Mothers with enormous toddlers in slings...

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

AIBU to wonder how the feck they manage?

My neighbour has just walked past my window with her son dangling in front of her like a bloody giant in a harness!

He's almost 4! No SEN and very sturdy/capable.

We live in a tiny town/village and she can drive etc....she's probably just going to the shop down the road.

Why??

Luckily they've always been good walkers or I'd have been stuffed.

It depends completely on lifestyle though doesn't it? If you have 10 minutes to get to the shop and back in order to get your breakfast and get to work on time, 3 yr old speed might not cut it, however "good" a walker. Or if your good walker had been climbing mountains all day even they might just be tired by tea time. Or if it's just coming up to nap time but you forgot to get any milk in. Or ...

So you might pop them in the car, or the pushchair. Or if slings suited your family better, you might pop them in the sling. (And by that age it's likely to be a purpose made preschooler-sized carrier, not something that was ever intended for a baby.) It's just another option that suits some people. No-one's saying it suits everyone.

I carried my youngest in a ring sling on my left hip until he was nearly five. He's only a wee mite, built like a three year old, but I am also smallish, and don't look tough enough.

Slings can be surprisingly comfortable. Pushing a stroller gives me backache, but carrying a child in a sling is fine.

Nope. No way. My 3yo needs to learn to walk next to me. Not in a damn sling. Not that my back would survive anyway

Lordy - and still the judgey ones keep on coming.
Why does it matter? What difference does it make to you (or the child in question if you are soooo concerned about their welfare) if a parent decides to put them in a sling sometimes?

unless they have a disability or sen, children over the age of about 2, can and should be walking most of the time. Unless there’s a very good reason.

I have to say I do agree, OP, but then I speak as someone who hasn’t picked up/carried their almost 8 year old since she was 6 months old due to a serious back injury (I’m possibly a bit jealous!).

Why should they be walking? What harm does it do if they don't walk all the time?
Can you tell the difference between dc thay walk all the time and those that have bee in slings or buggies or cars once they reach adulthood?

Thankyou PolarBear! Xx

poooooooop
I am focusing on the things that can happen to women thanks to the role of beast of burden on top of pregnancy and childbirth. Many older hikers and backpackers are men, or women who may not have had children or just one or two, and even if they went through pregnancy and childbirth, maybe those women didn't carry their children around until age 4 or 5 either. You can't use the existence of older backpackers as evidence that women in particular are not exposing themselves to pelvic floor problems by carrying older, heavy children around.

I carried one of my DCs around constantly to about age 3. She wouldn't be put down. I had a back carrier and she sat in it while I did housework, cooked, shopped, took the family to the pool or the park or to the local shop or the library. She was a happier child when she ventured off on her own two feet, and we learned to bond and develop our relationship in ways other than the physical bond of being carried.

Buttfacedmiscreant
Even in a well designed backpack or sling, a twist or a stumble can have a bad effect if you are carrying someone who weighs a few stone. You are more likely to have a more serious fall if you do stumble because your centre of gravity is different while carrying a heavy child.

Plus you run the risk of crushing the child.

I don't suppose anyone could recommend a sling for a 2.5 year old? Would be much appreciated .

I've been thinking about why I think it's innapropriate past a certain age....and I think it's because it infantalizes the child. A child of 4 plus needs to learn to walk and to manage independently.

They can scoot or ride a bike if they get tired...it's needlessly babying them...and I suspect that people who do it with over 3 year olds simply don't want to move on from the baby portion of their child's life.

And to clarify I am talking about "baby wearing" a child on your front in an urban sitution.

Not piggybacking a 4 year old up a mountain.

AppleBarrel Wed 06-Dec-17 16:18:21
^I do think children can cope with walking more if they have to.
But obviously if they know that you have a sling in your bag, or you are pushing an empty pushchair along, they are going to ask to have a ride.^

YYY to this, AppleBarrel.
This is why my DCs were often on my hip and not in any particular piece of equipment, until I would tell them they needed to play or sit down if they were tired. 5 DCs, on average 2.5 years between each one = several times on the hip each day for older baby and toddler for about 13 years. During the 'Fourth Trimester' I carried them pretty much constantly. As mentioned, I used the back carrier for the one who was the squeakiest wheel well beyond that.

And YYY to your observation about bags of snacks too. I never brought anything but water and the DCs managed to survive without grazing. My 'changing bag' was my own handbag, with a couple of nappies, a little baggie of wipes, a rolled up hand towel and a bottle of water along with my wallet and a few tissues. I did extended breastfeeding so they could also do that if they really needed to recharge.

I had a very basic late 1980s stroller with no cupholders that folded back into a sort of pram, followed by an umbrella style stroller, the most minimal thing on the market. So no sipping coffee or munching for me either while out and about.

Horses for courses though papaya- DD1 couldn't walk until she was nearly 2- there's no way she could have walked almost everywhere at 2- and she still can't scoot at almost 4. We don't have a car so walk loads. She'll still hop into a pushchair for a nap on a long day out. Her 15 month old sibling though- already prefers walking to the sling. Hates naps.

I do quite often find that sling/buggy shamers have a car. Or spend the majority of their time very local. I don't mind having a standoff over the sling in a local park. I do in a central London station with rush hour rapidly approaching.

"A child of 4 plus needs to learn to walk and to manage independently."
That's not a toddler though as per your OP. Are you going to say you meant tweens all along lol?

When we went for long walks on holiday or on weekend trips and our older dc was able to walk much more than 3 year old dc2 back slinging was the only way to make such a walk possible. We did mostly public footpaths, good luck with a stroller or forcing your dc to walk 5 km when they may not feel they have any energy left after 4.

