Can't take anymore

[icanttakeit]

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I have to get it out and can't talk to anyone irl.
I've also nc, as I know I will regret it later.

Last night me and my husband had another blazing row. I'm convinced he's on heavy drugs and now on a downer. I went to bed at 10.30 and from then until now he's been sat on the bed telling me how he's leaving, I've fucked the kids life up, I'm pathetic just like my mother etc. And in the process woken up the baby 8 times.

Bit of back story as to how I ended up here. I can't believe I'm going to say this, I've never told anyone, tried to tell OH when we first met but he wasn't bothered. He said something along the lines of that's my past and I should deal with it. Anyway, I was abused from the age of 8 up until I was 13/14.
I spent everyday terrified, and to take control back I thought I was only good for one thing (I'm sure you get the picture). I met now husband when I was 15 and because I was so desperate to escape that situation, I married him at 17, I should have seen the warning signs from the beginning, but in my rush to escape my past I over looked that.

The last 12 years have been hell on earth, I've been beaten by oh, emotionally abused to the point I've questioned my own sanity.
Honestly, it's only my 3 dc that keep me going.
Im a Sahm, have no money, no car( he's written off the one I bought with my only savings) and now I feel like I well and truly have fucked up my kids life and I will have to explain to them why daddy has gone. Because I can't keep my mouth shut.

Not really a aibu but I had to let it all out.

My family know exactly what's he's like. They've witnessed it first hand.
His family are a bunch of dicks, especially his mum. His older brother was the only one who would help in the past, but their mum threatened never to talk to him again if he got involved and took my side.

Ohffsmalcom- I will stay here until Friday, then will get my dad to pick me up after school.**

You my darling are a brave fabulous superstar! Stay strong you can do
this!
My story is this in short;
Violent Dv with EA FA MA and SA.

He had an affair while I was pregnant and got the woman pregnant
He abused drugs dragged me down he was very rich and controlled everything.
One day after he’d not been home for three days I snapped.
He wasn’t home so I said to his mum who lived with us I was going to my mum for a little holiday.
Packed a bag with at the bottom my folder full of all my important documents and certificates. Including passports and dc birth certificates and hid that at the bottom of the bag. Put all of my clothes and dds clothes that I knew I needed and liked ( all my other clothes he’s bought and made me look like a nun) and shoved them in my car. I grabbed a few toys and never looked back. I got fab a new job that is a foot on the career ladder.
My own house I didn’t have any furniture but I managed to furnish a house and make it home
I got all my old friends and family back
He stole my car and wouldn’t leg me have the rest of my stuff.
BUT hears the thing. The most important thing DD is a new child she’s so happy and I am. I’ve met a lovely new man and my life’s better than I ever thought it would be.
I’m sometimes skint which I didn’t have to worry about with ex but I’m so happy all the stress was worth it.
My mental
Health is so much better I am a strong happy women and my ex hates it. His life’s shot everyone hates him and his business has gone down the toilet. I even got a court order giving me PR and other Prohibited steps orders limiting his contact and proving in court his DV.

You can do it love PM me if you need more support

OP! I came back to see if you had updated after posting early this morning

INTERNET STRANGER I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! You’ve done the best thing for your kids and yourself. Stay strong, take any of his shit and run for the hills my love

How do I pm on the mobile site?

If you go in the little perskn icon click on it and then go Into your inbox and create a message ?

Person

Or go on the ... at the bottom of each post and it brings up links to all sorts. One is a PM link

I can't seem to find it. Maybe if you could pm me

Op, I know you are worried that things might be hard - but I promise you, the hard bit is past. The hard stuff was living with that man, seeing how it affected your kids, and leaving.

Now its just taking one step at a time. And each step will take you further from that living hell.

You are strong. You are smart. And you can and will create a better life for you and your children. One step at a time.

So pleased you're out. Please let the school know and that only you are able to pick them up. Under no circumstances can dad get them x

I have pmed you op

I can't see anything chillyegg

I’ve sent you another op

Stay strong op. You are doing amazingly.

You can PM by tapping the three dots in the bottom right corner of each post.

Btw friend of my mum's recently left her sorry excuse for a human being ex husband and she can't believe everyone was right and how at peace she is. I think he wore her down to the point she stopped being able to envision a normal life.

I’ve been where you are and it’s so hard. I would strongly recommend that you reconsider sending your children to school tomorrow, my ex arrived at the school to see if my son was there, I have no doubt if he had been then he would have taken him and there would have been nothing the school could have done to stop him (parental responsibility) the school were aware what was happening and the deputy head actually phoned me to warn me that he’d been there. Phone women’s aid and make a safety plan, refuge would also not be a bad idea. Good luck xx

Cheshirechat- I don't seem to have the 3 dots

Happysinglemum- I love your name, I hope to be just that one day soon.**
I never thought of not sending them, he has parental responsibility so yes, the teachers could send them with him.** Shit!

Just don't send them. Or talk to school x

You are brilliant OP. Well done for leaving.

What a fabulous thing to read when I checked back today. Another one who is immense proud of an internet stranger, @icanttakeit.

You should consider a namechange to "ididn'ttakeit!

Today is a new day, a bright new dawn for you and your children. Grab it and never look back!

You can do this. Police allowed me to sleep in a conference room on the floor one night as WA couldn't find a place that day. The following day I was taken to a refuge. They have little bags of toiletries they give you and towels. You will also have a bed, a separate room and bedding provided. They filled out all the paperwork for housing benefit and JSA. All I had to do was sign the bottom of the lengthy applications. Then I got my JSA. Housing benefit covered the cost of the accommodation. Pret a manger used to drop any unsold sandwiches from the previous day in at about 6am, so that was lunch sorted. You could also buy and cook your own food for dinner. I shared a small kitchen with 6 other women. Some were not the cleanest, I'll give you that, but I managed. Kitchen could have done with a good scrub, but you survive it.
It can be done.

Are you still at your uncle's? I may have missed a post or two?