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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little sad? (Secret Santa related)

141 replies

JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 19:48

At work amongst our group of 10 including our manager did a Secret Santa.

We are a fairly close group, spend quite a lot of time together and I get on well with everyone (although I don't know my manager as well).

Our budget was minimum £20, and date of exchange decided a month ago.

I found a great gift for the person I was buying for, as they had briefly mentioned in conversation that they wanted it. They were very grateful and genuinely happy with their gift, which to me is much more important than receiving a gift. I get very excited when people open presents I have bought them!

Everyone else received lovely personal gifts, such as a new clutch bag, makeup, something related to their upcoming wedding, scarves, personalised gifts and candles.

My gift was a box of chocolates. It was not even wrapped, and was given in the carrier bag it was bought in, receipt still inside. The person had not spent even the minimum £20. Of course, I said thank you (although I don't know who bought them). It was quite difficult to be ecstatic about a box of chocolates though!

Other people in our department were admiring people's gifts, and when they asked to see what I got they looked a bit awkward and didn't know what to say Blush

I am not a difficult person to buy for- I have interests which the others are all aware of (although perhaps maybe my manager doesn't).

AIBU to be a little upset?

OP posts:
Hellywelly10 · 06/12/2017 20:07

Once I got an unwrapped body lotion and showerase gel that was a gift set in the shops the year before. Feel your pain x

DontTouchTheMoustache · 06/12/2017 20:08

Just remember that it is bad luck that you got the lazy, thoughtless person and not pa reflection of anyone else.

Dsmummy · 06/12/2017 20:11

My old boss bought our heavily fake tanned co worker (that he used to sleep with) a tin of ronseal Grin
It wasn’t well received

BusySittingDown · 06/12/2017 20:17

I got a box of chocolates from mine last year.

I felt a bit pissed off Blush when I opened them and everyone else was opening lovely things, particularly as I’d put a lot of thought into the gift that I bought. And, I mean, c’mon it’s Christmas - I’m drowning in chocolate!!! They weren’t even nice chocolates either, I would have preferred Quality Street - of which I had tubs full of anyway what with it being er, you know, oh yes! Christmas!

Anyway, from this I concluded that someone in the office obviously hates me and I decided not to join in this year. I can buy my own chocolates.

Thankfully my office has decided to scrap it this year and do something for charity instead. Much better!

Original poster
JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 20:17

Yes I'm going to try and forget about it after today. It's a reflection on them, and not their opinion of me (I hope)

Grin at Ronseal. I bet that didn't go down too well!

OP posts:
RedForFilth · 06/12/2017 20:18

If they were a decent person they'd acknowledge it was a shit effort and give you their nice gift and keep the chocolates for themselves. They should be the one feeling embarrassed, not you.

Iloveacurry · 06/12/2017 20:20

Don’t do it next year! Wouldn’t you rather spend £20 on something nice for yourself?

LapdanceShoeshine · 06/12/2017 20:21

I am trying to focus on how happy the person I bought for was. That's a much better feeling!

it really is Halo

(& at least it wasn't rubber gloves & a loo brush Grin)

Petalflowers · 06/12/2017 20:21

I once got a handbag bag (one of those bags that folds down into a small bag for your handbag)and a notepad. I was slightly disappointed and embaressed, as everyone else had nice bottles of wine, chocolate, jewellery etc. Ironically, with the 5p bag situation, it has come in very useful... .

For me, I was trying to work out how they had perceived me.

I’d feel disappointed at the lack,of thought and effort also.

Orangeplastic · 06/12/2017 20:21

The dc's school do this - there is often at least one child says they want to do it but doesn't bother getting a gift - it really is quite upsetting for the child who gets nothing watching the child who gave nothing receiving one.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/12/2017 20:22

My sister gave me this quite large but also cheap market looking box of chocolates for my birthday (unwrapped without card). When I opened it to pass it round the entire inside was covered in white hairy mould, I literally dropped it, it was so disgusting. Without a hint of shame she laughed merrily and said "Oh yes. A client gave me that, its' been knocking around on the back window ledge of my car for months!!" It was the last straw and I've never bought her a present since. She once went to a relatives wedding and gave them a £10 note in a small brown office envelop with the brides scribbled on it, underneath the name Mr Khan which had been crossed out.
My point is, some people are just like that... and it just doesn't bother them.
I feel your Secret Santa should have spoken up when the plan was first mooted and said £20 was too much. And if you carry on with the scheme, you could have an extra prize for the person who gets the WORST secret santa.. so at least you'd get some reward.

