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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little sad? (Secret Santa related)

141 replies

JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 19:48

At work amongst our group of 10 including our manager did a Secret Santa.

We are a fairly close group, spend quite a lot of time together and I get on well with everyone (although I don't know my manager as well).

Our budget was minimum £20, and date of exchange decided a month ago.

I found a great gift for the person I was buying for, as they had briefly mentioned in conversation that they wanted it. They were very grateful and genuinely happy with their gift, which to me is much more important than receiving a gift. I get very excited when people open presents I have bought them!

Everyone else received lovely personal gifts, such as a new clutch bag, makeup, something related to their upcoming wedding, scarves, personalised gifts and candles.

My gift was a box of chocolates. It was not even wrapped, and was given in the carrier bag it was bought in, receipt still inside. The person had not spent even the minimum £20. Of course, I said thank you (although I don't know who bought them). It was quite difficult to be ecstatic about a box of chocolates though!

Other people in our department were admiring people's gifts, and when they asked to see what I got they looked a bit awkward and didn't know what to say Blush

I am not a difficult person to buy for- I have interests which the others are all aware of (although perhaps maybe my manager doesn't).

AIBU to be a little upset?

OP posts:
evilharpy · 06/12/2017 20:48

I've been in my new team for about a week and secret santa exchange is next week. Nobody really knows me yet so I'm expecting something very generic and won't be upset about it. Most secret santas I've done in the past seem to be that everyone gets either generic stuff (wine/chocs) or comedy tat.

Maybe a bit different if you're all quite close and know each other's likes and dislikes etc though.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 06/12/2017 20:51

I am sorry you feel sad about the gift op. But really. Secret Santa is a grim idea imo, in the category of enforced fun that drains all the "fun" away. It is an enforced tradition that not everyone enjoys - you might as well just silently exchange £20 notes and be done with it.

Just because you place importance on thoughtful gift giving, which is a lovely trait, does not mean everyone should have the same feelings about gifts. I hope you have a great Christmas and receive some meaningful presents from people you love and who love you. Put this box of chocolates in your tum, and out of your mind, waste no more energy on it.

scrabbler3 · 06/12/2017 20:51

Reminds me of the episode of Frasier where Roz buys Frasier a lovely leather case, and he gives her a novelty microphone. And the Friends one where Phoebe has picked up all her gifts at a petrol station.

Some people are not adept at gift buying OP. Perhaps the giver has a lot going on at home and didn't have time to look around for something. Maybe they've seen you enjoying a Twix with your afternoon cuppa and assumed you have a sweet tooth. It could be a number of things. At least they were Christmas themed I suppose.

Glad your recipient was delighted.

crazycatgal · 06/12/2017 20:52

Have you got any idea who it was OP?

grannytomine · 06/12/2017 20:52

One year I got a shower cap that looked like a Christmas pudding. Everyone laughed and I felt they were laughing at me and it made it worse. It went straight in the bin.

CanIBuffalo · 06/12/2017 20:53

Leave it next to the kettle in the office - with the receipt taped to the lid.😈

KC225 · 06/12/2017 20:55

I remember a works secret Santa and a colleague and I got each other and both bought thoughtful gifts. Our Manager got our supervisor and bought this very image (and label) conscious woman sainsburys handwash and three bottles of the same one. She tried to put on a brave face but she was furious. Like the OP's gift, it was still in the carrier bag and hot from the scan gun.

Urubu · 06/12/2017 20:56

Yes bandito I was about to say the same.
In my office Secret Santanis low key, £5 and gifts like chocolates/wine/christmas novelty items/party games... It is just for fun!

Tisfortired · 06/12/2017 20:58

I'd be a bit miffed too OP.

Our work secret Santa budget is £10, last year I put loads of effort in and managed to get lots of nice little bits for the person I got.

I received a Disney 'frozen' child size mug and chocolate Olaf set Hmm the kind you get for kids at Easter...

wrenika · 06/12/2017 20:59

At least you can eat chocolates...one year I got a car sponge and car shampoo stuff. I didn't even have a car at the time. I worked with around 10 people on a remote site where I had to get dropped off by my mum (yeah, grown student needing lifts...) so everyone knew I didn't have my own car. I still bear a grudge about that one.

fourpawswhite · 06/12/2017 21:01

OP that's a shame. Buy yourself something lovely, and Defo leave them on the table with a note.

I hate secret Santa for this reason but have to do it as one of bosses or would get moaned at. I have never had a nice present. Last year a plastic wine glass. One. Budget is a tenner. It was made worse as I own the office dog, who is in the office every day. Despite me protesting everyone wanted her included in the secret Santa, which meant I had to buy two presents, as obviously she got someone. So twenty pound to spend. Guess what she got????? Nothing, because she's a dog. Said the person who got her. AngryI had a little cry over that one, especially as I had got him and been really thoughtful.

