Pancreatic. F**king. Cancer

[cheeriosatdawn]

I've probably offended the powers that be with the title, but I'm in a (very) dark place and it's all I have right now.

My mother was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And by "just" I mean that I learned about the diagnosis about four hours ago.

After some frantic googling, I'm more aware than ever that I know nothing about this disease. I know nothing about treatment, I know nothing about when it makes sense to skip treatment and make the (oh God) last months easier. I. Know. Nothing.

I don't even have the right questions to ask of her doctors.

And, of course, I'm devastated, which means that, well: I'm even more gormless and useless and unhelpful.

But then I go back to google and what I read is basically that my mother will be gone within the year. That this is, no matter what we do, my mother's last Christmas.

God. The writing of that is unspeakably, well: unspeakable.

So: mumsnet: am I unreasonable in feeling that this is just a death sentence for my mother? Does anyone know anything about this appalling diagnosis that they're willing to share?

I don’t 100% agree with stepping away from google, I actually found it very helpful. My
Mum’s nurses and doctor are not the best at communication and I had a lot of unanswered questions, especially in terms of practical things we can do. I found google to be a good resource of information. I had dozens of questions that wouldn’t let me sleep and the doctor kept saying wait and see or something like that. Finding out answers/statistics helped me.

I am so sorry OP, how utterly devastating. Like a PP said, there is always someone on Mumsnet, day or night should you need a hand to hold and a place to talk freely.

Supporting your mum is crucial but you also need support and care. Have you got a friend/partner that can help?

If this is to be your mums last Christmas, go all out, do all the things she wants to do. It will be sad, there will be many tears but make it how you both want it.

Like another poster said, record her voice, her smile, her laugh. I lost my fiancé 8 years ago very suddenly and I have nothing but pictures. I would do anything to see him smile, not just the picture but the action.

Be kind to yourself (and step away from google!!)

The Macmillan crew are great. I rang them about something starting off with “ this sounds a silly question” to get the answer “ there are no silly questions with cancer”.

Ask them what you should be asking, if you want...

Thinking of you.

Sad news - so sorry you are going through this.

I hope that this knowledge will give you the time to spend with her and to talk together.

@cheeriosatdawn lots of varied responses.

Bet I'm not the only one in tears.
How you doing?

So very sorry to read this. Cancer is indeed an utter bastard. 💐

What a horrible shock! I'm so sorry.

OP get off google.

My mum had pancreatic cancer, having been told she wasn't likely to last more than a year she is in remission and has been for about 2 years now, it was tough and I am amazed by mums strength. Your mums diagnosis is still very new, you need to wait and find out her options and what she wants before you drive yourself mad with Dr Google.

Chris Rea (singer: Driving Home for Christmas) was diagnosed in 2001 I think, he is still here!
My DF had pancreatic cancer and succumbed 3 months later, I was 18.
I know that specialists are working tirelessly on this devastating disease.

So terribly sorry to hear this, OP. Big hugs from the other side of the world, and you will be my thoughts. x

My mum died of cancer - they never really worked out what it was. She was only diagnosed the day before she died. I didn't know she was terminally ill until 5 hours before she did die.

However much time you have can never be enough, but you do have some time. Say everything to her you need to say. Do all the things you've been meaning to and putting off.

And hopefully she will be at the good end of the shitty cancer bell curve, like the mum of someone I know who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 9 years ago and is still going strong, many ops and treatments later.

Hi op. My partners mother passed away from pancreatic cancer a few years ago. She choose to have no treatment after a few first doses of chemo. She lived half a year after her diagnosis.

One thing I take from there is that hospice care is very important. She unfortunately was in pain much of the time because her hospice care was rubbish. You should think about this as soon as you are able to. Don’t leave it to the last moment, there is really choice (ie home versus hospital and different providers).

As opposed to other posters I would suggest you get all the information you can (yes using google) and don’t rely on the“doctors” or “nurses” to decide for you. Doctors aren’t gods and you are the only person who has just your mothers best interests in mind. The truth of it is that aside from rare cases yes, this disease is fatal within a year. You already know this, so try to learn how to best help your mom now. I would suggest learning and enrollment in a clinical trial if you feel you might be interested. There are many, ask about them or even google.
Best of luck

And apologies I also meant to say I'm so sorry for your mum, and you

Hello op

I have personal experience of this disease. It is true that the survival rates are low but there is always hope. Some people do survive or live with the cancer for years depending on where the tumour is and how far it has spread. I'm one of them.

