To think the term School 'REFUSAL' should be banned?

[taratill]

I think it is a terrible term to use for a child who is unable to attend school and is an excuse for schools, LEA's the government to blame mental health problems / anxiety problems in school on the child.

I have first hand experience of this and had a child who was classed a school 'refuser' as a result of the fact that he had massive anxiety/ undiagnosed ASD and was unable to attend for a period of 6 months last year. Rather than give him support, in the first instance, when he started to get anxious and not want to go he was branded as naughty and defiant and quite ridiculously threatened with exclusion because he was scared to go into the class room. His anxiety wasn't addressed and he started to threaten to self harm and was eventually deemed until to go to school by mental health workers.

Happily now we have got to the root of the anxieties and have a good new school he has gone back but needs a number of interventions in the classroom/ school environment to cope. If he had had these and school had listened in the first place he may never have had to have time off, sigh!

I've read on a post today some quite judgemental comments about 'school refusal' and think the term itself is so damaging as the implication is that it is the child or the parents fault.

Just really winds me up, that's all.

I think what you describe is school phobia too, OP. And refusal has connotations, agreed. But honestly, when they discussed DS and his school refusal (similar situation) I didn't mind the word because he was refusing. I mean, he has refusal episodes in early meltdown stages, too, just to walk etc.

I don't think the problem is the word. I think the problem is the lack of understanding around mental health, and disability, and the overlaps. A child vehemently refusing to go to school is far more likely to have extremely good reasons, IMO, than to be spoiled or with feckless parents. It's a problem, that the default response is to blame the child and/or parents instead. Sadly, there can be few parents with SEN kids not to encounter that attitude.

I understand what you mean. I just feel that any new word would soon hold the same connotations, because people are prejudiced and/or ignorant.

Unless you've been through it I think it's difficult to understand that some children just aren't suited to a school environment. Particularly if they are very anxious and can't cope with all the sensory triggers, plus my DC was badly bullied

I think one of the best things any parent of children with additional needs can do for their own sanity is learn not to care what parents of children without additional needs think, or say, or do. They have no clue so it’s best to give their judgements no brain space.

perfectstorm I can see that completely.

I do think the problem lies deeper than the 'label' you are right. Astonishing really because it's all about attendance but no consideration for the reasons that a person's attendance might be poor.

If your child goes to school happily it can be hard to imagine circumstances in which another child won't so the assumption is that parents are not firm enough.

Ha, DS's school called in a Family Support Worker to offer parenting help. It was nice of them, in fairness, as there is a cost to the school and the intentions were good. But they didn't mention to her that he was autistic. It came up after she started offering parenting tips, and I said they didn't work on autism as this was anxiety, not tantrum. She raised an eyebrow, and asked if he was diagnosed. When I said yes, of course, she just looked at the head. I never saw her again - she put mental health support in place for DS instead, and that year was a good one. So good, they withdrew his support next September on grounds he was doing well. And he was a mess again inside half a term.

My new way of describing that is to say it's like removing someone's contraception, because they aren't getting pregnant, so don't need it. Rather like his paed described their "resilience" approach to forcing him to do things he literally could not manage (sensory processing) on the grounds it would help him overcome it as being like removing the wheelchair from a child with cerebral palsy so they could walk better. Both approaches seem terribly popular, in my experiences hearing other parents with ASD kids talk. His paed said it was all a variation on a theme and frustrates her hugely.

@sirzy definitely right.

I think one of the best things any parent of children with additional needs can do for their own sanity is learn not to care what parents of children without additional needs think, or say, or do. They have no clue so it’s best to give their judgements no brain space.

Mumsnet need a heart emoticon.

YANBU

I used to be a foster care and we had several young people placed with us who were labelled ‘school refusers’

These young people had so many reasons and issues that to simply label them as ‘school refusers’ did them a massive disservice.

One didn’t attend school because their parent was a heroin addict and the young person was terrified they’d OD while they were at school, another whose parents wouldn’t buy them uniform and every time the young person did go to school they’d get sent home. Parents who thought education was a waste of time.

To me, the term puts the blame on the child, when there are a million different reasons

"Rather like his paed described their "resilience" approach to forcing him to do things he literally could not manage (sensory processing) on the grounds it would help him overcome it as being like removing the wheelchair from a child with cerebral palsy so they could walk better."

You might be interested to hear that dd's consultant told me not to let her use a wheelchair on the grounds that "it will make her think of herself as disabled". This was a child who was in such bad pain that she had to crawl on her hands and knees to get into the school toilet.

cory that's horrific.

RichardRichieRichard

Are you me? Did s/he mask really well in school, too, until suddenly s/he couldn't anymore and was a despairing mess, by any chance?

