Page 3 | Aibu to be really jealous of my dh and his family?

nothingtodoaboutit · 2017-12-04T13:22:51+00:00

My dh has a large family on his side, he is the baby, The youngest of 5 children by 15 years! ( he was the shock at the end 😄). His family are lovely and they have always been welcoming to me and made me feel at home BUT they are not my family they are his. There are so many little issues I would love to be able to talk to someone about but I have no one. No family and no friends close enough to have those conversations with. I am feeling really really depressed lately and just find I am struggling with everyday life. My dh has also been down (we have had a hard few months) and his family are all over him offering him help with things, chatting to him, having phone calls. I have no one. I am insanely jealous of the support he has and I know it's ridiculous it's not his fault! But every time we hit a bump in the road he is surrounded by people who care for him and I am standing alone. I have tried to talk to him about this but he says I'm being ridiculous . Aibu?

Bubblebubblepop · 04/12/2017 15:50

I should say- if does depend on the type of business etc of course

Original poster

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:51

Riding he didn't agree I think that's his point. He wanted the abortion but I couldn't go through with it.

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RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:53

I think that's a bit unfair on the other director ImListening- him and DH are the ones doing the work running the company, OP says she hasn't had anything to do with it for years. I imagine he's quite rightly questioning why he does 50% (presumably) of the work for 33% of the strategic decision making/ income

We don't know what the salary situation is as OP hasn't said. OP are you drawing a salary?

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:54

I wasn't talking about the 6th. He agreed to 5. He should be able to cope with that. You say he's not doing any of it now.

Original poster

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:54

Riding -no but t a dividend is paid then I get some of that . This is a small amount we are not talking thousands here!

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Original poster

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:54

Riding no he does nothing now.

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Bubblebubblepop · 04/12/2017 15:55

I don't mean a salary, I mean 33% of any dividend. You can't blame him really. I'm not saying is right, but it's a fairly normal situation and not really sure what a lawyer could do- it's up to the OP whether she wants to go along with it or refuse

somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 15:55

either way, you don't walk into a company and demand ownership, you have to buy in, usually.

OlennasWimple · 04/12/2017 15:56

OP - you don't do "nothing", you completely facilitate your DH so that he can work on the company (pop over to the Feminist chat threads about facilitated men for support )

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:56

Xpost. If you set the company up with your DH of course it's fair you get a dividend.

goose1964 · 04/12/2017 15:56

I found that my mil was the best person to talk to about DH after all she had plenty of experience dealing with hi

Original poster

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 15:57

Riding I did set it up with him I also put money into it - money I inherited (about £20,000 initially) and then later on about £15,000 of money borrowed by me personally which I am still paying off. So the dividends don't even cover the repayments on that.

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MadeleineMaxwellPeterson · 04/12/2017 15:59

OP, do you think his inability to cope with 6 children on his own is your "punishment" for not going through with an abortion? A bit like "I told you not to have this child and now look what's happened - I can't cope with them all, so you have to reap what you've sown"?

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 15:59

I don't mean a salary, I mean 33% of any dividend. You can't blame him really. I'm not saying is right, but it's a fairly normal situation and not really sure what a lawyer could do- it's up to the OP whether she wants to go along with it or refuse

A lawyer can advise on the legitimacy of cutting out OP as a director without her knowledge or agreement. And also on the +/- of giving up her shares. If she chooses to do so make sure it's done above board.

Bubblebubblepop · 04/12/2017 16:00

^^ this is what my BIL does to my SIL. You wanted the children, you look after them. Unpleasant

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 16:02

Riding I did set it up with him I also put money into it - money I inherited (about £20,000 initially) and then later on about £15,000 of money borrowed by me personally which I am still paying off. So the dividends don't even cover the repayments on that.

In that case you're entitled to those dividends. Why would your husband give up that third share when you need to it repay the money you both effectively owe?

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 16:03

OP, do you think his inability to cope with 6 children on his own is your "punishment" for not going through with an abortion? A bit like "I told you not to have this child and now look what's happened - I can't cope with them all

Yep.

GirlsBlouse17 · 04/12/2017 16:04

OP the dividends you earn are because you have shares in the business and not because you are a director. This is the return on your capital invested in the business. If you were drawing a salary as a director but not doing any work there, I would consider that unfair. Perfectly reasonable to earn dividends on your shares even if you haven't set foot there for years

Trying2bgd · 04/12/2017 16:06

There is such a thing as a silent partner, ie, they stump up cash to originally start a business and in return get a share of the business hence the dividends connected to that share. So as far as I am concerned those dividends are yours quite fairly and it doesn't matter if you go in or not. Perhaps your dh and the other guy can give themselves a salary to compensate for the work they do but taking your shares is theft. DO NOT SIGN anything.

RidingWindhorses · 04/12/2017 16:10

OP the dividends you earn are because you have shares in the business and not because you are a director. This is the return on your capital invested in the business. If you were drawing a salary as a director but not doing any work there, I would consider that unfair. Perfectly reasonable to earn dividends on your shares even if you haven't set foot there for years

Exactly.

There is such a thing as a silent partner, ie, they stump up cash to originally start a business and in return get a share of the business hence the dividends connected to that share. So as far as I am concerned those dividends are yours quite fairly and it doesn't matter if you go in or not. Perhaps your dh and the other guy can give themselves a salary to compensate for the work they do but taking your shares is theft. DO NOT SIGN anything.

Again, exactly.

somanyusernames · 04/12/2017 16:10

yes absolutely girls, you've got 2 issues on the business front - the directorship, and the share ownership/your investment. The new business partner sounds a bit dim really, and your DH is acting strangely if he wants to give away half the family assets for no good reason we've yet fathomed.

Original poster

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 16:14

Yes so many - my dh is acting strangely he just doesn't seem to want to do anything about anything . Just ignore as much as he can !

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PiffleandWiffle · 04/12/2017 16:15

I've never understood why people can't criticise their OH's to their IL's - if anyone is going to know what a person is like already it's their family.

My Partner will say anything to my parents & I've certainly moaned about her to her parents on the odd occasion. I've always found it quite logical & they'll often totally relate to what I've pointed out!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/12/2017 16:16

Also, why are YOU paying off the loan? That should come out of the business, surely?

Original poster

nothingtodoaboutit · 04/12/2017 16:18

Green - it's in my name it just comes from my account every month.

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