You are in shock at the moment, I truly know how you feel. Mine was caught early enough that I was able to have surgery to remove it and I'm still here 8 years later.

It's not an easy journey. Ask lots of questions and support your mum as much as you can. There is a fab website for Pancreatic Cancer Action which is a charity founded by a survivor. They have lots of info, support and help. It really helped me.

If there is anything you would like to ask me just let me know. Sending you and your mum very best wishes.

Hello op. So sorry to hear your horrid news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear Mum.

So sorry to hear this. My mum had cancer that spread. I had no idea of the long term prognosis as she hid it from me. She was here for 13 months after diagnosis.

Google won't help. Macmillan and other specialist cancer services can.

The best advice i can offer is just to do whatever you can to make as much time as possible To spend with her. Also respect her choices re treatment. Support her where you can. Don't be afraid to feel. Cry, get mad, whatever you need to do to get through it.

My mum stopped her chemo. I was devastated but she knew it was just giving her an extra few months at most but was meaning the time she had was spent feeling utterly terrible. She stopped just before Christmas and that time I felt like I truly had my mum with me again. She felt much better than she had in months and enjoyed her last few months far more than the ones straight after diagnosis. She was happy and her pain well managed right up to the end. It's the best I could have wished for her.

I hope you can enjoy your time together and that this journey is as peaceful, painfree and long as possible for her.

I too had to google. It pointed me to cancer research and Macmillan plus there’s a forum for pancreatic cancer that’s also very useful.

Google can sometimes be a help but try to be aware it may not be as up to date as it should be and so on at times.

Sending you love. Please be open to real life sympathy and kindness. I was never that type of person until I went through a difficult time and it was the support from completely unexpected places that got me through xxx

My Dad had pancreatic cancer too, am sending you an enormous hug and

I'm another one saying there's no need to step away from Google if you don't want to. I wish it had been around when my Dad was ill as information was hard to come by then, and I would have wanted to know what was likely to happen, it would have been really useful. Ignorance isnt necessarily bliss, and with pancreatic cancer, unfortunately the outcome doesn't vary much from person to person.

All I'd say is spend as much time together as you can, and understand from your lovely Mum how she wants everyone around her to be. My Dad didnt want to talk about it at all, another family member with a different cancer but the same prognosis wanted to talk openly about what was happening. Neither is wrong, just take your lead from her. xx

I asked my friend whose mother had it for something that might be useful, and she said that she found this website helpful, as it's a foundation set up to help sufferers of pancreatic cancer, and it has lots of links to resources:

www.rolfefoundation.org/index.php/for-patients-families/local-and-national-resources

This thread is so sad, the OP of course, and everyone else who has lost someone they love or has someone they love fighting cancer. Fucking fucking awful disease :(

cheerio. I'm so, so sorry. My mum had pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed New Year's Eve 2013. You've been given some good advice upthread. Do contact the helpline a PP linked to. The website also has a very supportive and active forum.

Do also try to attend the specialist appointments and get as much expert information as you can.

Some people do survive quite a long time. Sadly my mum's cancer was very advanced by time it was diagnosed. I do hope for better news for you.

My heart goes out to you, your mum and the rest of,your family.

Will keep checking in on this thread. We're here if you need to talk/vent.

I'm so very sorry.

A friend's partner took part in a very controversial pancreatic cancer awareness campaign a couple of years ago. So many people don't know the signs & its mis-diagnosis/late diagnosis that means there is such a low survival rate.

Sending lots of love - lost my mum to a rare and deadly form of stomach cancer which spread, and i know a little about pancreatic cancer as a good friend Lost her sister to it a few years ago.

So much will depend on the stage of the disease and other factors and nothing online will be able to tell you this. I did find the Macmillan forums an amazing source of support through my mums illness.

I’ve recently seen signs on the backs of doors in the ladies loos at services trying to raise awareness alex

It also gets very little funding compared so something like breast cancer. When we held the funeral we asked for donations to a pancreatic research foundation not flowers.