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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be really jealous of my dh and his family?

111 replies

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 13:22

My dh has a large family on his side, he is the baby, The youngest of 5 children by 15 years! ( he was the shock at the end 😄).

His family are lovely and they have always been welcoming to me and made me feel at home BUT they are not my family they are his.

There are so many little issues I would love to be able to talk to someone about but I have no one. No family and no friends close enough to have those conversations with. I am feeling really really depressed lately and just find I am struggling with everyday life. My dh has also been down (we have had a hard few months) and his family are all over him offering him help with things, chatting to him, having phone calls. I have no one.

I am insanely jealous of the support he has and I know it's ridiculous it's not his fault! But every time we hit a bump in the road he is surrounded by people who care for him and I am standing alone.

I have tried to talk to him about this but he says I'm being ridiculous .

Aibu?

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:26

I'm astonished your DH has removed you as a director without your agreement. What was the original set up? How long did you work there? Did you and he set it up together? What are the legal implications of this?

I don't know why you feel like there's nothing you can do? Talk to him?

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:29

Domini - I don't feel like there's anything my gp can do unless he fancies looking after my kids for a while and punching my dh🙂.

OP posts:
somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:30

how many times a week do you get out of the house on your own, going somewhere that you might meet someone that could become a friend?

I do think it really helps to have a friend to mull things over with - it's a really important part of my quality of life, I've got 3 very good friends that I'd walk over hot coals for, but it took a long time to build those friendships.

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:31

Riding - initially is was me and him then about 5 years in (so 2.5 years ago) we added another director so then there were three of us. Dh plus this other director both agreed to remove me. I still own 1/3rd of the company but they want me to give that up as well.

OP posts:
somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:31

on the directorship - didn't you have to sign something? I hope you and DH are married, I wouldn't have gone along with it.

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:31

Somany- 0 times a week 😄. My dh won't look after the kids alone anymore (long story!)

OP posts:
somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:32

why nothing? I would say no. You can say no surely? Do they have good reasons or just reasons convenient to them?

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:33

Somany no I didn't sign anything .

OP posts:
somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:33

no wonder you're depressed op - so you get 0 time without kids, ever? Amazing. How long until your 2 yo qualifies for the free hours?

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:35

They want me to give up the share because the other director (not dh) says it's unfair I have it since I don't go in to the office). Dh just can't be bothered arguing and wants to keep the peace so he goes along with it.

OP posts:
Bubblebubblepop · 04/12/2017 15:35

I completely understand how you feel OP. His family sound lovely (and you sound like you're making your own lovely family too)

What I would say though, is the adding/ removal of directors is fairly routine in limited companies and I wouldn't worry too much about it. It doesn't really mean anything, unless I'm missing some vital info!

somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:35

i also think you should post on the legal matters board - I don't know if you can be voted off as a director by a majority vote, but I'm pretty sure that normally you can't just steal someone else's shares but not sure you being married complicates things.

just say no. Hell would freeze over before I gave a chunk of assets to anyone without understanding why and making sure it was in my and my DCs' best interests.

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:36

I'm not sure about nursery. I have 1 child in secondary school my 11 year old is home ed now but will be starting school in September and my 8,7,5 year old are all home ed so I have them constantly.

I don't want to stop home ed as it has worked wonders for issues we had before but obviously it does mean a lot less free time for me.

OP posts:
RemainOptimistic · 04/12/2017 15:38

You have a DH problem.

Post in relationships, you'll get support and input there to start getting back on an even keel.

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:40

Yes you need to get legal advice OP. It sounds very dodgy for you to have been removed as director without your knowledge, agreement and signature.

The fact the fact that you don't work there currently is none of this other guy's business.

Do not give up your third share of the company.

somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:41

maybe you could get more involved with other home educating parents and arrange meet ups if the little one went to nursery or just regardless? The younger one may be fine in mainstream education.

Do all 3 of the DC you are home educating need it? I'd be looking at that, the toddler to nursery once 3, and also you clearly need to insist your DH carves out some time to look after HIS DC so you can get out.

And please tell him you're not happy about the directorship - and the grab of the shares...

I don't think this is about family, this is about you having had no time at all to build your network.

somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:42

op, there are plenty of non-executive directors of companies that don't go into the office day to day - you really should push back on this. Your shares would need to be bought out IF you wanted to sell them (I reckon, but you need legal advice).

MadeleineMaxwellPeterson · 04/12/2017 15:44

Why won't your husband look after the children on his own?

ImListening · 04/12/2017 15:44

Do NOT whatever you do give up the shares without seeking legal advice.

The other director seems to want it all doesn’t he?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/12/2017 15:47

Don't just give up your third of the business, you need to be financially compensated, properly and legally. Is the other Director just trying to pull a fast one?

And why will your DH not look after HIS children?

I'm not surprise you're feeling depressed. 6 kids, 5 of them home all ALL DAY... my head would have exploded by now! Could his family not offer to help out at all?

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:47

Madeline - dcs1-5 was planned but dc 6 was concieved with a coil in place.

Dh wanted me to have an abortion I refused and really since then he hasn't looked after the children alone. He is fine with he kids and actually gets on with dc6 really well but he just can't seem to deal with the kids alone now.

I was in Hospital last year with sepsis and his mum and sister split the kids between them because he wouldn't cope.

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:48

op, there are plenty of non-executive directors of companies that don't go into the office day to day - you really should push back on this. Your shares would need to be bought out IF you wanted to sell them (I reckon, but you need legal advice).

Exactly. It's very common. Sounds like this guy just wants more power and if you're out you and your DH can't overrule him.

I don't know if you DH has been naive or has something up his sleeve.

Bubblebubblepop · 04/12/2017 15:49

I think that's a bit unfair on the other director ImListening- him and DH are the ones doing the work running the company, OP says she hasn't had anything to do with it for years. I imagine he's quite rightly questioning why he does 50% (presumably) of the work for 33% of the strategic decision making/ income

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:50

Why would your DH agree to have more children than he can cope with? He's just going to have to learn to deal with them.

Original poster
nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:50

I think the other guys problem is because he feels it's unfair I get paid when they issue dividends since I don't do anything and dh seems to agree.

OP posts:
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