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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have another baby/babies now

107 replies

MumoftheBoyandtheGirl · 09/12/2017 23:00

To cut a long story short; my daughter is 19 and my son is 15. I’m 37 and am thinking about having another couple of babies. I know this might sound flippant but I obviously mean if nature is willing. I have been married almost 15 years and part of us is thinking that in 3 years we are more free to follow our dreams.

However another feeling we have is now that we are better off we could have more children to enrich our lives as we had our other children so young. I’m worried about being an older mother and the fact I could need to have more medical involvement as my first two were delivered with minimal assistance. Is this just my hormones or shall I (we) follow our heart.

I guess we’re on the brink of grandchildren, is that enough? I’m confused? xx

OP posts:

Snoopyokay · 09/12/2017 23:09

I wouldn't if I were in your position. But then another person might say go for it!

Do you think it is because your approaching the end of your fertile years it is making you think like that or do you genuinely want more children?

Best of luck with your decision!

aussielinda4655 · 09/12/2017 23:10

Can you not enrich your lives in other ways. Like travel and enjoying each others company.? I would choose freedom, which is almost within your reach.

Littlelambpeep · 09/12/2017 23:11

I wouldn't ... Enjoy travelling etc

chiaseeddisapointmentagain · 09/12/2017 23:13

I'd think of the kids you already have. What if you get ill or die? The 'new' child will fall to the older siblings.
What if the child has learning difficulties? Or disabilities?

Xmasbaby11 · 09/12/2017 23:14

I wouldn't. But I had mine at 35 and 37 so it wouldn't be something i could consider.

I really enjoyed my freedom and independence before having dc. I think when they grow up I'll be ready to have it back again.

Snoopyokay · 09/12/2017 23:15

I think the whole beauty of having kids when your young is getting your life back but if you have another you will undo all of that. I wish I had have started when I was younger for that reason!

PsychoPumpkin · 09/12/2017 23:15

Don’t do it! You’ll be back to pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, nappies, sleepless nights, baby proofing, school runs, the cost of text books, expensive school trips... everything you’re almost free of forever...

AND your eldest is 19, in 5 years time she may well give you a grandchild and you get to experience all the above again but in smaller doses, you can love a child without all the responsibility it brings.

InDubiousBattle · 09/12/2017 23:17

'Another couple of babies' does sound a bit flippant! Do you want more children? Can you afford it? How are your careers going to cope with more children?

Is there a reason to think you're on the brink of being a grand parent? 19 is still very young to have a baby imho.

JaneWonder · 09/12/2017 23:19

Do it. I would if my health were good enough.

I love the idea of travel and freedom but more than that I love the idea of skin to skin with a newborn followed by a toddler who thinks I’m their world then a child whose personality amazes me.

Mossend · 09/12/2017 23:20

If it was me I wouldn't.

I can totally understand your thinking but I would be looking forward to being able to do as you please in a few years.

I had both of mine in my 30's and with the benefit of hindsight it would have been easier having them younger, but I really wasn't in a position to.

Dizzyhelterskelter · 09/12/2017 23:21

No way would I in your position. Take your freedom and run......

CocoLoco87 · 09/12/2017 23:21

If you want to enrich your lives with children, have you thought about adopting / fostering? You could make a huge difference to a child's life and wouldn't impact your current children too much as they are older now.

ladystarkers · 09/12/2017 23:22

Sorry think your mad.

MayFayner · 09/12/2017 23:22

I have 3 DC: 16, 3 and nearly 2. I got pg with the DC2 at 37, had him at 38 and then had DC3 at 39.

It's been hard in ways but it's what I wanted. There's plenty of women older than I am having their first baby.

RandomMess · 09/12/2017 23:23

I think it's your hormones and nostalgia talking!!!

You never truly remember the hard work of pre-schoolers - can you borrow a couple for a long weekend and remind yourselves?

missiondecision · 09/12/2017 23:25

Age gap didn’t work out well for us. Still doesn’t.
Older kids want peace, babies and cry and fuss.
Only you know deep down.
Sometimes considering what you don’t want can help you decide.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 09/12/2017 23:26

Your user name prompts me to ask if you have an identity other than being someone's mum. Are you worried about what will happen a few years down the line when your existing DC have flown the nest? When it's just you and your husband.

RandomMess · 09/12/2017 23:26

I'm mid forties with 3 x 12-15 year olds - I'm shatttered! Would happily have little ones again but the thought of doing what I do now in my late 50s or 60s - no way!

I noticed the difference in having my eldest in my early 20s and this lot early 30s...

Hoping for grandchildren to fill gap

missiondecision · 09/12/2017 23:26

Agree with random. You forget the relentless exhaustion. Being younger makes a difference.
I had 1 dc in my 20’s and the 1 in my late 30’s felt like triplets.

LemonShark · 09/12/2017 23:28

Why would you be on the brink of being a grandparent with kids so very young for having babies of their own? They may not even want kids!

If you both want a child and can afford it then go for it, nobody can make that decision but you. Just curious with your brink of grandkids comment, is it just being around a baby you want or do you want your own? As even if you had grandkids next year they wouldn't be your kids and if you desperately want your own it'll be difficult but crucial to make sure the boundaries are in place so you know they're not your kids.

WaitingTillJuly17 · 09/12/2017 23:29

37 isn’t too old if that’s what you really want, some people are just starting a family at that age.

My mum had my brother when she was 37/38, I was 16, my sister 14 and my brother 11. She had no complications during pregnancy and we are all perfectly happy with things the way they are and have doted on my youngest brother.

It’s all about what you and DH want from your life now, be that travel and nights out or more family life. We are very family oriented so it was an easy decision for my parents but just make sure you’re in agreement before acting!

MayFayner · 09/12/2017 23:30

I've actually found it much easier as an older parent.

I have much more patience and money

Ohyesiam · 09/12/2017 23:39

I had my first at 38, my second at 40, both natural births.
Go for it op

ShoesHaveSouls · 09/12/2017 23:39

My mum had me & my sibling in her early 20's - and then 3 more siblings for us in her 30's/40's.

It was (I think) incredibly stressful for her - the babies at the same time as the near-teens - but she loves having children.

We siblings are all adults now and fantastically close - really really enjoy spending time together. We all (incl mum) love being part of a big family - so I say go for it. But it will be hard work

Original poster

MumoftheBoyandtheGirl · 09/12/2017 23:42

Just to clarify my grandparent comment was down to me having her at 17 and her boyfriend being one of 11 so I was a very young mum. Part of me wants to do things properly and part of me thinks I m mad. But then what about the next 50 years? I don’t know I don’t want any more regrets xx

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