Pancreatic. F**king. Cancer

[cheeriosatdawn]

I've probably offended the powers that be with the title, but I'm in a (very) dark place and it's all I have right now.

My mother was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And by "just" I mean that I learned about the diagnosis about four hours ago.

After some frantic googling, I'm more aware than ever that I know nothing about this disease. I know nothing about treatment, I know nothing about when it makes sense to skip treatment and make the (oh God) last months easier. I. Know. Nothing.

I don't even have the right questions to ask of her doctors.

And, of course, I'm devastated, which means that, well: I'm even more gormless and useless and unhelpful.

But then I go back to google and what I read is basically that my mother will be gone within the year. That this is, no matter what we do, my mother's last Christmas.

God. The writing of that is unspeakably, well: unspeakable.

So: mumsnet: am I unreasonable in feeling that this is just a death sentence for my mother? Does anyone know anything about this appalling diagnosis that they're willing to share?

It it so shit and I'm sorry to hear your news. I know someone going through this just now but she got her diagnosis too late to treat. She is living with it at home and is very comfortable. Her family are able to spend lots of time with her and she has all her affairs in order. Her family are supporting all her decisions and making the most of the time they can spend with her.

Google nothing, have a cry, tantrum, scream whatever suits, make this moment about you and how you feel, ignore criticism, other needy family including the kids and just for a moment think about how this news will impact your life. Then think again and draw strength

I'm so sorry. It really is a bastard disease, I lost my dad to it a few years ago. Google isn't always a bad thing, but I would hold off until you know what stage the cancer is at and whether it has metastasised, otherwise the stories/ information you find may not be relevant to your mum.

nothing to add except be kind to yourselfx

Oh goodness I’m so very sorry OP. My advise would be to keep a note book near you and write down questions as they come to you. Advise your DM to do the same. It’s so hard, I’ve been there when s parent gets a terminal diagnosis (luckily in my case my DF reacted very well to a new experimental treatment) and know what it feels like to feel like the world is happening round you. As hard as it is try and create a positive environment for you and your family. Best wishes to all of you

I'm so sorry about your devastating news. Your title is very apt.

My Dad was diagnosed with it and did have the whipple but still devastatingly died 2.5 months from diagnosis. I think we had an overly optimistic surgeon and it unfortunately made his last few months very limiting and with no quality. He died the day after his first chemo hit.

My hindsight of 7 years is that I wish he hadn't had any of the treatment because he had very few moments of pleasure from that very first date of diagnosis. However, he had hope, so who am I to say? It was his choice.

I don't think this cancer has an obvious treatment path that has any guarantees. I really hope your mum is one of the lucky ones.

Sending you love

Im another one going through it, Dad got diagnosed 2 years ago and is still here.. had the whipple operation and seemed to be doing ok until it came back in Aug and is terminal
Hes just had chemo and we find out just before Xmas whether its done any good.. its an evil cancer I agree so sorry about your Mum

I am so sorry. I lost my younger brother to cancer (not pancreatic). We had 14 months with him from diagnosis to the day he passed.

The grief and shock are tremendous - treat yourself very gently. Don't hold back the tears, don't try and be strong. And let others help you and comfort you. Over the course of the next year or so, amongst that awful grief and hopelessness, you will find strength and love in places you never thought, from friends and strangers alike.

I am thinking of you

Sorry to hear this news, it must be so devastating. Stop googling and see what the specialist says. I would suggest you take a look at high grade medical cannabis oil. You can buy it legally in the UK. Also think about a alkaline diet. I am not suggesting she stops or doesn't start any medical treatment, but take a look. Simple things that can make a difference to life expectancy. Bug hugs (( ))

I'm so sorry. My MIL was given 5 months to live in early 2016, her funeral was this week. She had some chemo but it wasn't sucessful and it made her so ill. She was pretty well right up until a couple of weeks before her death and died at home with her husband and children with her.

Sorry to hear this, it really is a fucking bastard cancer. My children's dad was diagnosed in time for the whipple, but it came back a year later. Fortunately we got 4 years from 1st diagnosis until he died, which meant the children were old enough to remember him.

I felt the need to know everything and Googled extensively, but really it was just torturing myself as I just wanted to know 'when', but tht was an answer Google xould never tell me.

I hope the next few months are as gentle as possible. We had 3 potential last Christmases, the best advice I can give is to try and live as much in the present as possible x

Cancer is a sneaky fucking bastard, I have no experience of pancreatic cancer, but I do of Breast Cancer (me).

Stay off google & only go to Cancer Research & Macmillan sites. Full of useful information. Make a list of questions you have & spend all the time you can with your lovely Mum. Sending love to you & your family x

I was in tears reasing your OP, i could feel the pain in your post. No advice but sending prayers and hope your way

Oh

It’s a fucker that one.

Very sorry to hear your news and I hope you can get support from the charities concerned. Someone close to my family suffered this and I can’t imagine...

I dont know if this is helpful but 5 or 6 years ago my friends mum got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she was 78 and the first they knew of it was when she went jaundiced, so it was pretty late on, and they were told it didnt look good and gave her 6-12 months.
This year she celebrated her 83rd birthday. She had a big operation (a whipple i think) some chemo and she had to make some quite dramatic dietry changes for a hwile, but she is still here, alive and well and has even got a cruise booked for next summer
I dont know if age made any difference because i think its more slow growing the older you are but i hope it gives you some hope for the future.

My MIL is having chemo for pancreatic cancer at the moment. I think she must have been caught early as she had an op, has had no symptoms and is now having treatment. She is nearly 80 and despite feeling ok is struggling with the chemo a bit so may stop sessions early.

I don't know what the prognosis is, but I would guess it is ok.

I feel for you OP, how far along the line is she?

So sorry. Losing your mum is the pits. Xx

Do you have a hospice near you? When my mum got cancer the second time our local hospice were amazing getting her pain under control so she could come home like she wanted. Do have a look to see what assistance is available should you need it

No useful knowledge to share, but can offer a supportive handhold.

So sorry to hear this Cheerios. I lost my dad and FIL to pancreatic cancer. We didn't even know my dad had it, as it wasn't diagnosed until they did a post mortem after he died suddenly.

I'm living with cancer (cervical). I found the booklets written by Macmillan were very helpful in explaining different things. I got mine from the hospital, but I think you can order them from the website, and Boots usually have some too.

Have a look to see if you have a Maggie's Centre near you. They support cancer patients and their families.

Giving you a handhold.