Neolara · 06/12/2017 20:22

A £15 box of chocolates must be either enormous or good quality. I'd be delighted to get a slab of Hotel Chocolat chocolate, not so much a box of dairy milk. Maybe they really did think you'd like it.

HermionesRightHook · 06/12/2017 20:22

That's shit. Just say you're not interested in entering it next year.

RavingRoo · 06/12/2017 20:23

I get specialist chocolates a lot - Godiva, rare Belgian brands, Hotel Chocolate. Some of these boxes can start close to £20.

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 06/12/2017 20:27

I really want a box of chocolates now!

ChrisPrattsFace · 06/12/2017 20:29

I would have genuinely, out loud said 'not much thought gone in to this has there? everyone help yourselves' and leave them open on the side for everyone.
It was very kind of you to get a lovely thoughtful gift for someone else!
Happy Christmas!

KitKat1985 · 06/12/2017 20:31

I don't do secret santa anymore after I have been missed twice (both turned out to be for genuine reasons, but was a bit shit at the time). And the secret santa gifts I have had have tended to be generic toiletries or wine, which show so little thought. Not to mention on the flip side it can be really difficult to buy a decent gift for someone if the person you draw isn't someone you know well. Subsequently I just find it easier not to bother!

GetOrfMyBin · 06/12/2017 20:34

That’s a bit crap. Chocolate just shows no thought has really gone into it at all.

Last year I spent time and effort to get my person something they’d like. She loved it which was great. I got a costa mug with hot chocolate in it from Boots from my secret Santa (still had the 3 for 2 sticker on, so was probably a 3rd gift freebie). I very rarely drink hot drinks, never at work, so it just felt a bit meh to open that.

Have done it again this year and again have researched into getting my person something nice and that they want. The gift exchange is tomorrow and the person who is my secret Santa has been off work ill the last two weeks, with no return date. I only know this as someone on my team clocked on this person wasn’t in, checked with the organiser who they were meant to be getting for and then has had a quiet word with me today. Obviously I don’t begrudge the person off ill at all, not her fault and she’s had enough on her plate, but if my team member hadn’t asked I’d have been sitting there tomorrow without my name getting called out. I mean that’s still going to happen anyway but at least I know beforehand. Organiser didn’t even seem to have thought about checking that before my team member mentioned anything.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2017 20:39

Secret Santa is shit. Give it a miss next year and buy something nice for yourself.

walnutwhip88 · 06/12/2017 20:41

Secret Santa is always awkward and needs banning imo but tbh to be get upset about a secret santa present is a bit pathetic and in all honesty you should probably get a grip

Original poster
JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 20:41

I have decided I'm going to buy myself something nice for £20.

The chocolates aren't even ones that I like (although I suppose they wouldn't know that...). Caramels, white chocolate, cherry, orange...it is a Christmas themed pack and I think not liking them is making it feel a bit worse!

Should I take them into work tomorrow and leave them in the tea room with a note for everyone to help themselves? Grin

Lots of people are saying they would say something- I wouldn't have the nerve!! Blush

OP posts:
bandito · 06/12/2017 20:41

Oh dear. I am currently eyeballing the £10 box of chocolates I am about to wrap for next week and put in the secret santa box for a colleague. She likes chocolate, I think. I like her, but no, I haven't researched her likes and dislikes and shopped accordingly. I've been at this place since September and am working full time, studying and have 2 teenagers. I would be pretty pissed off if someone opened it and said out loud 'not much thought gone into this one.' How rude. There I was thinking it was a little novelty gift.

spreadinggirth · 06/12/2017 20:46

Secret Santa is so hard. Buy generic chocolate, wine or toiletries and you haven't put much thought in, buy a jokey one and you look like a dick.
Ours is £5 and I don't know my recipient well. She's got a very average but locally made candle.

Original poster
JollyGiraffe · 06/12/2017 20:47

Sounds great spreading! A £5 budget is hard to get something nice. I think you've done well, I would be very happy with that Smile

OP posts:
BeaLola · 06/12/2017 20:47

OP That isn't great - poor you.

I'm amazed the others haven't started leaking who they bought gifts for so you find out who drew you.

I can understand why you feel upset.

I would donate the box at the next team meeting - at least it was your secret Santa and not your sister - post upthread about the dodgy chicks from car- unbelievable

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