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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another Husband Work Issue

102 replies

Pancetta76 · 09/12/2017 19:46

There's no real AIBU but if your husband worked alone ten hour shifts with another woman, how much would you expect him to talk about her? And what kind of boundaries would you expect?

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 20:07

What’s on your mind?yes i talk about male colleagues I work with,in a x did, said
Majority my colleagues are male,not a big deal,just how it is.we work closely
Working with a woman in itself isn’t a problem. Is he a copper or paramedic?
If it seems more,what’s your hunch?

DorisDangleberry · 09/12/2017 20:10

And what kind of boundaries would you expect?

I'd expect him not to fuck her. A conversation would be ok though

Original poster

Pancetta76 · 09/12/2017 20:12

It doesn't seem more as such. It's just things like him mentioning her in bed last night as we went to sleep. Nothing odd, just something that she may be upset about and he was concerned... That kind of thing. He's always said he works better alone so it seemed a bit unusual how ok he is with his new partner.

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 20:15

Talking about a colleague who happens to be female,in itself isn’t a problem
It’s not the talkin as such it’s the content.And lol to Doris quip,that about covers it

DeathByMascara · 09/12/2017 20:17

I talk about my office mate all the time. Currently it’s Carol (not real name), previously it was Brian (as above) - spoke about him more as he was rude and offensive.

If you spend all day in close proximity to someone, it’s hard to avoid talking about them!

Council · 09/12/2017 20:18

I can understand it causing some concern especially if, even subconsciously, you have other concerns about your relationship, but wouldn't it be odd if he was working 10 hours shifts with one other person and they didn't get to know each other pretty well?

I have a colleague I share an office with, we never meet outside of work, but I know some pretty intimate details of her life and occasionally I might mention some of it to DH. If I've been there for 10 hours of my day, I haven't got much else to talk about

Original poster

Pancetta76 · 09/12/2017 20:19

I think I just feel odd that my husband is spending 11 hours a day with another woman he gets on really well with and talking about her as he falls asleep

OP posts:

bayseyan · 09/12/2017 20:23

It's his job. She is his only colleague.

If it was a man you wouldn't even be thinking about this. Get over it and consider why you feel jealous, because your husband is not doing anything wrong and not every woman is a threat. Especially one that he works with through no choice of his own.

PippleBang · 09/12/2017 20:23

I spend more time awake with my two male colleagues than I do with my husband. I talk about them a bit because they are important people to me. I also talk about my DH when I'm at work. You either trust him or you don't OP but from what you've said I can't see any red flags. I mentioned in bed to my DH earlier this week that I must remember to text one of my male colleagues in the morning because his mum had died earlier that day. I don't think my DH would be reading anything into that!

Moussemoose · 09/12/2017 20:27

I work with men. I have not intention of having sex with them.

This is your problem not your husbands.

Original poster

Pancetta76 · 09/12/2017 20:27

It's not so much that I'm jealous of anything untoward, purely of the time they get together. I've not met her properly, only waving at me from a distance when I was collecting my husband.

My husband has worked alone for the last year and was very very anti partner /colleague so it's just really strange how he's done a 180. One of his other colleagues said they've never seen him so talkative/lively

OP posts:

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 20:37

Ok,so you see to be inferring it’s questionable?hes more talkative?is that necessarily a worry
Do you think there’s some inappropriate going on?
if he was talkative working with a male wouldn’t ,d that be issue,or is it that she’s female

BeALert · 09/12/2017 20:38

My husband regularly goes away on business trips with female colleagues so not only are they working together for long days but they're going out for dinner and eating out together. We refer to one of them as his work wife.

Our relationship is fine and I don't worry about it at all.

outsidelookingin · 09/12/2017 20:41

He probably fancies her a bit. Is she attractive?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 20:43

Woah, I know work wife is a trendy we are so connected term,but it’s so inappropriate
Workwife the female who serves has needs in a faux wifey man cause we all so connected
Have a word wit yourself using and accepting such a misogynistic term

No one has a workhusband

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 20:47

Out of Interest outside what of the colleague is heifer with a beard.does that make difference?
Is it only attractive female who is a threat? uglies they are ok,right?

BeALert · 09/12/2017 20:47

No one has a workhusband

DH's 'work wife' refers to him as her 'work husband'.

Have a word with yourself about your assumptions?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 20:50

Aye sure thing
Do you really think it’s an appropriate term?

Council · 09/12/2017 20:53

The only time I've ever heard the term workwife IRL is two women who use it about each other. I always thought it meant they support each other emotionally and practically at work.

Ecclesiastes · 09/12/2017 20:57

I've got a work husband. He's fab. And happily married to a very nice woman.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 20:59

I have colleagues I work with in demanding situations I’ll never describe them as workwife or workhusband

Original poster

Pancetta76 · 09/12/2017 20:59

Yes she's in her 20s and very attractive but it's more how they seem to click personality wise. I'm glad he's made a friend but they've only been working together 6 weeks and seem really comfortable already. He told me he's happy he can be himself around her and not have to put on work face and she reminds him of me a bit.

OP posts:

Brandnewstart · 09/12/2017 20:59

Mine worked alone with a woman. Lots of time on their own. They had an affair and are now living together... I'd like to think it's not the norm though!!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 09/12/2017 21:03

I get some folk I work with,but there no spark.and they’re in relationship with Kids
You seem to there’s something amiss?whats on your mind, anything you can pin down

FreshHerbs · 09/12/2017 21:08

Your partner is out grafting 10 hours a day to support his household and yet your their with resentment because he talks to a female. You need to work on your insecurities. Us women are not all predators you no.....

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