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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be really jealous of my dh and his family?

111 replies

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 13:22

My dh has a large family on his side, he is the baby, The youngest of 5 children by 15 years! ( he was the shock at the end 😄).

His family are lovely and they have always been welcoming to me and made me feel at home BUT they are not my family they are his.

There are so many little issues I would love to be able to talk to someone about but I have no one. No family and no friends close enough to have those conversations with. I am feeling really really depressed lately and just find I am struggling with everyday life. My dh has also been down (we have had a hard few months) and his family are all over him offering him help with things, chatting to him, having phone calls. I have no one.

I am insanely jealous of the support he has and I know it's ridiculous it's not his fault! But every time we hit a bump in the road he is surrounded by people who care for him and I am standing alone.

I have tried to talk to him about this but he says I'm being ridiculous .

Aibu?

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 16:24

I don't think he sounds dim - I'd say shrewd and unscrupulous albeit with an unrealistic idea of what is due to him.

KickAssAngel · 04/12/2017 16:41

This sounds crazy.

you're being dumped on from all directions. The new business partner is stealing tens of thousands from you/DH.

that loan should be paid by the company.
You should/could still be a director.
You have every right to dividends, without paying off the loan.

Your DH had sex willingly, and therefore is responsible for the child he created. He should be willing to look after all his kids whenever necessary.
You cannot possibly parent 6 kids and home ed so many with a baby and be able to work. That's ridiculous.
You've completely made it possible for him to work and lost any chance of friends/support, but he won't even talk about it.

I'm amazed that you haven't run away screaming. What would he do if you got ill again? How long would his family step in and do everything for him?

You need to protect yourself, financially and emotionally. You could end up penniless with 6 kids if your DH just decided he wanted to leave.

There is nothing about this situation that is OK.

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 16:47

Kick I have no idea what to do. You know when you just wake up and think "god another day". And then just wait for it to be over. That's pretty much where I am at now.

I had to go to the post office today and it felt like all I could manage to do that. My dh just refuses to talk about any of it at all.

OP posts:
GirlsBlouse17 · 04/12/2017 16:52

If the loan is in your name, you are liable for it. It should be in the business name

Jux · 04/12/2017 17:13

You have been, and are being screwed in every possible way.

Jux · 04/12/2017 17:14

Get a lwayer to sort it out for you.

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 17:22

Girls it is in my name solely so it's just my responsibility .

OP posts:
Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 17:26

Kicks I have been ill on and off since then just with little things that seems to go out of control for some reason - like I ended up In Hospital with tonsillitis and then a couple of months ago I randomly collapsed because my heart was beating really fast. I have to take tablets to slow it down now!

Any time I'm not here his family steps straight in.

OP posts:
ImListening · 04/12/2017 17:35

First. You are being shat on from a great height.

Second. I’ll repeat the other guy wants it all.

Third. Do NOT give anything away without taking legal advice.

Fourth. You have a dh problem but I’m not the one to advise you. Others better than me will hopefully advise.

Flowers
Jux · 04/12/2017 17:57

So you took out a loan of 15K which you put into the company? There will be paper work to show that.

Go and see CAB and ask about how that leave you and what you need to do to protect your investment and yourself.

Is it actually possible to kick you out as a Director anyway? They might not be able to just do that.

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 18:06

That's why OP needs a lawyer. Ending her directorship in the way they did may not actually kosha.

If not, she may be able to be reinstated.

Your DH doesn't have a choice: all this needs to be discussed - his lack of childcare to his bizarre dealings with you and the business.

Jux · 04/12/2017 18:11

Whenre his parents next on holiday? Can your best friend from College (make one up) suddenly be ill just then so dh can be reminded of what you do?

WasDoingFine · 04/12/2017 18:15

Ummm...... I'm sensing something a bit fishy. I think you need to checkout where you stand with this company as l think your DH has an alterior motive

somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 18:21

i agree with was, if I was really being cynical I'd say your DH is somehow taking a side payment for your share of the directorship.

Bubblebubblepop · 04/12/2017 18:21

CAB won't be able to help- don't waste your time. You need to see a specialist (not any lawyer) because putting a personal debt into a company name is not straight forward and could be very risky later. It's impossible to say without knowing what the company is like.

You can be taken off as a director without signing anything- When I was in practise i often acted as co sec and came on and off directorships frequently. However if this was against your wishes you need to inform co house immediately. However, obviously directors are allowed to strike off a fellow director without their permission.

You have to bear in mind we're talking thousands of limited companies which are basically small
Self employed businesses with directors in name only. There are all sorts of reasons you would want to strike off a director without their permission. Ultimately they have deciding vote

WasDoingFine · 04/12/2017 18:28

I think your DH is planning to cut you out completely and eventually leave you and the kids

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2017 18:31

Please get legal advice now!

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 18:33

Yeah I thought the same thing.

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 18:34

God I just can't deal with this. I just feel like leaving it all.

OP posts:
InternetHoopJumper · 04/12/2017 18:39

Don't leave it! Your husband is an abusive pig and is maneuvering you into a position where you are totally dependent on him. Do not let that happen.

Seek legal advice first thing in the morning and start securing your assets. You are going to have to leave him and divorce him and make sure you come out finacially on top. And you will. Do these things and in a year's time you'll be amazed at how well you'll feel.

If you don't want the abortion do not have it. Perhaps seek some therapy as well. You need someone to talk to.

Twuntingattheweekend · 04/12/2017 18:40

I understand,I'm in the same boat...it gets worse when you have kids and miss out on your own parents fussing you after you've had a baby

Twuntingattheweekend · 04/12/2017 18:41

Oh dear..I've not read the full thread....I will read it now

Twuntingattheweekend · 04/12/2017 18:49

This is not good..I don't like the sound of this new man in the company.i don't like the sound of your dh...I think he's planning something,something that will not go in your favour...please please get legal advice and get copies of everything finianical..

mamas12 · 04/12/2017 18:52

You seem overwhelmed so what I suggests is
Ask the family to help with the children more. Just say we need someone to be there for a few hours, babysit this night, take them out that afternoon etc., not asking for you , asking as a couple, you don't even need to let your dh know.
You will then free up some time to sort your head out. Yes you need to speak to someone who specialises in your particular business circumstance. Have you seen the new directors contract btw?
Don't 'give' anymore. Stop. Take stock.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/12/2017 19:05

Please don’t let him take your name off! You are liable for a debt and have no asset.

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