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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

369 replies

MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 19:25

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself Grin

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

OP posts:
roomsonfire · 08/12/2017 21:27

Flat/inverted nipples and very large breasts so physically couldn't do it and any surgery to correct it prior to pregnancy ( I looked into this!) would've made it a 50/50 chance of being able to breastfeed with reduced sensitivity. Tired every other method to correct them including piercings since and nothing has worked so I'm not too bothered. I produced a lot of milk so pumped instead.

NickMyLipple · 08/12/2017 21:27

I have a genetic heart condition and take a beta blocker which is not suitable for breast feeding. There is no other beta blocker that works specifically for my condition without exacerbating my asthma or my low blood pressure which is safe in pregnancy, so I must bottle feed my baby.

kikibo · 08/12/2017 21:29

Never tried. Didn't want to in the first place. I had thought about this for about 10 years, but the more information I had, the more I was convinced it wasn't for me.

  1. I couldn't face being really the only one who could feed. Yes, you can express, but it's no good for your supply in the beginning. Looking after a newborn already felt relentless without the bfing. I started work again after 2 weeks because I felt bored and worthless.
  2. I couldn't face feeding while in pain.
  3. I couldn't face the leaking.
  4. I couldn't face feeding in public/with people I'm not close to. That includes my parents.
  5. I couldn't face my baby making drinking noises on me. Yuck.
  6. I couldn't face the planning if I did express and put in the time (never mind milking myself). And the worry of there being enough.
  7. I couldn't face the cluster feeding once in a while. I have other things to do.
  8. I couldn't face the sucking on my nipple. This may sound ridiculous but husband tried that at the start of our relationship and has had to let that bit go because I HATE tbe feeling.

I did agree with my midwife to do the colostrum for the first two or three days and then stop. But that went wrong as I was moved to hospital from the birthing centre where I was. Had she been there, we'd probably have done what we had agreed, even after a 25- hour labour, but she wasn't so I didn't. Wouldn't have received enough support there anyway, IMO.

Basically I was delighted to become a mum and am still very happy, but I think I'm a better and less stressed mum if I can hand our daughter to my husband once in a while because I'm busy and if I don't feel forced to do something I don't really want to do.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 08/12/2017 21:33

I had gestational diabetes and DS needed formula the evening after he was born as his blood glucose levels were low.

I tried to breast feed but struggled to get DS to latch on - we were in hospital four nights and I would wait for staff to come to help. They would eventually get him latched on and he would feed for a few seconds and then lose the latch but the staff had left the room by then. I'd struggle again to get him latched on and he would be screaming with frustration and hunger. We ended up cup feeding expressed milk (as well as trying to BF) in hospital as I was trying to avoid using bottles to avoid nipple confusion.

I continued trying to breastfeed when we got home but still had the same problems - struggle to get him to latch on and he'd be bright red and screaming his head off, hungry and frustrated, so I'd end up bottle feeding him expressed milk and then try to breastfeed again next time. And repeat.

Even though I had plenty of milk in the outset, my supply milk with expressing gradually reduced so I would supplement with formula. I think he had his last lot of expressed milk by about week 7.

I think I would have been successful BFing if I'd had the right support - midwives in hospital with enough time to help properly at each feed and feeding advice and support at home. I now wonder if nipple shields would have helped as I don't have very defined nipples so wonder if this is why DS struggled to latch.

If I had my time over with DS (he's an only child), I would get a lactation specialist as soon as possible.

I still feel guilty that I couldn't get BF to work but then I have to remind myself that DS had the colostrum and breast milk for 6 weeks or so, so he had some benefits from it and he is happy and healthy and perfect.

kitkatsky · 08/12/2017 21:35

I think midwives and health pros need to be realistic on what they tell you, then support you. I was told that If u so it didn’t then it dsnt hurt but it does at first! In end my supply did not meet demand but having realistic ideas would’ve helped me

Figgypuddingandcustard · 08/12/2017 21:37

I agree with Lass expressing is just another ring of hell, too time consuming, still have the faff of sterilising and leaves me with sore bruised boobs.
I also got an infection and the GP would not prescribe antibiotics for it as the advantage of curing the infection was not going to out weigh the disadvantage of giving my baby a dose of antibiotics via breast milk so I was in pain for weeks and the infection has still not gone (rant over).

lazyleo · 08/12/2017 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreyMorning · 08/12/2017 21:40

I managed a week and then the pain got too much, I couldn't bear another hour, let alone a few days or weeks for it to come right. It hurt so much I couldn't talk, I couldn't cuddle my children properly.
Problems were:
-Over supply and fast let down, she was lucky not to drown
-Flat nipples, there is no way on earth these little things will reach the soft palate, we knew this from no.1 and I refuse to use nipple shields again as combined with the previous issues this just leads to milk, Everywhere.
-Probable mastitis, raging temperature, extreme fatigue and the freezing cold shakes made it very hard to look after 2 children.
-I was in enough bloody pain after giving birth I mentally could not take anymore
-I hated being tied to one child 24/7, i wanted to be able to take the eldest one off but couldn't incase the youngest got hungry
-I believe the health benefits are exaggerated as you simply cannot do an unbiased study
-I am exceedingly lucky to live in circumstances where I can safely and hygienically make and feed my baby powder formula without risking their health, I'm also lucky that I can afford to buy formula.

HouseworkIsAPain · 08/12/2017 21:40

Lass I felt bitter for ages too. I really wanted to bf, didn’t even buy bottles as I was so set on BFing and thought it was like the pictures the nhs has up - baby snuggled up and mum smiling indulgently.

When actually I was grimacing and got no useful help from the midwives and health staff.

