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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the term School 'REFUSAL' should be banned?

214 replies

taratill · 08/12/2017 16:40

I think it is a terrible term to use for a child who is unable to attend school and is an excuse for schools, LEA's the government to blame mental health problems / anxiety problems in school on the child.

I have first hand experience of this and had a child who was classed a school 'refuser' as a result of the fact that he had massive anxiety/ undiagnosed ASD and was unable to attend for a period of 6 months last year. Rather than give him support, in the first instance, when he started to get anxious and not want to go he was branded as naughty and defiant and quite ridiculously threatened with exclusion because he was scared to go into the class room. His anxiety wasn't addressed and he started to threaten to self harm and was eventually deemed until to go to school by mental health workers.

Happily now we have got to the root of the anxieties and have a good new school he has gone back but needs a number of interventions in the classroom/ school environment to cope. If he had had these and school had listened in the first place he may never have had to have time off, sigh!

I've read on a post today some quite judgemental comments about 'school refusal' and think the term itself is so damaging as the implication is that it is the child or the parents fault.

Just really winds me up, that's all.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/12/2017 16:42

What's your preferred term op? Must be do difficult.

dataandspot · 08/12/2017 16:43

You have done so well to get your child back in school.

I have had the same experience and have not got my child back into school.

Sirzy · 08/12/2017 16:43

Although I get where you are coming from what better term can you think of because I can’t think of one?

They are refusing to go to school. There may be very good reason for that but it doesn’t change the fact it is a refusal

Original poster
taratill · 08/12/2017 16:43

School anxiety ?

It is difficult, you are judged as a parent by everyone and I think the term enables that.

OP posts:
Original poster
taratill · 08/12/2017 16:44

thank you data .

I think school refusal is inappropriate too though. My child always wanted to be at school but he didn't have the understanding and support to enable him to be there.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 08/12/2017 16:45

School refusal is just that a student who refuses to go to school.
It doesn't give any judgement or explanation of why. It is a statement of fact.

Over my career I've worked with a number of school refusers. There were a whole range of reasons.

To be honest, i think you are reading way too much into it based on seeing some negative comments on something which has affected you.

JoJoSM2 · 08/12/2017 16:45

I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time.

However, refusing to go into the school or the classroom is still refusing.

Trb17 · 08/12/2017 16:46

What term do you think should be used OP?

Only asking as I know a child who literally refuses to go to school for no other reason than she knows nobody will make her go.

Is there a term that would fit both ends of the range of reasons?

kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 16:47

Yanbu op if someone couldn't go to work due to mental health issues no one would say they were 'refusing' to go.
The word refusing does make it sound like it's a spoiled child stamping their feet and saying they don't want to go & the parents giving in.
In most circumstances it's likely to be mental health issues, undiagnosed or unsupported Sen / bullying issues / young carer / parental neglect etc.

Wilburissomepig · 08/12/2017 16:48

There could be many reasons that a child refuses to go to school, anxiety is just one of them.

I know a child who refuses to go because he can't see the point.

My own nephew is a school refuser for very different reasons (similar to your own situation).

The term is simply a fact, not a judgement.

Original poster
taratill · 08/12/2017 16:48

Maisy I really don't think that I am reading too much into it. It is a term with a negative connotation precisely because it can cover a range of reasons.

Some children, who truant for the fun of it, are really school refusing. Labelling all refusals the same is not helpful.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 16:49

@Trb17 there's likely to be an underlying reason that child doesn't want to go to school. Healthy, happy children want to do the same things as their peers and are generally quite obedient to their parents.

Babybauble · 08/12/2017 16:49

Yanbu. School refusers in my eyes are kids that simply won't go because they CBA and don't want to.

Mental health reasons should be given the same support as those with physical issues

Original poster
taratill · 08/12/2017 16:49

kaytee thank you, you understand what I mean.

OP posts:
Trb17 · 08/12/2017 16:50

@kaytee87 the underlying reason is she’s been taught that the rules don’t apply to her and that if she wants a day at home with snacks and tv she can have it. Seriously.

corythatwas · 08/12/2017 16:51

I can kind of see where the OP is coming from. If I have a breakdown from stress at work and get signed off, it's not going to go down on the books as "work refusal". If a child has a similar breakdown, there is no similar procedure for signing them off school, and overworked GPs often refuse to write them "sick notes".

If I was sobbing on the floor and cutting myself in fear of going into work, this would be treated as a medical problem. With a child, it is far more likely to be seen as a parenting problem.

number1wang · 08/12/2017 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

number1wang · 08/12/2017 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 16:52

@Trb17 so that's a form of parental neglect and she isn't a happy child as she hasn't been taught boundaries.

Original poster
taratill · 08/12/2017 16:57

cory I had a nightmare getting my child signed off sick because GP wouldn't do it and CAMHs waiting lists are too long. I actually had the EWO knock on the door to threaten fining me when school 'knew' the absence was anxiety based. I didn't let them in because the previous week DS had tried to kill himself.

In the end he was signed off. Parents are in an impossible situation when it comes to this kind of issue.

Most parents want nothing more than their child to be happy and to attend school

OP posts:
brokenshoes · 08/12/2017 17:00

Not read all the comments, but I agree with you, taratill.

Although 'school refusal' is used as short-hand, it puts all the focus on the child and implies that there is a choice involved not to attend school. When in fact it is often due to extreme, debilitating anxiety.

My child has recently gone through a phase of being too anxious to attend school. And that's what I said to the school. I was careful not to say "refusing to go to school", as that implied an element of choice.

corythatwas · 08/12/2017 17:00

So sorry to hear this, OP, but not really surprised.

kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 17:02

That's awful @taratill I can't believe you were being harassed at such a hard time. Im glad your son is coping better with school now, long may it continue.

brokenshoes · 08/12/2017 17:03

"Unable to attend school" might be a better term.

HumphreyCobblers · 08/12/2017 17:04

I agree that refusal makes it sound as if the child is in control of their decision not to go. Refusing to do something and suffering an inability to do something are not the same thing at all.