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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Me vs Costa...

208 replies

ImAMarshmellow · 07/12/2017 13:18

Went to a shopping centre this morning with ds. Wanted to stop for a coffee mid morning so went into one of the 2 costas in the retail park.
Ds is intolerant to soya, dairy and eggs, which means he essentially can't have anything that Costa sell. (Bread contains soya, crumpets have eggs in and cakes are self explanatory. They also prepare stuff in the same area, so cross contamination is highly possible) I don't want him eating a bag of salt and vinegar crisps, so I normally take a bag of Ella's puffs snacks or similar. (He's 15 months).
Bought myself a coffee and cake and sat down with ds and his snack. He's happily chomping through his snack and an employee brought my drink over and asked if I had bought the snack ds was eating from there... I explained not and that he can't eat anything from there because as far as I am aware most of the foods are unsuitable for his dietary needs. She basically asked me to either leave or put the snacks away.
So was I wrong for bringing my own snacks or was I being reasonable since he really can't eat anything from there?
The only other 2 places to eat within that retail park would have been the same I.e they sell cakes/snack style foods.

OP posts:

DramaLlama600 · 07/12/2017 14:59

My dd has severe dairy/egg allergirs and I can't eat these as I'm breastfeeding her....so I have to take separate nibbles if we pop to a cafe. I explained in a branch of Costa the other day and they were perfectly happy for us to eat our own food. I bought a black coffee and topped it up with oat milk I bought next door in Holland &Barrett, and my dd ate a bagel we'd brought from home. It might make a difference just asking the staff if they mind, before sitting down. Does seem strange with a small toddler though, as they don't sell much in the way of toddler-friendly food.

Coconutspongexo · 07/12/2017 15:01

As long as they are not taking up a seat of a paying customer...

But would you sit at a table with someone else anyway? If I have a Costa and my sons taking up a seat to sit with me would you ask me to move him because he hasn’t paid for a drink? (He’s 2 btw)

Mandalorian · 07/12/2017 15:01

Our local costa is shit.
Went in at 3.20 on a Sunday for a quick hot chocolate and they had the entire seating area roped off as it was 'nearly closing time'
It was 40 bloody minutes to closing time, ample time for me to drink a chocolate and leave.

DH prefers Costa, personally I'd rather go to starbucks.

BewareOfTheToddler · 07/12/2017 15:02

I think you were unlucky - we go to Costa a lot (we often meet friends in one with a little soft play area) and have never had this. I usually buy a drink and pastry on arrival and then a sandwich for myself after soft play, so they get about £10 out of me, but DS is 2 and fussy so won't eat anything they sell. Nobody has ever objected to him eating his Laughing Cow sandwich and cut-up grapes.

I would happily buy him a sandwich but he will only eat cheese spread or peanut butter sandwiches and I wouldn't take the latter to a soft play in case of other kids' allergies. On the other hand, if we're stopping for a coffee and a snack, I'll happily buy him a snack too in places like Costa or Nero.

The only place I've been to that strictly enforces the no outside food rule is a local soft play - which is a nut free venue and sells a wide range of age appropriate foods and snacks. Fair play.

PinkHeart5914 · 07/12/2017 15:05

Actually, Costa do a GF, vegan, soy free christmas cake slice and mince pie so you could have bought him something - they are sealed 😂 the baby is 15 months old there is absolutely every chance they are not going to eat Christmas cake or a mince pie ffs. I am a lot older than 15 months and I wouldn’t touch either

VivaLeBeaver · 07/12/2017 15:06

Friend of mine brings her own marmite to Costa as it's cheaper to buy toast rather than marmite and toast. They see her putting it on and don't care.

BalloonSlayer · 07/12/2017 15:08

Oh I have had this ONCE in 17 years, from an utter arsehole of a cafe owner. The rest of the time no one has batted an eyelid. As long as the other people are in the party are buying something, no one rational fails to understand the issue. We have even taken home made pizza into Pizza Hut for DS. Obviously we wouldn't have done this and not bought any food.

puddingpen · 07/12/2017 15:12

[T]he baby is 15 months old there is absolutely every chance they are not going to eat Christmas cake or a mince pie ffs.

