Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH told me he fancies someone else...

121 replies

takemeamillionmilesaway · 10/12/2017 09:48

Kind of lighthearted but I'm still a bit HmmWhen me and OH have discussed our celebrity crushes in the past he has never said anyone. Obviously I know there are people he must find attractive but he's always joked and said 'No one. I've got you- your better than any celebrity.' We've always had a bit of a laugh about it. Yesterday I asked if if he likes Rita Ora's new song and he said ' yeah. I like more than her song.' And said he fancied her. I sound so stupid but I feel a bit weird about it. He's never said anything about other woman's looks before and I feel a bit shit about it. It's probably not helped that we are having a rocky patch at the moment and it just felt like he was trying to upset me on purpose. Help me get a grip!!

OP posts:
ObsessiveWitch · 10/12/2017 10:57

Most of your respondents seem to be missing the point - it’s not about Rita whoever, it’s about a shift in your relationship. That’s what you need to address.😊

Doubletrouble42 · 10/12/2017 10:57

Haha LittleWitch my dad has ALWAYS had a thing for Tina Turner. My mums was Bruce Springsteen.

TatianaLarina · 10/12/2017 10:57

Bottom line is if he behaves as she does she does find it disrespectful which was rather his point.

dotdotdotmustdash · 10/12/2017 10:58

My Dh fancies Sigourney Weaver and Nicole Kidman, yet for some reason he's still with me after 25 years.

TatianaLarina · 10/12/2017 10:59

The ‘shift’ in the relationship is that it’s not fucking working and Rita Ora is irrelevant.

Sallystyle · 10/12/2017 10:59

it’s went from unhealthy where he had to lie over something totally ridiculous to one where he’s decided not to do that any more. Good for him. Who the hell can live like that, where you can’t mention you fancy a celeb or it will cause hurt?

He didn't have to lie. He chose to. It wasn't the OP's fault that he lied about not having crushes and you know that.

BTW me and dh don't talk about our celebrity crushes. It just isn't something we do. Our marriage is very healthy. It's just irrelevant.

OP obviously has much deeper issues in her relationship. It's clearly the change of behaviour whilst they are going through a bad time that upset her. Not Rita Bloody Ora.

No one should be hurt by knowing their partner fancies a celeb obviously, but it is the change in behaviour and OP might have been better focusing more on that in her OP.

TatianaLarina · 10/12/2017 10:59

So for a year he has known you don't want to be with him and have been telling him all about the celebrities you fancy. Then he tells you about fancying Rita Ora and he's the one in the wrong?

Jesus, just split up. Sounds like you've been messing the poor bloke around for ages and now you're worrying because he's showing signs of actually growing some balls.

So very much this.

Ilovetolurk · 10/12/2017 11:00

I’ve caught my STBXH googling “ola jordans tits” before now

HTH with some perspective

PantPlot · 10/12/2017 11:00

Never underestimate the mental gymnastics certain posters will undertake to allow them to be goady fuckers rather than offer support

I'm inclined to agree with you, but more than one poster has referenced him 'having to lie'. Just wondered where that was coming from

Doubletrouble42 · 10/12/2017 11:00

Is it possible that rather than try to hurt you, he is trying to open up and loosen up and "play the game" a little? You say he used to mind you commenting on others being attractive maybe this is his way of saying that its ok and "look I have crushes too so I know its not wrong"? Trying to build bridges.... be honest etc?

Doubletrouble42 · 10/12/2017 11:02

Ilovetolurk that just made me spit tea over the laptop

therealposieparker · 10/12/2017 11:05

I've been with my DH for twenty years and he knows to always answer no one to questions like that. I don't really understand crushes, they're for teenagers. I either fancy an in the flesh human or I don't.

I find it really weird when people have celebrity lists and the like.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/12/2017 11:08

takemeamillion, your post has distracted some posters in the same way that jangling keys does. This is about the change in his feelings towards you. I understand you.

