alluding to the fact he was once trained and has used guns professionally and I'm anti- the whole thing.

AIBU to ask DH not to go because I am totally anti- fox-hunting and what is the point of shooting birds for no reason as a sport? Personally, I think it should be made illegal. Or should I just accept that some people are different to me and let it go?

do you drink milk or consume dairy products or use leather, g1itterati?

Fox hunting and pheasant shoots are entirely different. Whilst both could be seen as sport, the pheasants are shot and instantly killed, and if for an unfortunate reason they are not instantly killed, their necks are then broken to end their suffering asap. No dogs are used to kill them, and at least at the shoots that we hold on the estate where I work, all pheasants are either taken home by the guns or sold to our village butcher. It's obviously not to everyone's tastes, but I do think overall it's more humane than birds in captivity who are killed.

People have very misinformed views on halal. But it's easy to read the daily mail and get ranty with the next door neighbour when it's about 'foreign' practices.

I have just explained my response to that above, ragged.
I do wear leather shoes, but not bags or jackets. I have some dairy, yes, but not much to be honest.
People can make a difference in individual ways and something is better than nothing - even if it's just cutting out pork sausages or not going to KFC!
Saying you have to be vegan to have any moral perspective on the meat /dairy industry is a bit like saying you can't be a feminist if you get married in church or take your husbands name (but let's not go there).

You're allowed a little dairy (and probably leather and wool wearing, too). He's allowed a single shooting outing (when he probably won't hit a bird anyway). Evens.

Billions of people have milk in their coffee every morning. Very very few people make a day out of shooting animals. This kind of argument always gets trotted out to justify the hunting industry, but it's not the same thing at all and we all know it.

It is utterly ridiculous to say "you can't object to this thing because of all these other things you don't object to" There might be a sort of logic in this case if country sports happened primrily to provide food. But they don't. There is no moral justification for hunting/killing primarily for sport/pleasure. The meat industry is reprehensible- but a completely different argument. It is more logical to equate country sports with big game hunting.

if billions of people do it, then it's morally ok, but if only thousands do it then it's not ok? Whatevs.

Sorry but only read your op so don't know if this hasn't been covered but

her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other and he has invited him on a two-day shoot of birds in Yorkshire in Jan

Run for the hills. The whole set up seems very showy which seems very off.
Came across something similar. Told dp not to get involved.

Those that bought into the macho edgy pastime who told my dp that I was being controlling and boring got their fingers burned financially.
I might be wrong but the whole show sounds off.
I am not saying it is a scam but I would not be comfortable with this.
It is like they are dividing you as only your dh was invited.

Otherwise they might be quite genuine and the business they want your dh to buy into is going to make so much money. But if that was the case wouldn't they go and get a loan from a bank

Big Game is rare, often endangered, Big game has pivotal roles in the local ecosystem. Not like British pheasants. I can't equate them at all.

Oh so it's OK to shoot something for fun if there are billions of them but not if there are only thousands?

Whatevs

I'd almost go with that, actually. There is a sliding scale of "ok". Because individuals barely matter compared to an entire species at risk.

It's partly why we kill ants, headlice, slugs, fleas, mosquitos. Why MNers gleefully discuss ways to destroy spiders and rats. By drinking milk OP supports an industry that mostly bolts male calves soon after birth. She agrees this is "ok" because billions of people do it.

Oliversmumsarmy makes good points about lousy investment "opportunities".

We have a large lowland pheasant shoot here on our farm, I think half of the reason you’re so aghast OP is because you have just grown up in a very different world - here it is normal to have guns in cupboards and pheasants in the pantry.

Game shooting is a lot less cruel that most UK meat production providing you can shoot, birds have a free range life here and should be dispatched quickly - if the sport didn’t exist the habitat wouldn’t exist and the wildlife and song birds residing here wouldn’t be here.

What I do object to though, are large commercial shoots offering corporate days to Tarquins stock brokers straight outta London who can’t hit a barn door at 20 paces, because you end up with maimed, injured birds who have to be retrieved half dead by dogs and then knocked on the head - that is not sport.

