I am on a train. There is a man watching a golf tips video without headphones. What is reasonable as a response?

[SimultaneousEquation]

I’m being very British and occasionally giving him surprised looks. And huffing.

Just say 'please could you use headphones?'

Download the Archers podcast and play it very loud, laughing and gasping as appropriate.

Alternatively play loud music and drum along on the tabletop (if you have one)

Oh great powers of mumsnet, how do I channel you?

Shout "four" and lob a golf ball at his head

You can only really join in or start telling him about your gall bladder op.

Grime? Is that the thing the youth do? Would that be an appropriate thing to search for on Spotify?

Put some Mötorhead on your phone at top volume.

I am playing the annoying frog song.

Keep shouting Four at the top of your voice add in a couple of tee off old chaps. Tap him on the shoulder then tap the side of your nose nod twice and tell him you've got a handicap of zero.

Okay, the other passengers are looking and huffing now. I’m trying to pretend that wasn’t me...

The archers there will be fine but only if you 'Tum ti tum ti tumpty tum' along.

Say 'excuse me. Please wear some headphones if you're watching videos in public'.

Or the variant 'excuse me. Please wear some headphones if you're watching porn in public'.

On YouTube, searched for violin prep test. Clicked first item...

Radio 3? Classic FM? Top volume?

Golf man is looking my way. He has got message I think.

Tell him unless he wants his handicap to go up massively, put headphones on or volume off!

Play very loud old school house and start building boxes.

Say 'oi you selfish knob fucking wanker, I bet you're shit at golf, why don't you buy some fucking headphones and stick them in your bloody lugholes you conceited ignorant bastard'.

It's been a very trying day

Okay. So I switch off. Then he switches back on. I’ll opt for something different.

Knitting videos. How to cast on explained in 15 minutes.

@HarrietKettleWasHere 😂😂😂

I bet he's manspreading as well isn't he.

Bob the builder big fish little fish cardboard box.

Are you on my train Noel?