I agree with pp, make plans to leave and start a new life.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 10/12/2017 11:09

OP, are you still there? Or did you pass out from banging your head against a wall? There are some incredibly thick people on this thread...

You haven’t been getting in for a long time and now you feel he can’t even be bothered with simple pleasantries. Time to end it.

NataliaOsipova · 10/12/2017 11:10

I don't really understand crushes, they're for teenagers. I either fancy an in the flesh human or I don't.

But that's the point of them, surely? It takes you back to your teenage years and it's a bit of fun. While fancying another "real" person is a hell of a big problem if you're married with kids, having a celebrity crush on someone you won't ever meet (and may not like if you did!) is a bit of fun escapism.

TatianaLarina · 10/12/2017 11:12

The time to end it was a year ago when OP stopped wanting to be with him...

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 10/12/2017 11:14

I hear you OP. You realised he was trying his best to stab you in the gut, so to speak. You're not married to the bloke, maybe it's time for you to walk ...

Ilovetolurk · 10/12/2017 11:15

Doubletrouble42

Perhaps that is what I should have done

GabsAlot · 10/12/2017 11:17

hs weird to say its disrespectful to fancy someone else then randomly say he likes rita or whoever

if u think hes doing it on purpos u need to think where your relationship is

therealposieparker · 10/12/2017 11:30

NAT

I really have never done it, I do find celebrities good looking or get why someone might be attracted but I've never got as far as to fancy or have a crush...

Eltonjohnssyrup · 10/12/2017 11:47

Hmm. Let's imagine a scenario shall we?

Female MN poster: Have been having a shitty time with DP for about a year. He says he's not sure he wants to be with me but never actually leaves or does anything about it. He's always telling me about celebrities he fancies and making me feel belittled. He asks me who I fancy too, but I've never answered as I know he will get mad. Finally this morning I snapped and said I thought Benedict Cumberbatch was quite hot and he's got really angry, partly for saying it and partly because I lied before. He says as we are going through a bad time because he doesn't want to be with me I shouldn't have brought it up and have hurt him. AIBU?

I suspect if that post appeared we would be hearing an awful lot about emotional abuse and LTB and very few people saying that he needed 'support'. Absolute hypocrisy. The OP is really not treating him with the basic respect required in a relationship and should have ended it and moved on. Dithering for a year about whether or not someone is good enough for you is awful behaviour and just keeping your options open while you look elsewhere. He must also have terrible self esteem if he puts up with this.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 10/12/2017 11:56

Jesus Rita Oras been ruffling some feathers this past week.
First she's accused of meddling in Mcgregors relationships and now in takemeamillionmilesaway relationship. Someone needs to reign Rita in.
Apparently she's also Becky with the good hair 🤔

misscheery · 10/12/2017 12:06

If it makes you feel any better I think Rita Ora is quite ugly...Grin lighthearted

Original poster
takemeamillionmilesaway · 10/12/2017 12:14

Will respond properly to some of the messages later. OH has just got out of bed. Within 5 minutes of being up he told me he had a dream about me sitting on the knee of a sportsman that I've mentioned I liked in the past (I said he's very good at what he does and has inspired a lot of youngsters) and felt cross with me. (He said it in a jovial way). I told him that was a weird dream to have and he said he thinks it's because of what he said about Rita Ora yesterday Hmm It feels weird and intense. I really need to get out.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 10/12/2017 12:34

I know this is showing my age but anyway, Richard Chamberlain was my pin up many years ago. One day DH got a bit annoyed about it and told me I had no chance as he was gay. I had to point out that as he was in America and I was in England and I was married with kids and even if he wasn't gay he would have his pick of glam Hollywood stars it wasn't likely anyway. I think it is nice to know partners have got a bit of life in them and currently I have a bit of a thing for Adrian Dunbar. He's straight and in the UK but I don't think it is any more likely to be honest but nothing wrong with having a dream.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.