Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to feel a little sad? (Secret Santa related)

141 replies

JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 19:48

At work amongst our group of 10 including our manager did a Secret Santa.

We are a fairly close group, spend quite a lot of time together and I get on well with everyone (although I don't know my manager as well).

Our budget was minimum £20, and date of exchange decided a month ago.

I found a great gift for the person I was buying for, as they had briefly mentioned in conversation that they wanted it. They were very grateful and genuinely happy with their gift, which to me is much more important than receiving a gift. I get very excited when people open presents I have bought them!

Everyone else received lovely personal gifts, such as a new clutch bag, makeup, something related to their upcoming wedding, scarves, personalised gifts and candles.

My gift was a box of chocolates. It was not even wrapped, and was given in the carrier bag it was bought in, receipt still inside. The person had not spent even the minimum £20. Of course, I said thank you (although I don't know who bought them). It was quite difficult to be ecstatic about a box of chocolates though!

Other people in our department were admiring people's gifts, and when they asked to see what I got they looked a bit awkward and didn't know what to say

I am not a difficult person to buy for- I have interests which the others are all aware of (although perhaps maybe my manager doesn't).

AIBU to be a little upset?

OP posts:

Jerseysilkvelour · 06/12/2017 21:25

We always do £1 shop secret Santa, and it always turns out fun. Dog toys and stick on moustaches always abound!

I think when you have to put too much thought and money into it there's always going to be someone in your position I.e. Disappointed and had also put in lots of effort when buying their gift.

Deffo go and get yourself a nice £20 gift!

CurlyBlueberry · 06/12/2017 21:38

Going "too" thoughtful can also be an issue. The first year I had a "proper" job we did an office secret santa, budget £10. I was really excited and thought hard about it. I got my manager in the draw, and bought her some lovely fluffy socks with a character on that she liked, a lavender-scented candle as she'd mentioned liking the smell, and some other personal bits I've forgotten now along similar lines. I put it all into a plush stocking with a few wrapped chocs and sweeties.

Imagine my horror when the rest of the "presents" pile was entirely small envelopes. It turned out everyone else literally just bought each other £10 vouchers for their favourite shops (H&M, M&S etc). Being new, I didn't know this!!! People even commented things like "someone obviously overspent" - I genuinely hadn't, I just shopped quite savvily. I was so embarrassed!

Original poster

JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 21:42

Aww Blueberry!

Why should you feel embarrassed? Would have been nice for someone to let you know that's how it's done in your workplace, but I'm sure your manager will have appreciated the thought behind your gifts (I should hope so anyway!)

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 06/12/2017 21:49

Someone in my office with sharpie-style eyebrows once received a set of 5 sharpies. She was baffled and I did hear a few stifled giggles from the others. That was mean imho.

MadeForThis · 06/12/2017 21:53

Use the receipt to return the chocolates and buy yourself something nice.

TheEdge266 · 06/12/2017 21:57

This reminds me of my office last year. Everyone got lovely gifts and someone got the heavily pregnant Muslim woman a bottle of wine. 🤦 people don't think sometimes. Not very thoughtful at all

WhyamIBoredathome · 06/12/2017 22:00

I hate secret santa. My OH has a work one this year for a tenner. He's got to buy for a lady, and given the little effort he's put into the kids present (all finished and done by me) his parents presents (organised by his sister) or my present (he told me he's got nothing yet and no ideas) she is going to end up with a box of thoughtless chocolates.

PoorYorick · 06/12/2017 22:07

Crap, I didn't know chocolates were a bad gift. I don't know the person I drew at all, nothing about her, we work on completely different projects. I bought her some Hotel Chocolate chocolates to the price limit, chocolate is the only thing I know she likes. Should I buy something else? And if so, what?

thegrinchreaper · 06/12/2017 22:07

I can see how unfortunately it panned out, and why it was cringey :( but as others have said, 'overly' personal or thoughtful gifts can lead to embarrassment too. The person who bought your present might have been dying inside seeing everyone else unwrapping theirs, or they might've thought it was a thoughtful gift. People often buy things they would appreciate themselves.
I don't think you should leave the chocolates out to show how little you appreciate them, that could be very hurtful and then there will just be ill feeling all round.
Secret Santa is better with a much lower budget and to be meant as a laugh.

Draylon · 06/12/2017 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caoraich · 06/12/2017 22:16

PoorYorick I think some of it is about obvious thoughtlessness. OP's present still had the receipt and wasn't even wrapped. If someone got me a present of fancy chocs (e.g. hotel chocolat) but had wrapped them nicely I don't think I'd be anywhere near as miffed as the OP is, I'd just think it was probably someone who didn't know me well and wanted to get something generic but nice IYSWIM

Lindy2 · 06/12/2017 22:20

I can understand why you're upset. £20 for a work secret santa is too much though. They are work colleagues not necessarily people you know well or have things in common with, other than shared office space.
Opt out next year and buy yourself something you know you want.

PoorYorick · 06/12/2017 22:25

I hope so, thank you. I've wrapped them in nice glittery paper with a bow and tag card. The price is only £5 (thought that was standard? £20 seems excessive for office SS), it's not as though I'm going to be able to get anything luxurious and unusual for that!