I didn't even want her in the secret Santa, she's banned this year!!

cheminotte · 06/12/2017 21:03

I think £20 is just too much for secret Santa. That's a lot of money to spend on people you don't know that well.

Ellisandra · 06/12/2017 21:04

A lot of what you've described as the other gifts sound pretty shit to me. Candles? I mean - what is the obsession with candles?

People often post that they don't know what to get their own spouse, who they really know and love and care about. So don't assume that just because you all chit chat all the time they should have got something more personal.

Yes, maybe they're mean. Or maybe:

  • they think it's a good gift (and they went into the shop with a £20 budget - surely it's max, not to the penny? - and thought that had lovely flavours and it just happened to be £15
  • maybe they hate the pressure of Secret Santa but they have no choice and silently hate it
  • maybe they really just had more on their mind these last weeks - you never know what's going on in people's lives
  • maybe there's no actual thoughtlessness - they just lack imagination? Maybe they spent longer in the shop choosing that as the nicest box, than did a colleague who did a grab and run "that'll do" in the stinky over priced candle aisle?

Who knows what their reason was, but I'd say that the least likely reason is that they deliberately wanted to upset you! So accept them with good grace, and accept the lottery that is Secret Santa! So bloody glad we don't do it.

Tisfortired · 06/12/2017 21:05

Also, the year I was pregnant (was only about 4 months) I got maternity sanitary towels, breast pads and Lansinoh... don't get me wrong handy eventually but hard to be excited about maternity pads.

Sara107 · 06/12/2017 21:07

We did secret santa for a couple of years and once I got given one of those free CDs that sometimes used to get sellotaped to the Sunday papers - it had a Robbie Williams track on it - one song on a free CD. Other years the gifts were slightly less crap, I was really glad when we stopped doing it. 'It's the thought that counts' and when someone gives you something that clearly had zero thought or effort of any sort I think it makes you feel worse than no gift!

RedForFilth · 06/12/2017 21:07

Should I take them into work tomorrow and leave them in the tea room with a note for everyone to help themselves? YES! Definitely do. Otherwise you'll end up throwing them away if you don't like them. You'll look generous for sharing, they'll feel like a prize tit.

mammmamia · 06/12/2017 21:08

Sorry but I think you're over thinking it and £20 is far too much for a work SS. It means you're bound to be disappointed if the giver didn't put much effort in. It only works with colleagues etc if it's a small budget and novelty funny gifts that you can have a laugh over and no ones going to feel sad like you are now.

StarWarsFanatic · 06/12/2017 21:09

If someone bought me a candle I would smile and say thank you but I can't light them at home because of my cat so I think it is subjective. I'm also not too fond of fancy chocolates though. They may have thought it was a £20 maximum. I think more thought may have gone in than you realised but they are just massive self-doubters so figured they would go for a 'safe' option. It is okay to be disappointed with bad gifts, I get given wine all the time, including by family who know I don't drink.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 06/12/2017 21:09

Well it could be worse OP. My first ever secret Santa, I was 17 and very shy. I spent ages finding the right thing for my recipient which they loved ( £5.00 was a lot of money in those days I think I only earnt 25 p.w. When I got mine it was a pack of 4 toilet rolls, (and they were really cheap ones). All the men thought it was really funny, lots of crude jokes ensued and I was so embarrassed I nearly cried!
I know it sounds ridiculous but I have hated opening presents every since, just in case I have that experience again.

Draylon · 06/12/2017 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caoraich · 06/12/2017 21:15

Oh OP, I feel for you! It's probably not worth trying to figure out who it was - are you going to just seethe all year about it? I'd definitely bring the chocs in and do a cheery "so much chocolate about this year, can't eat them all to myself!" and leave them for everyone.

Our work secret santa is quite good. The rules are that it's £5 max and must come from a charity shop. It means no-one gets cheap wine/chocs and no-one feels bad about re-charity-shopping the items later either! There are usually a few good things, books, and hilarious things that we can have a laugh about - "I wonder if they ever thought they'd manage to sell that ceramic mug shaped like Prince Edward" etc. Similar rules may be worth suggesting for your lot!

Original poster
JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 21:16

I love the charity shop idea!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 06/12/2017 21:17

God I hate office secret Santa, it really is shit and puts far too much pressure on everyone. Theres always someone disappointed or missed out.
Op the buyer probably just didn't have a clue what to buy you. I struggle to know what to buy my own mum!

kaytee87 · 06/12/2017 21:19

The charity shop idea just forces people to go to shops they may not usually go to and even more pressure to find something decent. I do all of my shopping online but may pick something up in a supermarket.

I know I sound bah humbug, I do love Christmas I just think office secret Santa is shit.

Gacapa · 06/12/2017 21:25

One year I got a cheapo framed photo of my head photoshopped onto an Amish man's body. Hmm