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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't take anymore

329 replies

icanttakeit · 06/12/2017 05:03

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I have to get it out and can't talk to anyone irl.
I've also nc, as I know I will regret it later.

Last night me and my husband had another blazing row. I'm convinced he's on heavy drugs and now on a downer. I went to bed at 10.30 and from then until now he's been sat on the bed telling me how he's leaving, I've fucked the kids life up, I'm pathetic just like my mother etc. And in the process woken up the baby 8 times.

Bit of back story as to how I ended up here. I can't believe I'm going to say this, I've never told anyone, tried to tell OH when we first met but he wasn't bothered. He said something along the lines of that's my past and I should deal with it. Anyway, I was abused from the age of 8 up until I was 13/14.
I spent everyday terrified, and to take control back I thought I was only good for one thing (I'm sure you get the picture). I met now husband when I was 15 and because I was so desperate to escape that situation, I married him at 17, I should have seen the warning signs from the beginning, but in my rush to escape my past I over looked that.

The last 12 years have been hell on earth, I've been beaten by oh, emotionally abused to the point I've questioned my own sanity.
Honestly, it's only my 3 dc that keep me going.
Im a Sahm, have no money, no car( he's written off the one I bought with my only savings) and now I feel like I well and truly have fucked up my kids life and I will have to explain to them why daddy has gone. Because I can't keep my mouth shut.

Not really a aibu but I had to let it all out.

OP posts:
MrsMotherHen · 06/12/2017 15:23

Good luck xx

rainbowstardrops · 06/12/2017 15:28

Sending you good luck wishes Flowers

flirtygirl · 06/12/2017 15:31

Good luck op. You can do it.Flowers

TinselCrack · 06/12/2017 15:51

Best of luck, OP

bastardkitty · 06/12/2017 16:47

Be safe. You can do this x

Original poster
icanttakeit · 06/12/2017 17:32

He's making it so hard for me, he turned up at my uncles. He must have known I was there as they are the only people I can turn to here.
I could hear it all from inside. Uncle telling him to think of the kids they can hear him kicking off and now his response was disgusting he said 'what kids? I don't have any kids'. My middle dc heard this. He's 5 next week, which 5 year old wants to hear that. My oldest is a mummy's boy but middle dc has always been so attached to his dad.

The police have been called.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 06/12/2017 17:37

Good. He's making it EASY for you. He is a abusive manipulative pig who thinks of no one except himself. Your poor DCs. You are liberating them from his abuse.

spunkymom22 · 06/12/2017 17:38

Oh Gawd! I hope your uncle is really strong and steadfast.
Flowers

Are you sure STBX isn't tracking you online? And do remember, shelter is still an option - as far away as possible!!

Original poster
icanttakeit · 06/12/2017 17:39

He wants a fresh life but then in the same breath says he will make mine hell.
The tears have started again, he's a sick bastard and for the first time I can actually say I hate him.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 06/12/2017 17:40

Stay strong Op, don't be afraid to call on help and protection from all sides, this is not the time to not want to bother someone...tell friends, be ready to call the police and think really carefully before going anywhere he can get at you.....
You have done the hard bit now just keep going...sending you hugs

Original poster
icanttakeit · 06/12/2017 17:41

I don't think it's possible for him to track me, he uses standard phones, and I've always had to help with anything he does online.

It's pathetic how I allowed him to reduce me to this, I was a smart girl, I could have been anything I wanted to.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 06/12/2017 17:42

You still are and you still can!

ohfourfoxache · 06/12/2017 17:45

Right - update your last sentence:

You are a smart woman and you will be anything you want to be

I believe in you x

passionflower50 · 06/12/2017 17:47

My daughter was in an abusive relationship for 8 years kept going back to him it got to the point he wouldn't allow kids to go to school in case they told someone what he was doing it was the best thing she ever did getting away from him .You are strong you can do this just think about your children hope you have the strength to get through it will be thinking of you and your children xxxx

TrinitySquirrel · 06/12/2017 17:48
Flowers
Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 06/12/2017 17:55

All the best op, you are a strong person Flowers

cordeliavorkosigan · 06/12/2017 18:06

You are strong. when you need to find that anger again, you can add what he said about your DC to the list of shitty things - easier to describe than some of the other stuff and still so shitty.

to echo ohfour: you ARE smart and you WILL be anything you want to be. starting with being a fab parent, and away from this toxic arse.

Badbadtromance · 06/12/2017 18:07

Stay strong. I too have been in an abusive relationship

Dragongirl10 · 06/12/2017 18:16

Op Just because you have been in this situation and you are understandably scared now....THAT IS ALREADY BEHIND YOU, YOU HAVE LEFT,
be glad, as however tough it gets you have got yourself and Dcs away from this monstrous man.
In time you will get yourselves sorted with a home, finances will be sorted and then you can start focussing on the future you envisaged for yourself.

There is a much better life for you..even if it takes some time.

you can still build a great future for you and your dCS

BadTasteFlump · 06/12/2017 18:45

You are a smart woman and you will be anything you want to be

Absolutely this! I'm guessing you're in your late twenties - the same age I was when I left my ex. Up until that point I had allowed him to dictate so much of my life that I had no friends left, no job and no home of my own. I then got a flat, completed a college course, started a new career and, in time, met and married DH and had more DC.

That dark period in my life seems such a long time ago now - trust me, you are so young and you have so much life ahead of you compared to the years that have gone - you can still do anything you want to Flowers

TinselCrack · 06/12/2017 18:46

Now is the start of a fresh, new chapter OP. You have done it. Keep talking in here and get it all out. When you read it back you'll gain even more clarity. You're amazing and strong.

Original poster
icanttakeit · 06/12/2017 19:13

I'm 28 next year. But still 22 in my mind, so much so I have to think about it when asked my age.

OP posts:
AnotherExWife · 06/12/2017 19:14

You can do this op. You and your beautiful children deserve better. I'm a year out of a long abusive relationship and my children and me are so much happier. I'm rooting for you x

Original poster
icanttakeit · 06/12/2017 19:23

I was planning on going back today to get some stuff but I can't do that now. Not with him still being in the mood that he is in. The police have taken a statement.
They have said to call them tomorrow when I go back and they will be there while I get my things.

Dc are going to breakfast club in the morning so hopefully won't run into him if he decides to go the school in the morning. Will then arrange to pick them up earlier.

OP posts:
BulletFox · 06/12/2017 19:27

Keep your strength up (eat, woman! Know it's tricky when stressed) and make sure all family and friends know about what he's done.

Practicalities first, then you can unpick the emotional hurt over time. You're so young and have a lot of life to lead x

Just imagine being with him at 50 and completely burnt out, that should be impetus Smile