My reasoning is that I'd be happy to receive them, so...

Rainbowqueeen · 06/12/2017 22:42

Yorick I think your gift sounds fine and you have obviously put effort into wrapping etc.

The OPs SS couldn't even do that ! So it was a non starter and the lack of any care or thought was obvious right from when it was handed over.

BackforGood · 06/12/2017 22:49

Am beginning to think that the meaning of the word 'embarrassed' has been changed and I've missed the memo. this is the 2nd thread in succession where poster has said they were embarrassed, when nothing they had done or said would lead to them being embarrassed

However, this is exactly why, in a SS with colleagues, spending a lot of money is a poor idea. When you have a £5 limit, or even the £2 or £shop ones, it is a bit of a laugh and it doesn't matter if giver gets it wrong. Most of us don't know colleagues well enough to get them something they'd really like, even if the giver is someone who enjoys shopping or has lots of time on their hands to browse for ideas. To be fair a 15 box of chocs must either have been mahoosive, or really posh chocolates, which a lot of people would appreciate - your colleague wasn't to know that you wouldn't, therefore proving the point. When you said 'a box of chocs' I was presuming a £3.79 box of Roses or something.
So, IMO, YANBU to feel a little disappointed, but it was predictable when the amount people were spending was so hig. I bet you aren't the only one either, even though people were polite and feigned appreciation.

CanIBuffalo · 06/12/2017 22:53

Yorick it's more about the gesture. OP's 'Santa' couldn't be arsed to wrap them, source chocolates for the specified amount and didn't even have the grace to remove the receipt from the bag.
If I were the OP, I'd be wondering whether I was just working with an idiot or if all this was deliberate.

Columbine1 · 06/12/2017 23:02

I've always quite liked secret Santa even though a lot of people don't put much thought into it - I have too many flimsy scarves in unsuitable colours! But last year in my hobby group of 10 years someone gave me something that so offended me I gasped when I opened it! I had an idea who it was from as I noticed one person observing my reaction but tbh its changed how I feel about the whole group which is a shame. Ironically I have got the person I thought it was this year(!) but have tried to put it behind me and bought them something lovely which relates to one of their interests.

LadyLapsang · 06/12/2017 23:03

Secret Santa with a twist. You all bring a wrapped gift, welcome to recycle etc. Gifts all deposited secretly in sack and then placed on table. Numbered tickets drawn, one - however many people are taking part. Person one chooses a gift, unwraps it. Person two can take person one's gift (in which case person one gets to chose another gift) or chose a new one. By the time you get to the last person, they have the choice of all the gifts open so far or the last gift on the table. This can be quite amusing, especially if more than one person takes a shine to a particular gift, it can change hands a number of times. Anyway, seeing this thread reminded me to buy my gift, which I have just done. Thank you.

Tallia · 06/12/2017 23:30

YABU. What seems like a personal 'lovely' gift to you, may not seem the same to the recipient. I also suspect you're projecting your own disappointment onto your colleagues when you say they got a bit awkward and didn't know what to say.

I'm with everyone else who thinks a 20pound minimum for a secret santa is just a silly idea. I also have never had a minimum spend on secret santa, only a maximum, so if someone said it was a 20pound budget I'd assume that was a maximum.

Don't take them into work with a snarky comment, that's being deliberately mean which is worse than being thoughtless (let alone you don't know who gave you them, or what circumstances led to them choosing them). If you don't want them, give them to a local care home or homeless shelter. I'm sure LOTS of people would love a nice 15pound box of chocs!

ginplease8383 · 06/12/2017 23:34

We’ve got a spreadsheet at work with what we want for secret Santa 😖 most people have written gift vouchers. How pointless.
We had to do ‘10 items for £10’ last year so I did a ‘spa in a jar’ and got everything from Poundland but it was nice. I got a shit bracelet that looked worn. Twice I’ve had something totally crap. I’m not doing it again they can fuck off

eastlondoner · 06/12/2017 23:37

God I hate secret santa.

If it makes you feel less crappy OP one year a male colleague got me a really offensive sex book. Nothing mainstream I mean really strange and offensive I immediately threw it in the staff room bin as we worked in a childrens' unit plus it was just gross

Another year I got an ornamental tea pot

LaurieMarlow · 06/12/2017 23:44

I think a work secret santa at more than a fiver is a bit silly though. It only works at a 'bit of fun' level. If decent presents are expected someone's bound to be disappointed.

Last year, my work did Yankee swap instead. That added a frisson of competitive tension

hilbil21 · 06/12/2017 23:56

I got scented sanitary towel wrapper things in a secret Santa once!! Everyone else had lovely things. I was so disappointed and slightly perturbed lol

DiegoMadonna · 07/12/2017 00:06

I think that if someone's a shit present buyer, then that's on them, not you. No reason for you to be upset.

TBH if that person didn't want to fully take part, they should have declined to take part. Nothing worse than a crap secret santa.

yaskween · 07/12/2017 00:08

I once received a mini recipe book of cocktails- inscribed on the very first page was a very sweet message to the giver from a clearly elderly relative for her 21st birthday...it made me sad for the relative more than anything else!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread