Pancreatic. F**king. Cancer

[cheeriosatdawn]

I've probably offended the powers that be with the title, but I'm in a (very) dark place and it's all I have right now.

My mother was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And by "just" I mean that I learned about the diagnosis about four hours ago.

After some frantic googling, I'm more aware than ever that I know nothing about this disease. I know nothing about treatment, I know nothing about when it makes sense to skip treatment and make the (oh God) last months easier. I. Know. Nothing.

I don't even have the right questions to ask of her doctors.

And, of course, I'm devastated, which means that, well: I'm even more gormless and useless and unhelpful.

But then I go back to google and what I read is basically that my mother will be gone within the year. That this is, no matter what we do, my mother's last Christmas.

God. The writing of that is unspeakably, well: unspeakable.

So: mumsnet: am I unreasonable in feeling that this is just a death sentence for my mother? Does anyone know anything about this appalling diagnosis that they're willing to share?

YANBU. I am so so sorry. But in many bad situations you can find solace.you know that she is going to die. This is a chance that you may not have got. You have every right to be angry but don't do it now. There will be time for that later, after. Make this time that you have together about celebrating what you've had. Tell her that you love her. That you are thankful to her, for her. Don't waste a single day on anger. These are your days. I know it doesn't feel like much in the face of a lifetime without her but in years to come you will look back on this time and be so, so glad that you made the most of it. Yours is a heavy load but you can bare it together. My deepest sympathies to you

Record her voice. Her laugh. Video her smile. Be with her and surround each other with love.

So so sorry. Try not to read too much into statistics, there's always patients that defy them.

Sending you huge hugs. What terrible news. 🌺

RestingGrinchface - lovely words.

What a horrible thing to happen . Cancer is such an absolute bastard, it doesn't discriminate in who it targets; doesn't care how young or loved or needed they are.

Completely agree with stepping away from google. Every body is different so you need to trust her doctors.

Spend as much time as you can with your mum - my mum didn't have cancer but we lost her very unexpectedly and suddenly, so we couldn't do that, and I think it would have helped. I hope very very much that you will have many years yet to spend time with her.

Oh Cheerios, I'm so so sorry for you. I lost my lovely Dad to a similarly aggressive cancer so understand the shock, horror, fear, dread and whole jumble of feelings. Please be gentle to yourself and seek support where possible. If you're in England, the hospital or GP should refer your mum to the district nurses, they can be wonderful support and can offer or point you at really practical help. It's. Not. Fucking. Fair.

Much love. I really will be thinking of you X X

We're currently going through the same thing my fil got the diagnosis a few months ago
All I can say is cherish the time you have left and make memories that's what we're doing

I’m so sorry to see this op.

My dad was diagnosed with an agggressive cancer in the summer. He was given approx 6 months at the end of August.

The shock is overwhelming.

I googled. I had to. I had to face the possibilities. It helped me prepare mentally whilst waiting for results. I felt better for knowing.

I have found truly trust my wonderful support from mn during this time. I thought I’d be able to talk to my close friends about it but for some reason I really struggle so being able to let it pour out on here is a fan outlet. Feel free to read through my thread in “bad news, feel sick and teary” in the Life-Limiting Illness section of the health board, if you feel ready to venture over there.

It’s utterly utterly shite. I thought I’d feel angry but I just feel unbelievably sad and scared of what is to come. My poor dad.

Your poor mum and poor you. Sending love.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Cancer is a bastard! I lost my grandad to stomach cancer last year so I know how you feel.

My dc1's friend is only a teenager and has been told there is no more treatment available for them. I'm not ashamed to say I cried when my dc1 was told the news. I just can't imagine what they and their parents/family are going through. Effectively just waiting to die knowing there is no hope.

So sorry Cheerios. It's a bastard.

There is always someone here. Day and night.

What are the circumstances of the diagnosis op? Was she admitted as an emergency and this is what has turned out to be the cause or was she a gp referral for investigation?

On a randomish practical note - my relative had a notebook for jotting down questions when they came to her. She said that when her consultant asked her "any questions?" she often couldn't think of any, but they'd randomly come to her at 3/4am. So, she took to writing them down and having a quick check before she left the consultations to ask any that hadn't been covered.

I’m sorry. I lost a relative to this.

We had six months from diagnosis to his death. Which I’m told isn’t an unexpected time frame. But it depends how long it took to diagnose and what stage it’s at. In our case it was diagnosed very late and it was too late to really do anything at all. Surgery was offered but by then the surgery probably would have finished them off rather than helped.

I know it’s often not diagnosed until much later which is party why the prognosis is often not good.

I’ve also heard of people managing several years with treatment if diagnosed in time/before it gets to later stages.

Yes as per most every other poster leave Dr Google alone! You are best speaking to the doctors treating him. Yes It is one of the more grim ones, survival rates aren't that good but a lot depends on what they may or may not be able to do for him.