The bitterness has passed anow - it lasted a good few years though!

MyLittlePeach · 08/12/2017 21:43

I didn't breastfeed either of my children because I was young and read constantly negative articles in the media where people are approached and shamed or caused a scene and I couldn't face feeling trapped.

I have very large breasts I didn't think I would be able to manage discreetly.

I don't have a good diet and I didn't think I could offer my child anything better than what milk companies have producer with the correct balances of nutrients.

I wanted my child to share a 50/50 bond with their father.

RaindropsAndSparkles · 08/12/2017 21:46

I have given my story but do you know what ok? Women, as sentient beings, can make a choice. It is a completely legal choice and under no circumstances should any woman be expected to justify it.

Zeelove · 08/12/2017 21:47

Baby was prem, planned c section , and milk took a while to come in. (Two weeks!) by which time baby had been given a dummy to help with his sucking reflex and I was told he would likely refuse breast.

Next time, I just don't want to.

thebeerfear · 08/12/2017 21:48

After birth I was shoved in a room on my own with DS, not one nurse cane to check on me/see if I needed help or anything for almost 9hrs.

During this time he didn't cry, fratch, root for a feed or anything really. Got a bit restless odd times, I tried feeding him, he "latched on" and promptly fell asleep Confused

Eventually I asked a nurse for help and she was impatient with me, she clearly couldn't be arsed. I asked if she thought I should try him on formula and she plonked a bottle on the side table and disappeared, I had to work out the presealed presterilised teats and screw on top things for myself.

Gave him it and he drained it in minutes.

I thought "meh, he likely prefers that to my boobies!" and that was that.

PenelopePickle · 08/12/2017 21:48

Dc1, I was told throughout my whole pregnancy that breastfeeding shouldn’t be difficult and was the most natural thing in the world etc etc by midwives, so I was completely unprepared when baby wouldn’t latch. After 2 days of stress and a very restless baby I gave her a bottle, my community midwife said she’d get confused if I tried breastfeeding again (after 1 bottle Hmm) so that was that.

Dc2 was breastfed successfully for nearly a year.

DC3, I made the decision to feed colostrum for 48 hours and then bottle feed because I didn’t think I could cope with 3 children under 3 without somebody else to help with feeds. I regretted that decision by 4 weeks.

PumpkinPie2016 · 08/12/2017 21:49

I didn't even try because the thought of it just makes me feel sick.

I'm glad I didn't because I ended up with a c-section under a general anaesthetic so took a while to recover which meant I was grateful someone could share the load with me.

Plus, my DS was a big baby at 9lb 6oz and took a lot of feeding so think it would have been exhausting bf

I have no regrets - he's 4 now, happy, perfectly healthy and doing brilliantly at pre-school so not bf hasn't affected him.so far.

speakout · 08/12/2017 21:51

I didn't even try because the thought of it just makes me feel sick.

That must be awful. What happened to make you feel like that?

leannejade · 08/12/2017 21:53

I'm very weird about being touched and showing skin, so I decided - being my first baby - I wouldn't give myself the added stress and anxiety of dealing with being a new mum. I'm glad I did choose to formula feed as I was in agony for two weeks post birth and was very reliant on my fiancé to take care of the baby.
If I choose to have another baby I would like to try BF as I definitely felt an instinct when I was holding my baby to BF.

cansu · 08/12/2017 21:53
  1. it was painful. No one seemed able to show me a position that wasn't.
  2. Poor support from crap partner.
  3. Midwife who told me that it was too late to try when it actually wasn't. She could have helped me but chose not to.

I think in many ways the open discussion of methods of feeding has been stifled. You are either for or against breastfeeding which is a shame. I would have liked to have more opportunity to try without it seeming like a success or fail type scenario.

Moanyoldcow · 08/12/2017 21:54

PPH, blood pressure meds and PCOS meant I just couldn't get a decent supply up. I tried for about a month with expressing and mixed feeding but I just couldn't get a supply to anything like his requirements.

I literally never got leaky or full breasts.

rudolphtherat · 08/12/2017 21:54

Couldn't. 31 week twins. Took domperidone which did nothing. Expressed for the 6 weeks they were in SCBU - about 10mls at a time. Full ff as soon as they came home on nutriprem.

TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain · 08/12/2017 21:57

Dd1 was preemie and after my emcs I was able to express colostrum and tiny amounts of milk but despite trying everything my supply didn’t increase. I then ended up collapsing in SCBU with complications from the section and on serious painkillers so the little I did express was pump and dump. Between my health worrying about dd and the supply didn’t increase and although when she came home I attempted to combi feed with my milk and nutriprem to top her up my milk stopped completely at 4 months.
With dd2 I had (still have) some chronic conditions and the worst of these is migraines which I’d had to stop preventatives and strong abortives during pregnancy and I bf her for colostrum but for my health and being able to look after both dds I needed to go back on them.

FriendshipBraclet · 08/12/2017 21:58

Couldnt, managed for first day. Then D's couldn't get enough out and then . Midwives then kept pushing formula on me, worried I wasn't feeding him enough I decided to give in and formula feed him.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 08/12/2017 22:00

I produced very little milk I bf for a few days then topped up and continued like this for around 12 weeks ds was a very greedy baby (and also two weeks late)

Of course not every woman can breast feed or produce enough milk like not all women can give birth naturally or fall pregnant naturally our bodies do not always do what they are designed too

goodbyeeee · 08/12/2017 22:01

Vety difficult birth He wouldn't latch. At all. 2 months of expressing made me ill. The end.

peachypips · 08/12/2017 22:04

Psych meds for bipolar.

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