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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH told me he fancies someone else...

121 replies

takemeamillionmilesaway · 10/12/2017 09:48

Kind of lighthearted but I'm still a bit When me and OH have discussed our celebrity crushes in the past he has never said anyone. Obviously I know there are people he must find attractive but he's always joked and said 'No one. I've got you- your better than any celebrity.' We've always had a bit of a laugh about it. Yesterday I asked if if he likes Rita Ora's new song and he said ' yeah. I like more than her song.' And said he fancied her. I sound so stupid but I feel a bit weird about it. He's never said anything about other woman's looks before and I feel a bit shit about it. It's probably not helped that we are having a rocky patch at the moment and it just felt like he was trying to upset me on purpose. Help me get a grip!!

OP posts:

theculture · 10/12/2017 10:06

Sorry that you aren't getting on well together. It does sound like he has used this game you play with each other as a chance to signal that he is pissed off/hurt/whatever

Is there a temporary stress added to the relationship or is something bigger changing? Can you think of ways to improve general communication?

theculture · 10/12/2017 10:07

X post!

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2017 10:08

I’m not sure what anyone can say, if you’re not allowed to say you find a celeb attractive in a relationship then it’s a very unhealthy relationship, controlling behaviour, jealousy and self esteem issues are clearly involved. I think I’d end it and maybe seek some help for your mental health, as this is not normal or healthy.

Rebeccaslicker · 10/12/2017 10:09

Are you happy with him, OP?

I don't ask because of the Rita ora comment of course, but because of your later comments about the state of the relationship. Does he make you happy and it's a rough patch, or are you clinging onto something that you know isn't right?

EB123 · 10/12/2017 10:09

I think you know you are being daft.

If you relationship isn't good I would look at that not focus on him dancing Rita Ora who tbf even I think is gorgeous and I am a straight woman.

ThisLittleKitty · 10/12/2017 10:09

This is sooooo ridiculous an I say this as someone who is admittedly very insecure!! I was watching love island with my (now ex) partner and he was literally eyeing up and rating every girl that was on there!! It's just tv who cares. you really need to get a grip it's not healthy. Both of you.

EB123 · 10/12/2017 10:10

Fancying not dancing!

BornInSydneyy · 10/12/2017 10:10

Oh my goodness this thread is painful.

Op does not give a shit that her dp has a celebrity crush.

The op is hurt that he never said what his celebrity crush was until they were going through a bad time. It felt like it was said to hurt her as it had never been said before.

WinnieFosterTether · 10/12/2017 10:11

Ah, it's not that he fancies someone else, it's that he's suddenly chose to announce this now whilst you're having a rough patch when he's previously said celebrity crushes are disrespectful. So, by his own reckoning, he's deliberately decided to be disrespectful to you whilst you are struggling with the relationship.
As PPs have said, the crush is irrelevant. But you know that. The problem is what it signifies for your relationship. Feel sad about it then let it go. He set up the unrealistic view of crushes. Now he's using it to make a point. But you don't need to let it impact you. He can play that little game by himself.

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 10/12/2017 10:13

There are a millions problems in this world. Your dh’s crush on Rita ora is not one of them.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2017 10:14

The op is hurt that he never said what his celebrity crush was until they were going through a bad time. It felt like it was said to hurt her as it had never been said before

I think you’ve missed the wider point, which is to not be able to mention a celeb crush is unhealthy and if you do mention one, it should not cause “hurt”.

ElvisIsAliveAndLivingInHull · 10/12/2017 10:14

If you have 'many celebrity crushes' then it's rather disingenuous of you to be pissed off about your hubby fancing Rita Fecking Ora.

Jeez what a daft thread!

TatianaLarina · 10/12/2017 10:15

So the OP has always been open about finding celebs and other men attractive despite her partner saying he finds it disrespectful. He normally says he only finds her attractive but his finally admitting to finding a celeb attractive is not ok and done to hurt her?

Perhaps if OP had never shared her crushes he probably would never have said anything.

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/12/2017 10:16

You’re not being daft.

If throughout your relationship he has taken this stance of not fancying anyone else - given you this ‘gift’ which you both know isn’t real but is a gesture of love to you - and suddenly that changes, during a rough patch...then yes it means something, he is deliberately changing the language of your relationship and of course it is going to impact on you.

What issues are you having? Do you have DC?

ElvisIsAliveAndLivingInHull · 10/12/2017 10:16

The op is hurt that he never said what his celebrity crush was until they were going through a bad time. It felt like it was said to hurt her as it had never been said before.

Oh FFS give over!

'I am so angry with you right now hubby, you have not been showing me enough love!'

'Well I am pissed off in the marriage right now too, and by the way, I fancy Rita Ora!'

FFS, I can't be the only one who thinks this is daft!

Flumplet · 10/12/2017 10:18

Oh wow, I thought it was going to be someone IRL - seriously, Rita ora is no threat to your relationship. I don’t think you have any reason to worry. I have a horrendous thing for Tom Hardy but I’m safe to say my marriage is safe enough!

PantPlot · 10/12/2017 10:18

People are being so harsh, the OP has said several times now why she feels odd about it.

BadTasteFlump · 10/12/2017 10:19

So the Rita Ora thing isn't the issue - it's just the latest thing he's done that's made you realise your relationship is not right. If it's been that way for over a year and you have no DC (?) then maybe it's time to take a deep breath and end it.

ElvisIsAliveAndLivingInHull · 10/12/2017 10:20

I know @pantpot, but we are still entitled to say we think it's daft.

And it is.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2017 10:20

If throughout your relationship he has taken this stance of not fancying anyone else - given you this ‘gift’ which you both know isn’t real but is a gesture of love to you

Cmon, Seriously? Do you read a lot of these cheesy love self help books. His “gift” and a “gesture of love” ?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/12/2017 10:21

It’s incredible how many people can miss the point entirely.

Of course what he said would hurt, that was his intention. You don’t go from ‘No one, I’ve got you!’ to a lewd ‘That’s not all I like’ without a major shift in how you feel. A shift in caring about your feelings. This is NOTHING to do with him finding a ‘celebrity’ attractive. Nothing at all.

You’ve known for a year now that this is over. Why waste 2018 feeling like shit? Separate this year & see the New Year in with enthusiasm & excitement for a happy year.

deckoff · 10/12/2017 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PantPlot · 10/12/2017 10:22

I think you can say something is 'daft' without being a real dick about it

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2017 10:23

It’s incredible how many people can miss the point entirely

Oh the irony. We all get the point, you don’t. The point is fancying Rita Ora should never hurt in the first place. He should never have not been able to mention celeb crushes. Mentioning one should not hurt her.

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/12/2017 10:24

Bluntness lol, no. But it sounds like he would take that stance to be nice to her, and she received it like that. See what I mean? They both knew it wasn’t true but it was a nice thing he always did. And now suddenly he’s stopped.

Hope that makes it clearer.

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