Sometimes I want to start a Free School for kids like ours. I even know the staff for it - they do exist, but they aren't ruthless/careerist enough to be heads, sadly. But a school that could offer flexi-schooling, and understand some kids may struggle to reach Reception in some areas, yet be university level in others.. and who need things stated bluntly, not just assumed to be osmotically absorbed. A place with low sensory stress in classrooms, and a sensory quiet space for retreat, and planned and careful thought given to school trips (no, it's not a good idea to keep the trip destination a secret until they turn into the drive, two hours from home. I don't care if you are going to a wonderful and exciting place - how the fuck can I scaffold that?) You know? All the stuff they claim to do and just don't, mostly. Above all, staff who do understand. Not just assume they do, because they did a half day course and have taught thousands of children....

School phobia might be a bit more accurate.

More important to find out why and start to treat the phobia or refusal or whatever term you use.

Our local CAMHS have decided ‘Emotionally based school non-attendance’ is their term of choice. Bit of a mouthful, but a more accurate description perhaps.

You might be interested to hear that dd's consultant told me not to let her use a wheelchair on the grounds that "it will make her think of herself as disabled". This was a child who was in such bad pain that she had to crawl on her hands and knees to get into the school toilet.

Holy fuck. I am so, so sorry. That was a specialist paed?! Ours has been absolutely amazing, and at times it was such a lifeline. I'm appalled for you. Did you complain, and was there any outcome? for your DD. And you, too.

perfect my DS is the same, masked so well for so many years and when the masked slipped the wheels fell off. Most of his issues are sensory but he has such understanding from the current high school and a safe place to go at breaktimes/ lunch etc.

If the sound of a teachers voice in a particular lesson is too much he can work in a quiet room.

It's amazing.

Elly that is heartbreaking.

The big issue is there is little support for parents whose kids are not at school WHATEVER THE REASON. It is frightening that we would be fined if our child decided not to go to school .. I want nothing more ban my son to go to school, he very often doesn’t. I think this is anxiety - not that he will call it that, and not that it is perceived like that by the school. I have an appointment with Camhs - earliest time is end of Jan. there just isn’t anyone to help us out, and when a child is a teen it is literally impossible to get them to go if they won’t .

Yanbu. School refusers in my eyes are kids that simply won't go because they CBA and don't want to.
To me though, school refusers are kids that have anxiety issues of some kind (ASD etc.) and can't cope with it. Kids who can't be arsed to go are truants.

squeegle it is frightening that we can be fined even though we do everything in our power to encourage children to attend.

I hope the CAMHs appointment gives you answers. There must be a reason your son doesn't want to go which he is struggling to communicate to you.

kaytee87
I can think the OP's situation is awful whilst still being of the opinion that school refusal is an accurate umbrella term.

They are different issues. It's a bit like another poster who had school handle a medical situation appallingly in my opinion.

School refusal can be for a range of reasonsn many of which are awful abd distressing. Some schools handle it well, others don't. How individual schools handle those siuations doesn't influence my view of the umbrella term.

I'm only questioning what the point is in saying AIBU and then flat out saying 'well i think this is how it is'. It doesn't make sense to me.

The term seems correct to me, as the people trying to make judgements about what is going on have to start from a factual position: the parents are not keeping the child home, the child isn't excluded, it is thechildrefusing to attend. At that point they can look into the root causes, but they have to start with an accurate term in my opinion.
I agree. There may be many reasons (very valid & not - though more valid than not in my experience) but we have to start from a factual perspective that a child is refusing to attend school.
Lots of posts on hwre are very much 'but this is a reason why'. School refusal doesn't deny those reasons. It is just stating thr current situation.
What happens to respond to that situation is down to the school (hopefully to handle well but it can be handled poorly), however what the school does is independent of an accurate umbtella term.

The problem with terms like “school anxiety” and “School phobia” is both make assumptions about the problem and don’t highlight the non attendance part of the problem.

Perhaps “School refusal due to....” would be a better option although even that would rely on some level of understanding of why which especially in the early days main LG be present.

maisy ok but why then do so many parents of school refusals for anxiety reasons live in fear of Education Welfare Officers.

From experience of talking to other parents in similar situations many schools are just labelling it as school refusal putting it as unauthorised absence and failing to look at the reasons that the child is unable to attend.

If the label was not so broadly applied then this might not happen.

sirzy yes I agree with that. It is the failure on the part of schools to look beyond the term into the reasons that is the problem so having to differentiate the term specifically might assist with that.

I was thinking about school phobia and that wouldn't fit my son either, it is not an intrinsic fear of schools which the term phobia implies but more anxiety to do with aspects of it caused by his disability (which was unknown at the time he first started to struggle).

Thank you Tara, I get just what you are saying, it seems as though there is so much pressure on the kids today that these kind of problems are quite common