The other day my cousin's 1 year old was reaching out for his mum's mince pie. Assuming he wouldn't like it, she broke a bit off and gave it too him. He refused his lunch and kept reaching towards the mince pies...

Coconutspongexo · 07/12/2017 15:14

What a cute anaecdote, my 2 year old doesn’t like mince pies like lots of children & adults don’t....

PersianCatLady · 07/12/2017 15:14

If the OP had brought her coffee and cake from home then she would be in the wrong but she was a paying customer keeping her child quiet with a snack that Costa couldn't provide.

becotide · 07/12/2017 15:19

"What a cute anaecdote, my 2 year old doesn’t like mince pies like lots of children & adults don’t...."

Also an anecdote...

Coconutspongexo · 07/12/2017 15:20

Well done for missing my point becotide

ArcheryAnnie · 07/12/2017 15:23

It is normally not the done thing to bring out any food in a cafe that you haven't bought there, but since in this case your DS can't eat anything that they sell, YANBU.

YABU, however, for not saying "my son is allergic to everything you sell, but I've bought him a snack he can eat - is that OK?" when you bought your own coffee and cake. Anytime I have asked, I have always been given permission. It's not asking in someone else's gaff that is rude.

RestingGrinchFace · 07/12/2017 15:26

YANBU. It's one thing if you brought sonething that you could buy there but that's not what happened. She basically asked you to leave you child without a snack to watch you eating cake.

Laiste · 07/12/2017 15:33

DD4 is 3 and i've always gone into costa with her in tow and just given her her bottle of water and a snack i had with me while i have my coffee and cake. Never hidden it, never had an issue.

While you're in there spending silly money on a cup of coffee and bit of cake (with a mate usually) and buggering off again within a reasonable amount of time what in heck would they have to complain about?

If they had ever been snotty about it i wouldn't have started buying stuff for DD i would have stopped going there.

ProperLavs · 07/12/2017 15:34

They child won'r die watching his mum eating just because he doesn't have food. That's a silly thing to say.
However, I think you have right on your side op.

BewareOfDragons · 07/12/2017 15:36

You were not being unreasonable.

That really sucks. He's a baby on feet with severe, multiple allergies. They should have let it be.

bigarse1 · 07/12/2017 15:39

we are in a very similar position to you - twins with lots of allergies and an eating disorder. cannot find anything in coffee shops. we find independent ones can do things like give you a slice of ham and some cucumber but somewhere where it is already made is no good. I take snacks with me and explain at the till and ask if that's ok. every time they have said yes once ive explained

OhNoFuckADuck · 07/12/2017 15:39

Imagine if you'd been breastfeeding!!!!

brasty · 07/12/2017 15:44

YANBU OP. But some parents really do take the piss with this. So the manager may have just decided on a blanket ban, after having lots of issues.

PineappleScrunchie · 07/12/2017 15:49

Op I can’t believe you didn’t take him to one of the many soya, dairy and egg free cafes... oh wait...

Deathraystare · 07/12/2017 15:53

There used to be a cheap bakery opposite the Cotas my friend and I regularly used. So we would buy a drink in Costa's, sit outside and munch something from the bakery. Because we sat outside they did not notice. The tables (not cleared) were full of sandwich wrappers from elsewhere. Sadly the bakery is no more.

CointreauVersial · 07/12/2017 15:53

Surely all rules about "own food" are off where babies and toddlers are concerned?

Anyway, I'd have smiled and carried on.

purpleviolet1 · 07/12/2017 15:53

I went to Sainsbury's to do a bit of shopping and when looked at the time, realised 8 month old would've been hungry. So I went to the cafe and fed him. Didn't buy anything myself. They didn't bat an eyelid, in fact one staff member came and spoke to ds. I probably would've bought something but just as I finished feeding him my dad phoned and I needed to rush off.

Would usually buy something first before sitting down but ds was getting more and more grumpy

brasty · 07/12/2017 15:57

Cointreau Yes as long as people don't take the piss, So a big group- buying a coffee each and feeding their kids a picnic lunch they brought with them, is not okay. Especially in an independent or franchise.

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