OH told me he fancies someone else...

[takemeamillionmilesaway]

Kind of lighthearted but I'm still a bit When me and OH have discussed our celebrity crushes in the past he has never said anyone. Obviously I know there are people he must find attractive but he's always joked and said 'No one. I've got you- your better than any celebrity.' We've always had a bit of a laugh about it. Yesterday I asked if if he likes Rita Ora's new song and he said ' yeah. I like more than her song.' And said he fancied her. I sound so stupid but I feel a bit weird about it. He's never said anything about other woman's looks before and I feel a bit shit about it. It's probably not helped that we are having a rocky patch at the moment and it just felt like he was trying to upset me on purpose. Help me get a grip!!

Oh the irony. We all get the point, you don’t. The point is fancying Rita Ora should never hurt in the first place. He should never have not been able to mention celeb crushes. Mentioning one should not hurt her.

This. Particularly as she’s always been open about hers. She really can’t complain.

But it sounds like he would take that stance to be nice to her

It’s not being nice to have to hide if you find a celeb attractive. It’s not a gift, it’s just weird and secretive.

It was never unclear in the first place Atrocious just slightly ridiculous.

To make it a bit clearer we have many issues in our relationship. I don't think I want to be with him anymore and it's been this way for over a year.

Well, if you don't think you want to be with him any more who cares whether he fancies Rita Ora?

Let Rita Ora have him. Maybe they'll be beautiful together.

LEM I'll fight you to the death for Colin Filth. DH has agreed to a quick divorce in the unlikely event he comes calling, ditto Marti Pellow.

DH on the other hand has first dibs on Oti from Strictly or Natalie Imbruglia

But I don’t think it’s anythjng to do with the issue, with Rita Ora or any of the specifics; it sounds like an act of changing dynamics within their relationship at a difficult time, which he knew would register.

I think you should be glad. It’s a good sign. He’s being honest with you. Previously he lied. Nobody do any find anyone attractive other than their spouse. It’s absurd and a whopper. Anyone actually believing it is daft. The fact that he’s being honest now is great.

Bluntness it’s not me not getting the problem the OP has with this, it’s you & the others banging in about celebrity crushes being fine. The OP has said numerous times that she knows he must have fancied others, including celebrities, and had no problem with that. It’s the fact that he’s said this when things are bad between, with the total intent of hurting her. It’s NOT the fact he fancies Rita Ora, it’s the fact he’s said this ENTIRELY to show her that he no longer feels the way he did before.

Totally agree the changing dynamics, it’s went from unhealthy where he had to lie over something totally ridiculous to one where he’s decided not to do that any more. Good for him. Who the hell can live like that, where you can’t mention you fancy a celeb or it will cause hurt? I couldn’t.

Dave Norman did a bit once about should the person you fancy should resemble your partner, in general terms, but better.

Both mine and dp's ultimate crushes look nothing like the other. Dp's is Milla Jovovich and mine is Jamie T.

Atrocious. Fancy a coffee? I’m going to make one before I post something about comprehension, or complete lack of, on MN these days.

it's just weird and secretive
Exactly so OP's DH was being weird and secretive. It wasn't the OP who set up that unrealistic standard. It was him.

with the total intent of hurting her

Omg. How can you not see it. Let me spell it out. Having a passing celeb fancy is not something that should ever, ever hurt anyone. Your partner should not be forced to lie about it because if he told you it would hurt you. That’s bonkers.

Please PLEASE knock this problem on the head ASAP
It will ruin everything. I know this for definite. I have extreme jealousy issues it’s horrendous and my poor dh goes through absolute hell. I have no doubt one day it will ruin things, he’s managed 18 years so far putting up with it and at some point it will be too much.
The poor man can’t watch anything with attractive women on tv, have female friends it’s awful. I hate myself but can’t help it and he’s on edge all the time,
Please please just do why I can’t and take it for what it is-nothing and no threat to your relationship 😔

Agree with BorninSydneyy and think many posters are missing the point.

I don't think it's particularly healthy to point out celebrity crushes at all. Why would you? Why do you need to do that? It's all a bit juvenile. We all have them but there's something a bit 'off' about telling your partner about them... why do they need to know at all?

I don't see the difference either between crushing on celebrities or the school mum... geography doesn't make somebody attainable, does it? I don't understand why there is a distinction at all? You/your partner will either cheat - or you/they won't.

I'm generalising I know but I also think that women generally like to think that whilst they are tuned into their sexual feelings, they don't much like it when their partners are. I'm not talking about the OP here, there are other things going on in her marriage.

Bluntness he wasn't forced to lie about it. He chose to lie about it. OP never had a problem with it. Why are you deliberately misunderstanding this?

why do they need to know at all

Because it’s totally and utterly irrelevant and better than having to lie?

Why is the assumption that OP's partner felt he had to lie?

I'm not reading that at all?

Well, a police officer on a bike winked at me when he was alongside a few weeks back. I neglected to tell my husband. I can live with that knowing that it wasn't a lie, just irrelevant minutiae.

Why is the assumption that OP's partner felt he had to lie?
Because making unfounded assumptions is the only way to make this a woman's fault rather than admit a man has been an arse.
Never underestimate the mental gymnastics certain posters will undertake to allow them to be goady fuckers rather than offer support

Changing the dynamic of the relationship? Good Lord he admitted to fancying a celeb not talking a mistress or a job overseas.

Oh the irony. We all get the point, you don’t. The point is fancying Rita Ora should never hurt in the first place. He should never have not been able to mention celeb crushes. Mentioning one should not hurt her.

I’m embarrassed that you can’t understand something so simple.

Posters are conveniently ignoring the fact that OP has always been open about her crushes despite DP finding it disrespectful.

He always thinks I've been disrespectful in the past if I've commented on someone being handsome or attractive (I realise it's not disrespectful and is perfectly normal)

I’d imagine as the relationship isn’t going well he’s probably wondered why he bothers pretending he doesn’t fancy other people to save his gf’s feelings when she never does it for him.

I find fancying celebs utterly risible. But if you do so openly you really cannot complain if your partner does the same.

So for a year he has known you don't want to be with him and have been telling him all about the celebrities you fancy. Then he tells you about fancying Rita Ora and he's the one in the wrong?

Jesus, just split up. Sounds like you've been messing the poor bloke around for ages and now you're worrying because he's showing signs of actually growing some balls.