You're a funny one op, and rather a little silly but if judging is fun for you keep going we all need our hobbies. My eldest dc is one of the runners at her school, and probably one of the most athletic girls in her year yet she too was carried in a sling when needed until she was 3/ 4. I loved it, they loved it. Say OP did you ever go walking long distances with your 3 year old?

As for never brining any snacks tut tut. EBfF is all well and good, i fed dc2 until 2 years of age but if i hadn't brought some fruit crackers etc on our outings they would not have lasted. Plus it's nice to eat when you have had fun outside, it doesn't have to be sweets or shite.

oh op and whilst at it my dbf dc who sat in a sling if they needed to until age 4 also rode the bike without stabilisers at 4, your reasoning is a little fanciful.

Lego I was being generous when I said toddler in my OP as the woman I was referring to has a child of almost 4 and I know that on MN people think under 4 is a toddler. Well...some people do.

And yes Lego I did walk long distances with both my DC. I can't drive and live quite rurally so it was necassary. They both rode those little bikes with a handle and then a scooter.

"Even in a well designed backpack or sling, a twist or a stumble can have a bad effect if you are carrying someone who weighs a few stone. You are more likely to have a more serious fall if you do stumble because your centre of gravity is different while carrying a heavy child."

This is just as true if you pick your child up for short periods of time or if your husband carries a sleeping child out to the car. If anything I'd say it was probably more dangerous in some ways because you don't have your arms free to grab onto something to save yourself.

Also I am quite able to trip over without carrying something/someone, it makes no difference, my mother used to say that "given no obstacles I could trip over the pattern in the carpet"

As for the infantalising young children, so what if it does. My kids went to school and managed quite well. My older one had a bottle long past it being socially acceptable (once a day with milk in when he woke up just like dad in bed with a coffee) and somehow managed to go to uni without it.

As pp said, once they are at school they cannot expect to be carried once they get a bit tired, they need to be used to walking themselves. DS1 is just 5 and has walked everywhere from 3, he can confidently hike 4miles across fields without moaning or he rides his bike. DS2 is 16months and goes on my back, he doesn’t walk yet and is small for his age but I would rather have him on my back than front as his legs effect my walking gait and give me hip ache.

My dd learnt to walk perfectly fine thank you very much. She also could ride a bike without stabilisers at 3. She isn't a baby and I don't treat her like one, but she does get tired when we're walking and the skin comes in handy.
Op I agree with you that wearing a child on the front at 4 is odd, and uncomfortable.
But I don't not understand the problem with young children being carried occasionally?.....
Can you honestly say you'd notice the difference between a 15yr old who was carried in a sling until aged 5, compared to one that wasn't?

Buttfaced, the longer you do it, and the more frequently, the more chance you have of a fall or stumble or pulling something through awkward twisting. It is just statistically more likely.
You have a certain chance of being hit by a bus. but if you walk out on a road that is also used by buses every day your chances increase.

Tripping without a child in a sling or on your back is beside the point. With a child in a sling the child risks injury, and with a heavy child in front or on your back your centre of gravity is affected. You are more top heavy.

What does a parent get from infantilising a child? What does the child get?

I think it's because it infantalizes the child. A child of 4 plus needs to learn to walk and to manage independently.

So show me the adult that has been 'infantilised' as a child then .....
How do you know the 4 year old hasn't learnt to walk and manage independently? I'd wager that the 'slinged' child is far more independent than a child that is largely ferried by car.

I walk to the park with DS1 (5yo) on his scooter and DS2 (3yo) on his balance bike - it's about a mile. They tear around the park for an hour - on bike/scooter, feeding ducks, going to the playground, kicking their rugby ball around. The mile walk home is uphill. Since 3yo DS2 has pretty much done the equivalent of three miles on foot or bike by this stage, he's tired. He cannot ride a mile home uphill on his bike, so he goes on my back in the sling. I have two hands free so I can carry his balance bike and give DS1 a little push on his scooter if he needs it as he, too, is getting tired after a lot of exercise.

Which part of this is infantilising, exactly? How should I get rid of the sling in this scenario OP so that it doesn't offend you, while still getting my children home?

Tiredmumno1 - I have the Lillebaby and have had it since he was three, I can still easily carry him now in it at five.

To everyone judging - we didn’t use our pushchair much and finally sold it when my son was 2. I carried him a lot when he was a baby and he was a great walker - could walk two miles easily twice a day at 2 - a fact his childminder frequently commented on. Being in a sling doesn’t mean a child can’t walk decent distances, it can simply mean the distance to be travelled is greater than their capability.

But sometimes we needed to walk further than say four miles so we had the sling. People did feel the need to judge, despite the fact they had no idea how far we walked that day. My son is small so is light, I’m not particularly strong but can carry him for hours. A well designed sling is more comfortable than a backpack. I’ve carried a 15kg backpack for hours too so I know.

We don’t use it much now, I bring it on long walks just in case but it’s more likely to be borrowed by other parents for their younger, tired children, who’d otherwise end up being carried. It completely came into its own two years ago at Glastonbury as there’s no way my then three year old could have walked the distances through the mud we did, and particularly in crowds, plus it meant he wasn’t overtired when we did get to see the acts we wanted.

We live in London and never used a pushchair on the tube, but in the event of an emergency I know I could get out of the stationore quickly and safely with him on my back which just wouldn’t be possible in a pushchair.

So OP, hope that sheds some light.

@Tiredmumno1 I have a LennyLamb for my toddler which I love, know people who also love the toddler Tula or the toddler Integra (used to be Connecta) I'd really like a Wompat.

All those brands (bar the Tula I think) do baby, toddler and pre-schooler size carriers.

I’d try them on at a sling library to get the right one for you. Personally I don’t like the connecta ones as I prefer a more padded waist!