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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to shoot birds in Yorkshire?

256 replies

g1itterati · 11/12/2017 09:04

AIBU or a bit "precious" please? I'm quite wound up about this since Saturday.

I'm a rep at The DC's school with 2 other mums. One of them is quite a "character" - e.g. she turns up to school runs in green wellies, tweeds and a Barbour jacket as if she's on a farm in god knows where, when in actual fact we're in Central London. She talks loudly that she has to dash as she's late for "the shoot" - though I never quite brought myself to enquire where and what she will be shooting.

When we held a coffee morning at her house, she was about to get her "guns" out (yes, actual guns from a gun cupboard) but fortunately most people had to make a quick exit because of the parking metres. She is from Yorkshire and makes no bones about the fact that she wants to move back up there asap, leave her DH working in London for a few more years and put the DC in a boarding prep. Anyway, each to their own. She is very friendly and actually quite funny.

They asked DH and I over for lunch this weekend. I had told her I was vegetarian to which she said, "Why?" I said I was fine to just have veg and sides, so that was that. Anyway, when we got there, she was making a big thing about how she orders whole dead pheasants from Yorkshire and plucks them herself! Apparently she has then hanging in the "pantry!" Then, after lunch, talk turned to shooting and they proceeded to get out what can only be described as a whole arsenal of guns and then talked us through what they have shot with them!

My AIBU is - her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other and he has invited him on a two-day shoot of birds in Yorkshire in Jan! DH has accepted this.

This morning I thanked her when I saw her briefly and she said (laughing) "Your DH is a dark horse, how did you two get together?!" Basically, she is alluding to the fact he was once trained and has used guns professionally and I'm anti- the whole thing.

AIBU to ask DH not to go because I am totally anti- fox-hunting and what is the point of shooting birds for no reason as a sport? Personally, I think it should be made illegal. Or should I just accept that some people are different to me and let it go?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 11/12/2017 15:43

It's a scam.

iseenodust · 11/12/2017 15:50

YY it's the investment I'd really be worrying about. Shoots are closing as the number of people who choose /can afford to buy-in falls. Membership is literally £'000s. If it's some other kind of investment....you don't know them !

TatianaLarina · 11/12/2017 15:51

Yeah I’m sure OP’s DH was brought down in the last shower and will be lured into a pyramid scheme under the influence of alcohol and roast grouse.

Gruach · 11/12/2017 15:54

TELL US ABOUT THE 'INVESTING'.

Sorry but ...

Nothing else in your posts is of any real importance. Except that such gauche behaviour suggests that they're playing a part.

This is how the Marchs lost all their money in Little Women ...Xmas Grin

BertrandRussell · 11/12/2017 15:58

Does no one ^listen to The Archers? It's definitely Hugo Melling..........

GreyMorning · 11/12/2017 16:07

Yes' bert, Matt's next scam?!

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 16:13

Sorry was on school run. To answer about the investing, I wasn't listening 100% but DH is often approached about investing and he's involved in various IPOs and non-exec roles and mergers, this kind of thing, so he's quite astute there and won't get drawn into anything that looks iffy. Plus he doesn't really drink to get drunk which is just as well considering.

OP posts:
DailyMaileatmyshit · 11/12/2017 16:14

I grew up in the countryside. It is evident you didn't! I don't have an issue with shooting. I'm not keen on fox hunting as it seems a bit pointless (you eat the pheasants, you don't eat the fox).

BertrandRussell · 11/12/2017 16:16

It is, incidentally, wrong to assume that all country people are into "country sports". Many of us are not.

It is also wrong to assume that all "townies" are not into country sports. Many of them are.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 11/12/2017 16:33

if the farmers didn't make money from allowing shoots to happen on their land, they would have to sell the land. And then it would get built on why do you not understand any of this
Why would the farmers have to sell the land if they didn't allow shoots? Surely it could be used for certain crops, grazing or forestry? And even if they did have to sell it off why would planning permission be granted on what is obviously green belt?

Pheasants have a lovely life and a swift dispatch
They only have a swift dispatch if the guns are good shots. It's likely that a few will be winged and have to be found once that round of shots have been fired, by which time the poor birds have been fluttering around injured in the undergrowth. I've witnesses this and it's not nice.

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 16:37

To the pp mentioning about the wellies - I could be wrong and this may sound judgemental, but I do think people who wear tweeds and muddy wellies in London do it to make some kind of agricultural fashion statement because to all intents and purposes there is no need. Fine if you have a dog or something and need to go into a park. But to walk 100 metres down the street in Nothing Hill or somewhere - why? Where is the muddy terrain and puddles?

The lady made a joke that she went into a shop (I have never heard of this shop but it's where they buy hunting jackets) and even they asked her where all the mud was from. She is also recruiting people (inc me) for a sponsored walk and she has worked out a training route which will go from Battersea Park to Harrods! As I say, she is actually quite funny in many ways. I just really don't like the idea of DH shooting animals for nothing.