Considering the above, I have no issue with your friend shooting, because I assume she can shoot, your DH on the other hand cannot. Stick to clays until he is able to swiftly hit and kill a bird outright.

her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other

this would be my main worry.

I am also trying to get my mind round the bit where she wants to move back to Yorkshire and leave her dh in London during the week.

If there was any substance to her she would already have a country estate in Yorkshire and she would just up and go and put her dc in boarding school which makes me think it is all a bit strange that she has these country pursuits but doesn't have the money to back them up.

Might be cynical but me thinks your dh might be the one paying for the boarding school and country estate.

Oliversmumsarmy

It’s 2017 - aristos with landed estates are not the only ones shooting game in Yorkshire

It’s 2017 - aristos with landed estates are not the only ones shooting game in Yorkshire hmm

But the way these people put on the act that makes out they are landed gentry.

All I see is a couple who are putting on a show then asking for investments from relative strangers.

If the wife wanted to go back to Yorkshire put her dc in boarding school and leave her dh in London during the week then the only reason stopping her would be that she couldn't afford to.

I know nothing about pheasant shooting but I thought that it only took place on a certain week in August.

Where this woman is going to shoot and what she is shooting doesn't quite add up.

I'm really not worried about DH getting duped into investing in something dodgy. He's not really prone to that. He's made some mistakes over the last 15 years, but probably 90% of it has paid off.

I'm not going to kick up a fuss and stop him going because I do see this as a one-off. Nevertheless (and please excuse my language), I do think the whole set-up is a load of bollocks.

The shooting industry is not the same as the food production industry. The only reason people (generally middle-aged men) shoot is because they enjoy it. If they didn't get a kick out if "the kill", the industry wouldn't exist. Those who shoot as a pastime need to look to themselves as to why this appeals as I'm sure I have no idea.

I've told DH I don't need any dead wildlife in this house and he said of course not. He has trained people in guns, but different guns in different circumstances and it was a long time ago so hopefully they won't even get anything anyway. At the end of the day, if you want to go to the country, you could just go for a walk and discuss whatever you like, rather than make a spectacle of yourself with shotguns.

I'm really not worried about DH getting duped into investing in something dodgy

Then why is he going.

The whole thing sounds at the very least very strange.

Not true. If people didn’t enjoy hunting as a sport someone would still have to go out shoot the birds for supermarkets.

If it’s turned into a farming industry they birds will no longer be wild they will spend their lives in barns like chickens and turkeys.

Who’s to say abbatoir workers don’t get a kick out of killing animals. Not saying they would, but it’s not something you can police. Abbatoirs are horrendous.

If your DH is savvy enough not to be duped into a silly investment then the only part of this that would worry me is the fact that they want to put a gun into the hands of someone completely inexperienced and tell him to shoot towards the birds.

I used to shoot and I still know a lot of people that do, by the way none of us are middle aged men 😉 but I haven’t for a couple of years due to a lack of time and there’s no way I would attempt to go out and shoot a bird without some practice now because I know I probably wouldn’t be able to kill it cleanly.

A friend of mine has a Yorkshire estate which hosts shooting parties. She put her 3 DCs into boarding school and got herself a little flat in Kensington and a little job in a gallery.

She does not dress up for the country when she's in town. That would be silly.

@g1itterati - ask her to define "the guns" and she what she says. PM me for the right answer.

Tatiana - I do see your point, though to be honest, would there really be a large industry in pheasant farming or would they not bother? I've never seen pheasant in a supermarket (not that Im looking). It's only in specialist butchers, so not a massive demand for it in the general public. I doubt many people would miss it, outside of pheasant areas.

Olivers - her family do have land up there, horses etc. They are up there a lot and probably invite all sorts of people. They have horses as well and the kids take friends riding. I think she will move soon, but is worried about the DH on his own.

Welly - define "the guns" as in the type if guns? Or are the guns the people? To be honest, she is a lovely person in many ways -it's just like she's from a different world to me. I've been in this country 20 years, brought up four DC here, but I just can't relate to this kind of thing.

And TBH by January the best of the shooting will be over anyway, so unless he's a reasonable shot he won't hit anything anyway