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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A guy has asked me if I want to 'hang out'.

112 replies

SingleSoda · 07/12/2017 23:08

Maybe i've watched too many romantics but being asked to 'hang out' doesn't quite strike the right note.

We're in our mid twenties and met last month as we both train for the same sports team. We seemed to click, he added me on Facebook and then we spent 6 hours solidly talking over messenger until the early hours. He's randomly popped up on messenger tonight asking if I want to hang out next week..

See I usually date absolute control freaks (I must admit I like the traditional gender roles/not having to making decisions/being swept off my feet) but I made the conscientious decision to date people who weren't my type just to try to end up with a guy who isn't a complete self centred arse. But I just can't seem to get excited about 'hanging out' or the energy to now play 'when/where/what'. I feel he's gone from a 8/10 to a wet 4/10. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ribrabrob · 08/12/2017 05:16

Hmm Wow you sound hard work OP! Seriously.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 08/12/2017 05:27

OP, I think it's great that you're going to go out with him. I hope you won't try to be swept off your feet the whole time. This is not how nice, normal relationships work. This is not tv. If he asks for your opinion it's because he respects you and wants to make you happy. A guy who tells you what to do doesn't care if you're happy or not and doesn't see you as an individual.

Please, for yourself and for women everywhere, shut down controlling men. Being nice isn't "wet". You need to get that idea out of your head if you ever want a healthy relationship.

Pengggwn · 08/12/2017 05:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gaudeamus · 08/12/2017 06:05

Maybe he's not asking you on a date, but just to spend time together as friends, and has chosen this form of words in order to make that clear?

StickThatInYourPipe · 08/12/2017 06:23

Pengggwn

I didn’t know what that meant for ages! Asked loads of people round for netflix and chill, including my mother, as I literally thought it meant watch Netflix and chill out! Blush Grin

Pengggwn · 08/12/2017 06:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/12/2017 06:29

You’ve always dated control freaks. Obviously that hasn’t worked out so far as you’re single. Perhaps he’s just wanting to take things slowly either because he likes you and wants to get it right or because he wants to see if you fit together. Perhaps you could consider being less of a control freak yourself and expecting every man to be a clone.

BertieBotts · 08/12/2017 06:38

I also agree it's a 25yo thing to some extent.

Pengggwn · 08/12/2017 06:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thecolonelbumminganugget · 08/12/2017 06:44

'Let's hangout' to me implies, let's spend some time together, go for a pint, have a chat and get to know each other a bit better and see where it takes us.

'Being swept off my feet' to me implies, I've made a definite plan to take this one to x activity and then buy her dinner (which I'll insist on paying for and she'll be well impressed) she will then have to shag me / go out with me again because she will owe me.

The first is two people meeting on equal terms, the second is one person trying to influence the other either out of dickishness or desperation.

chestylarue52 · 08/12/2017 06:50

Sounds like you're looking for Christian Grey and you're getting Andy from Accounts. If you're that bothered about this then don't go out with the poor lad. He will only disappoint you by doing something else totally normal like asking before he kisses you.

OhforfucksakeFay · 08/12/2017 06:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 08/12/2017 07:00

This is a bizarre post. That poor guy being dissected like this for using a normal phrase for wanting to let you know he would like to see you again. You are finding reasons to not like him because actually you just want to say you tried someone knew before you end up with another controlling arsehole. Self sabotaging is right, I had a friend like this who wouldn’t go on a second date with someone who had the audacity to put his hands in his pocket, she would find similar issues with everyone she dated.

Let him go and find someone nice.

cdvegan2023 · 08/12/2017 07:19

Sounds like you're looking for Christian Grey and you're getting Andy from Accounts.

lol this.

He's probably just a normal, shy, nice guy. But as you say, you like the ''sup gurl want some fuk'' assholes like most girls your age. So don't waste his or your time and keep dating cocky, abusive dickheads as usual.

buttfacedmiscreant · 08/12/2017 07:35

I've told my young adult/teen kids to have relationships with people they are friends with or want to be friends with. DH is my best friend and has been for a long time.

Sounds like he wants to get to know you better.

Dozer · 08/12/2017 07:40

THe bloke sounds fine, you sound like you have some weird ideas about relationships that won’t do you any favours.

LoniceraJaponica · 08/12/2017 07:50

Goodness Landsendmum. You sound rather unfriendly. I hope no shy guy asks you to “hang out”. He would be far too good for you Hmm

I'm disappointed at some of the princessy comments on here. Some people are shy and not very self assertive, and some aren't. Some of you need to get over yourselves.

Lizzie48 · 08/12/2017 08:17

He sounds like my DH when we were getting to know each other. On a day out in Oxford, he was nervous about suggesting that we go punting together as it felt too obviously like a date and he was wary of being too forward. (Instead he dragged me into a model exhibition rather than suggesting a tea room, not the best start.)

We'll have been married 15 years in April. Smile

NC4now · 08/12/2017 08:18

I’d hang out with a guy I liked, probably in the pub, —then possibly in the bedroom—.
I like a casual date in the early days. Plenty of time for romance once we know that’s what we want.

NC4now · 08/12/2017 08:18

Strikeout fail!

Crackednips · 08/12/2017 08:20

Isn't that what American Teenagers do --- "hang out"?

I bet he's all like -- "Can I get a triple espresso" too huh?

LoniceraJaponica · 08/12/2017 08:25

Some nasty, sneering comments on here Hmm
Get a grip

dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 08/12/2017 08:30

You are being ridiculous. Someone relaxed and less controlling could be exactly what you need. The first time I met up with my husband was casual, not a super organised date. Imagine if I had said no because it he hadn't swept me off my feet for our first date!

NataliaOsipova · 08/12/2017 08:36

decision to date people who weren't my type just to try to end up with a guy who isn't a complete self centred arse.

Here's your answer. He's asking you if you'd like to spend some time with him...on your own terms. He's not suggesting you join him in an activity of his choice. Okay, the phrasing isn't straight out of a film script, but he obviously likes you and isn't cocky and sure of himself. So he's broached it in that way. Yes, he could have said "do you fancy a drink/shall we go out for dinner", but he's giving you the option to say what you'd like to do. Which I think is nice and respectful. You're reading far, far too much into one phrase.

Here's another way to think about it. If I made judgements about you based on your phrasing/expression/grammar of your OP, you'd think I was totally unreasonable. And I would be. I don't know you; how can I form an opinion of you based on something so fleeting and superficial? It's a bit the same with you and this chap. Go out with him, get to know him and then decide how many marks out of ten he gets.

VioletHaze · 08/12/2017 08:38

I think "want to hang out" was how I started seeing DH, but I acknowledge I'm probably pretty different to you and the thought of "being swept off my feet/not making decisions" makes me want to call the police!