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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How unreasonable was my understandable (in my opinion) behaviour

80 replies

MrsCrabbyTree · 06/12/2017 02:54

A memory from 15+ years ago came to mind when talking with a friend last night. Friend and I can't decide whether my behaviour was unreasonable. It certainly was understandable.

I was invited to a co-workers' wedding and was asked if I would collect and drive 2 couples who were coming from out of town and was happy to do so, as we were all friends, until, someone dropped the fact I was only invited so they would save money on taxi fares. Sure I was a little hurt but their behaviour at the wedding hurt the most.

The wedding reception was a cocktail evening, no seating, with waiters coming around with finger food. Everyone stood around in groups of friends. My friends disappeared after a while. I started to feel terribly awkward by myself.

I found a few days after the wedding that the other couples had left the reception to go one of the bars - part of the building but separate businesses to the reception room. After 4 hours and not knowing where they were they were, I was still standing by myself like the proverbial wallflower. I couldn't drink more than a glass or two as I was the designated driver. Wine would have helped me not care!!

So I left, as I felt crap in so many ways, and because I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Left so-called friends to find their own way back to the motel where they were staying.

Would you have done the same as me or not?

OP posts:

LineysRunner · 06/12/2017 02:58

I'm glad you left. Good for you.

AmeliaFlashtart · 06/12/2017 02:58

Probably yes and before 4 hours was up.

0DB · 06/12/2017 02:59

Not unreasonable. I think it's great. Good for you. They invited you to only drive not as an actual guest. You were dumped to stand about on your own. In my eyes you did the only logical thing.

What was the aftermath to this?

Don't feel guilty if you do.

2bluestars · 06/12/2017 03:01

Only unreasonable to stay as long as you did...

laudanum · 06/12/2017 03:02

I would have told them to bugger off the moment you found out you'd only been invited to save other people money on taxi fares. They treated you like utter shit.

flumpybear · 06/12/2017 03:05

Definitely not BU! Good for you leaving but I would have left earlier, and asked them for money for fuel too!!

Original poster

MrsCrabbyTree · 06/12/2017 03:10

The friend I was with last night said I should have been the bigger person and stayed and driven them back to motel like I promised. Happy to have others saying that they would have left too. Thanks guys.

ODP: Would you believe there was no friendship after the wedding although I stayed friends with my friend (the bride) for a while till she disappeared when the marriage broke up after a few months.

OP posts:

yorkshireyummymummy · 06/12/2017 03:11

They were not your friends.
They were very big CF's.
I hope they are not your 'friends ' any more.

WanderingTrolley1 · 06/12/2017 03:15

Not unreasonable at all. I’m amazed you stayed that long, tbh.

mathanxiety · 06/12/2017 03:15

Oh what a horrible thing they did to you. SO glad you left.

I hope you are able to look back on this without cringing or feeling small. You didn't deserve to be treated like that.

hevonbu · 06/12/2017 03:22

You said it yourself: "...as we were all friends, until, someone dropped the fact I was only invited so they would save money on taxi fares." The first mistake seems to be they didn't ask you to join them when they moved on to the bar, but instead rather left you standing where you were, like putting an umbrella in an umbrella stand and expecting it to be there when they decided to leave, and the second obstacle is that you stayed there for so long out of loyalty to your friends. The original deal ought to have been, perhaps, that you drove them there but that they'd be responsible for getting their own taxi to get back to the hotel. Being alone and totally sober at a party where you don't know anybody and everyone else is having drinks and having fun - that can make you feel really miserable, like you're really, really excluded and alone and nobody cares enough about you to notice.

Want2bSupermum · 06/12/2017 03:23

No they were using you. What a horrible and mean thing to do. Happy to hear you left them there.

Hidingtonothing · 06/12/2017 03:25

They treated you like shit and you stopped letting them, nothing unreasonable about that at all. I think you'd have more cause to think you'd been unreasonable or feel bad about this incident if you had waited and driven them back tbh, at least you can say you had self respect. I hope you have nicer friends now OP

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2017 03:31

They were acting atrociously. You were U to wait so long. How did you find out you were the unpaid taxi?

Gaudeamus · 06/12/2017 04:58

I don't really see what else you could have done, given you had no idea where they were.

If you duplicitously persuade someone to give you a free lift, you dump that person at your own risk.

Shoxfordian · 06/12/2017 05:03

I wouldn't have done the same as you- presumably you knew the bride or groom and they invited you? What would that have to do with lifts? Or were you a plus one? Anyway you could have spoken to some of the other guests and tried to have fun rather than just standing in a corner sulking.

Katedotness1963 · 06/12/2017 05:10

I'd have left them much earlier!

OhforfucksakeFay · 06/12/2017 05:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MrsCrabbyTree · 06/12/2017 05:30

@Shoxforian - It was the bride who wanted the lift for the others and who accidentally let slip the reason why I had been invited. The only people I knew at the wedding was the bride, the groom only a little, and the wives of the two couples. I tried to chat to other guests but I could hardly follow them as they moved off to get a drink or dance. Trust me, for a quiet reserved person, it was a long time to be alone with strangers, all of whom had mutual friends. I was there by myself - no plus one - wouldn't have been enough room in my car of course! My memory says I kept smiling. Hate the thought that I may have come across as rude and sulky.

In my next life, I plan to be an extrovert who has lots of confidence.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/12/2017 05:30

You absolutely did the right thing. They treated you like an unpaid taxi service. Not a friend or person. Did you give the couple a gift?

Original poster

MrsCrabbyTree · 06/12/2017 05:34

@FFSFay. Hope your DH apologised.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 06/12/2017 05:35

Ah ok

If you found that out before the reception though then maybe would have been best not to go at all. Stand up for yourself a bit more and you won't be in these situations.

Sorry for implying you were sulking; sounded like it from your post but it can be difficult to get talking if you're quite reserved and can't drink!

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2017 05:38

The bride? Wow. She'd better hope there's no karma in this world if that's the way she planned her wedding!

Original poster

MrsCrabbyTree · 06/12/2017 05:49

In hindsight I guess I should have changed my mind and not attended, but, if I remember correctly I didn't wish to come across as petty person, both to them and our other co-workers, by doing that. And also I had no idea of what would transpire at the reception.

OP posts:

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 06/12/2017 05:54

You were completely reasonable. It's a shame you stuck around for so long, but you were treated appallingly and you were right to leave.

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