OP posts:
jaynelovesagathachristie · 11/12/2017 16:39

People can do what they like but as a vegetarian my oh not knows full well how I would react in that situation and how I would feel. You can be polite but I wouldn't be socializing with them again and yes I would expect my oh to follow suit in that situation I wouldn't be ok knowing he was doing it and he knows that. Each to their own tho

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 16:45

Exactly LoadofoldBollocks. I took my DC to a farm in Surrey where they converted spare land into a Segway course. There are loads of profitable things you can do with land apart from breeding pheasants to be released and shot Confused

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 11/12/2017 16:47

I would certainly socialise with them again purely for entertainment. They’re sort of Pom Bears couple meets League of Gentlemen.

meredintofpandiculation · 11/12/2017 16:49

And even if they did have to sell it off why would planning permission be granted on what is obviously green belt? It's fair from obvious that it's green belt. Green belt is a specific designation for a belt of land to stop a large conurbation spreading too far, and perhaps merging into the next conurbation. It's usually a mixture of agricultural and golf courses. Most pheasant and grouse shooting isn't on green belt. (On the other hand, green belt seems currently to be a prime target for housing.)

Tentomidnight · 11/12/2017 16:52

I have absolutely no issue with pheasant/duck/grouse/rabbit shooting, but there is nothing more boring than a person who relives their shoot and brags their way through every bird or beast they bagged.

Ellisandra · 11/12/2017 16:53

Why did "pantry" need inverted commas in the OP?
I'm from a civil service admin level type background and we had a pantry.
Have I actually been an aristo charicature all this time?! Well who knew?!

RestingGrinchFace · 11/12/2017 16:59

YABVU for force your political opinions on your husband. I have never shot anytging and god willing never will do. I don't like dead animals-unless they have be butchered, seasoned and, cooked for me-, I don't like loud noises and I really don't like the idea of gun ownership for recreation. However, I also think that football is absolutely vile, it's horrible, the noise is horrible, the yobs who are present at the matches are horrible, just the idea of sitting in the cold to get pleased/disappointed about a bunch if grown men kicking around a ball is beyond ridiculous. I would never presume to ban my husband from going to football games though. Likewise if he were to ever choose to join a hunt that would be his business, not mine.

sparechange · 11/12/2017 17:17

OP, would you feel this strongly about your DH being invited to go fishing?

Am also intrigued as to how thousands of Segway tracks up and down the country will contribute to wildlife management as well...

Rebeccaslicker · 11/12/2017 17:39

Yep, lots of birds aren't killed cleanly. The thought of a bird being shot and flapping around, scared and in pain, until a dog or man comes along to kill it is pretty grim.

Funny what some people think of as "fun", isn't it?

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 17:49

sparechange - Its a fair question about fishing. DH has taken our boys fishing a few times (not so much recently). They put the fish back and I'm told there is no damage done, but maybe there is?

How do shooting parties contribute to wildlife management, if what they are shooting wouldn't otherwise be there?

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 11/12/2017 17:51

I totally agree with you about shooting animals for fun - I'm also a vegetarian and hwile my XH ate meat occasionally, he didn;t go around shooting animals - it would have been abot of a deal breaker for me if he had. saAdded to which it is hardly 'sport' - sport implies some sort of equal contest, but pheasants are quite dim and also quite tame - they aren't exactly a difficult target.

Like others I would want to know a lot more about this investment opportunity - you seem to have no idea what it is - does your husband know. It sounds dodgy as hell - they just want money out of him and are using the chance to murder a few birds as some kind of weirdo bribe. I'd steer well clear and wouldn't hand over a penny.

harshbuttrue1980 · 11/12/2017 17:58

So, you think its perfectly OK for a cow to be forced to give birth every year and have her calves taken off her when they are a couple of days old to be killed or raised as veal, and then to send the cow to the slaughterhouse when she gets too old to be pregnant so you can drink milk. But not OK to give a fast outdoor death to a bird who has been able to live wild and free all its life, to exercise, mate and forage for food??
Riiighhht, that's logical! Or is it the fact that you see shooting as something that posh people do and you are against it from a class basis? As a vegan myself, if I had to choose, I'd eat wild game over milk products anyday. You sound a bit ethically inconsistent.

Fluffywhitecloud · 11/12/2017 17:58

I would leave DP if he hurt an animal for fun, no question about it. He is free to do what he wants but I wouldn't associate with him.

Fantasticmissfoxy · 11/12/2017 18:21

She sounds a bit odd (getting guns out over lunch is a tad strange and not something I have ever seen)

Fox hunting and shooting pheasant are not the same thing. You can be 'anti' it if you want to but make sure you know all the facts. They're not shot for no reason, they are eaten. And very healthy and tasty they are too (DS's had pheasant tempura with edemame beans for dinner)

Unless you are a strict vegan then I don't think you can logically object on moral grounds.

You can ask your husband not to attend as you don't like it but ultimately it has to be his decision. I assume he is not vegetarian and as such has no objection to animals as food.

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