torn between DP and DS, WWYD

[Goodfood1]

My DS who's 25 sent me a message last night saying he wants to split with his GF & can he stay at ours a few nights. We have a spare room. my DP (Not DS's father) went on a massive rant about how my DS is an adult and should act like one not run to Mum.

I know my DP doesn't feel comfortable with others in the house and in particular my DS. Now I didn't ask if he could come and stay I just told my DP about the message, I then was unable to hardly say a word and when i managed to he wasn't listening and jumped in straight away.

In the end I was really upset, he stayed downstairs till late and I went to bed.

My DS won't stay longer than a few days as GF is leaving next week for xmas and he is going away soon too, but I do understand where my DP is coming from, he even struggled with his own sister staying with before we even lived together.

my family comes from an everyone is welcome background, he hardly ever had people at his home.

Now WWYD?
I have 2 issues here,

1. balancing the welcome or not of my DS to my home.
2. DP who when he's on a rant listens to no-one which leaves me angry and frustrated.

sorry if its long.

Thanks Sky, maybe neither of them are dicks they just have their own characters, but his rant last night WAS dick, I think I will address that first. am so pleased I decided to post here, was a bit nervous but you've for the most part been great !!!

My son will be welcome in my house til my final breath leaves my body.

I hope whenever he has troubles he runs back to me. I'm his mother and I always will be.

Your DP is being a nob. You know you should ignore him and have your son come to stay.

What you’ve said sounds good. You’ve found the middle ground. Your dp will only have to feel uncomfortable for a short period of time. Compromise and negotiation is what we do for the ones we love.

"Spirited"!

Do you think she met him the day they moved in together?

Do I really need to state the obvious and say 'no'?

I am assuming that since they have only been living together for six months, it is a fairly new relationship. Even if it isn't, IMO you sometimes only see somebody's true colours when you start living together - as OP seems to be doing now.

OP why do you want to live with somebody you describe as a 'dick' anyway? I really don't get it.

I am assuming that since they have only been living together for six months, it is a fairly new relationship

What a very odd thing to assume.
Why not just say, I'm sorry, I misunderstood?

I’d be concerned about your six year old as well. How will he cope with that six year old being in his space when he/she is 16 or 23? Children can’t always automatically move out once they become adults. It’s their home too.

Who owns the house?

He is being a dick. If mine or DH's kids wanted to come back and stay we wouldn't hesitate.

It's lovely having the place to ourselves but your kids come first always.

What a very odd thing to assume.
Why not just say, I'm sorry, I misunderstood?

Um - because I'm not?

Why are you so determined to leave a bad taste in my mouth curry?

Seriously why do you even question this..ds every time. He needs his mum for support now. I question why you with partner!

You thought they were 6 months together rather than 6 months living together. Very easy mistake to make, why not just say so?
People are weird.

"I do understand where my DP is coming from"

Do you? Really? I don't.

If a friend or neighbour was having a temporary crisis that required sleeping in our spare room for a few nights, I would say 'yes' to them, far less my own son!

"I know my DP doesn't feel comfortable with others in the house and in particular my DS."

Wow! I couldn't be with this man. Are you going to allow this treatment of your son?

dd1 has just gone to uni as the first of my 4 to " leave the nest" prompted this from me to all 4..

I want you all to know dad and I love you and whilst we want you to find your own way forward in life there will ALWAYS be a place for you back home. You can ALWAYS come home to dad and I.

I don't want them to ever need to do so however if they do they will be welcome with open arms.

I didn't realise you could read my thoughts curry

Guess what I'm thinking now?

Just your words. Are you always so irritable over a simple mistake?

The fact you have a six year old is even more concerning. Did they hear his rant at you about their sibling?

Remember they learn how relationships work from us.

He is BU, if your son has already recently lived with you for a month, what's a few more days?

"I can afford to live in this house alone but its not what i want."

Ah! I'm guessing it's your house and your DP has moved in. Am I right?

How long ago did he move in? Long enough to get his feet firmly under the table and start laying down the law.

I understand him being annoyed if he feels youve only just got rid of him and hes back. I cant deal with people staying in my house either. I can just about tolerate my own children ;)

I would however suck it up reluctantly because its immediate family, and even as adults, id like to think i would put my children above and beyond anyone.
I always remember my nana telling me about an argument where my grandad tried to stop one of my aunts from coming home as he was so pissed off about her lifestyle choice and my nana standing up to his face and telling him to back off and that was her child, and he was "only her husband"
Id put my children first over anyone else in the world. Im not sure how else to think about it. If you dont, then whats the point of family?

I am fiercely independent. I left home at 18 and have looked after and funded myself ever since. Despite that, the knowledge that I am always welcome at either of my parents' houses (both remarried) if I ever need it, continues to be a great source of comfort for me and it confirms to me how much they love me. Both new partners, despite never having their own children, completely understand that and it's one of the reasons why we are a close and happy family.

Which is a long winded way of saying that your DP is an arse

From the updates I can understand why your partner may not be enthusiastic about your son moving back, and I guess from his initial reaction, he could see what was coming. But I still stand by my previous comment that children should still come first.

Support your son.he will always be your son.

Where does your dp think your son should go? If he has lost his home, where should he go?

My son (25) is still at home. It;s his home too - for as long as he wants. And as often as he needs it.

They'd have you single and alone and only important as a safety net for your children.

On the contrary, if her relationship goes tits up, I’d say it’s important she doesn’t alienate her family in favour of a non relative. Then she really would be alone.