Not what you might want to read right now but someone i used to know had this cancer but against the odds survived it!.

www.theguardian.com/music/2015/jul/10/wilko-johnson-interview-ive-got-a-future

My mum died from Pancreatic cancer and I can’t give you any comfort at all. But I can try to support you through what you will go through.

It’s a crap situation at any time but Christmas makes things even worse.

I’m so sorry.

I am so very sorry. It's an absolute cunt of a disease. My mum had it. I did a lot of research which may still be swirling round in my brain somewhere and I'm happy for you to PM me if there's anything you want me to dredge up for you.

The Macmillan forums have a PC subforum that is monitored by nurses too, if you have questions. Relatives/caters are welcomed.

So sorry to hear this - many hugs .
Whatever happens , this is going to be a difficult time for you all.
Please remember to look after yourself - it will be easy to overlook but you will need all your strength.

I agree about Google - stay well away and remember with anything like this that the best cases don't make good stories. Statistics are useless when you only want to know about what happens to one of the persons they refer to.

Once the first shock of all this is through - I agree about using the time you all have for keeping memories and fulfilling dreams/wishes. It isn't all about bucket lists of exotic doings - simple things are the ones you want to remember.

My mother was diagnosed with this cancer around this time last year, so I understand what you are going through. I'm afraid that yes, it is one of the worst cancers to get and it is generally diagnosed late (because the initial symptoms are vague and poorly understood) and the outcomes are poor.

However, with all cancers, the course of the disease is personal to the patient. I'm not a clinician but, at the risk of outing myself, I've done a bit of work on pancreatic cancer in my career.

I would also recommend stepping away from google. If you want good information about this disease then go to the Cancer Research UK or Macmillan websites, or pancreatic cancer specific charities.

Your mothers treatment plan will be dependent on the stage of the cancer - it is rare that pancreatic cancer is diagnosed at an early stage, but it is not unknown. It is likely that it is either stage 3(locally advanced) or stage 4 (distant metastases).

Some patients can have a surgical procedure called Whipple's - this takes away the pancreas and duodenum (I think), but it depends on the stage of the cancer and something called performance status (how fit and well your mother is generally).

She could also be offered chemo, but this is likely to be palliative rather than curative. Radiotherapy isn't really used in this cancer.

Palliative care is likely to be symptom control. For my mother this was ocreotide - a drug that takes on the role of the pancreas in digestion and this was because she had severe diarrhoea. Even though she had stage 4 disease once this was under control she felt better. Also morphine for any pain.

My mothers last months were comfortable and she had decent quality of life. She was very immobile and weak and so was admitted to a care home. My father is eloderly and couldn't look after her at home and nor could my brother or I.

It is a shock diagnosis, but do talk to your mothers nurses and doctors and don't be afraid to ask any questions.

My thoughts are with you and your family. Look after yourselves.

Please as pp have said get off google - at this point you will only take in the dreadful bits and half of it isn’t accurate. Have a cuppa, chill tonight and try and sleep and look into it properly tomorrow.

This Christmas she is here.

To be brutal, last chance for everything both of you ever wanted to celebrate at Christmas. Hold nothing back. Christmas with knobs on.

Rock it.

My mum was diagnosed with cancer this year so I get it, OP. The uncertainty of it all is the absolute worst. You need to find a way to cope and appreciate the time you have left.

I don’t know what to say to help. It has affected me in ways I never expected, I’ve honestly gone completely off the rails on occasion while staying super calm on others, mainly when everyone else was crumbling...I am very resourceful and helpful one minute and shouting in the most awful away at a poor hairdresser the next minute. Just do your best to be calm around your mum, in spite of how you’re feeling, she needs calmness and family support.

So so sorry that this has happened to your mum and your family. Two weeks ago my Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to her brain. I also stupidly Googled so know there will be no happy ending for her and it breaks my heart.

You need to step away from Google and just go with what her specialist tells you. Treatments are evolving all the time and clinical trials are ground breaking. Try and let some of the shock wear off before making any decisions or plans.

Stay away from Google. I saw someone else comment that hit should write down questions when they come to you. Do that. Ask anything and everything. From nurses doctors. If you can go to appointments with your Mum. But first and foremost care for your Mum and yourself. Make time for good, joyous, happy things. Make videos. Take pictures. If you write, write how you feel. Spend time together. Lots of love and hugs x

My mother was diagnosed with uncurable thyroid cancer on Friday, we have her meeting with the consultant tomorrow to advise how we go forward and if she will have treatment. I understand exactly what you are going through. I have been sat here sobbing for the last few hours, totally desperate, totally broken. My beautiful Mum who has so much to live for. I have been trying to stay away from Google because I can't bare when it will tell me. I understand your desperation and hopelessness. Why is life so cruel and unfair... I'm so sorry.

So sorry op. On a practical side does she have her LPAs in place? These will help you or your df or both manage her finances for her if she wants you to and she can't and will also enable you to speak to medical professionals on her behalf if she can't. There's a wait of 8-10 weeks so would recommend looking into. Sorry but I work in this field and people often leave too late and regret it .