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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL woes

117 replies

InspMorse · 03/12/2017 20:43

MIL is 70. She is staying with us until Next Thursday.
We work and won't be in during the day & MlL is planning to go into town shopping when we are at work.
We have given her a key and she can't lick the door. Seriously.
The lock is not stiff, you simply pull the handle up and lock it with a key from the outside. The lock on her door is a Yale - no pulling up handles.
She can't do it and has said that if she can't do it tomorrow she will just leave it unlocked when she goes out as it will be ok for a couple of hours until she gets back.

WTAF???

AIBU to think WTAF????? Am I???

I have gone to bed. I'm fucking annoyed.

OP posts:

Gem2018london · 04/12/2017 12:08

Sounds stressful! It really is your partners job to say something unfortunately, get him to spend more time 'teaching' her how to lock it and explain to her that he feels anxious at the thought of it being unlocked etc. Hope all works out!

IceniLacuna · 04/12/2017 12:15

My goodness that is so unacceptable! Presumably your house is unattended and unlocked right now. Could you call your local community policing team and ask whether they could check the house as you are worried that your slightly-batty mil will have left the house unsecured?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/12/2017 12:16

Hope things go okay today.

In future, only agree to her staying if "D"H books the entire time off work. Get proof he's done it before giving her an answer. What's the point of her being there while you're both at work all day anyway?

Do you hate him all the time or are you just having a difficult few days?

MrsMotherHen · 04/12/2017 12:22

I havent read the whole thread but DO NOT LOCK HER IN are you mad! What if theres a fire can a neighbour help her lock the door.

MadisonAvenue · 04/12/2017 12:23

Christ, this sounds like how my mother in law would behave so you have my sympathy.

One time she stayed she called my husband out of work, one fucking hour away, to come home and take the handbrake off her car for her because she said she couldn't do it. He said that it was easy, plus she managed to do it several times a day anyway. She's just an attention seeker.

Hidingtonothing · 04/12/2017 12:34

Bit passive aggressive I know but I wouldn't be able to help making lots of comments tonight about what a stressful and worrying day you've had at work because you didn't know whether your home was secure and what you were going to come back to. I would also be using this as a reason why MIL needs to stay in a hotel next (and every) time she visits.

lynmilne65 · 04/12/2017 12:39

I used to look after 2 90year olds and they were fanatic about locking up !

FizzyGreenWater · 04/12/2017 12:40

Well I'd say she's shot herself in the foot now

'Well it's clear that we can't have this happen again. Imagine how poor MIL would feel if, because of her frailty, our home had been broken into this week? She'd never forgive herself poor thing and all because we simply aren't providing the level of constant care that she now needs. In future DH you are going to have to take the time off or we don't host. Simple as that. She's clearly getting older, we can't leave her alone at ours and expect her to take responsibility like any other guest. It's not fair.'

At this point Mr. 'Don't Make Out She's Out Of Order' will backtrack like the wind and try telling you that MIL is perfectly capable and he doesn't need to host her...

'Oh DH how could you? All because you don't want to take time to care for your own poor mother. You were insistent that it wasn't her fault and she shouldn't be expected to be able to lock up when this came up. So you clearly think she can't be expected to take responsibility as other guests would do, you clearly think we can't get annoyed at her because it's not her fault but in the same breath aren't prepared to help her. I won't put her in this position again, you will take the week off work or we do not host.' :)

gobster · 04/12/2017 12:50

My biggest concern will be if she has left the house unlocked it's perfectly fine after, you'll never hear the end of it and it'll happen again and again!

eggsandwich · 04/12/2017 13:33

Just a thought would you be able to claim on your house insurance if you were burglared as the door was left unlocked.

IceniLacuna · 04/12/2017 15:54

eggsandwich of course not. Insurance is always null and void if basic common sense isn't exercised.

Original poster

InspMorse · 04/12/2017 17:30

Do you hate him all the time or are you just having a difficult few days?

No, just this weekend! I just can't believe how blasé they both are.

Well, I'm back and the place hasn't been ransacked . MIL is still out and the door was LOCKED.
I will 'thank' her profusely later as this will give me the perfect opportunity to tell her how worried I was all day re. insurance etc. I will tell her that locking the door here is never 'an option'.

As for DH, he will have to be at home all week when MIL next comes to stay.
I'm not dealing with this crap again.

OP posts:

Original poster

InspMorse · 04/12/2017 17:34

Fizzy Yes, it will be similar to that...
'You need to be here with her next time DH, we can't expect her to take stuff on, she's obviously struggling... blah blah'

OP posts:

SoGoodToBeBackHomeAgain · 04/12/2017 17:39

What gobster said. She’ll be all ‘oh it was fine, I don’t know what the fuss was about, I can pop out anytime and leave the door unlocked!” Good luck OP.

EB123 · 04/12/2017 17:55

I'm glad all is okay OP.

My mum struggles to lock my doors which are like that(she has a problem with her hands) but she wouldn't dream of leaving my house unlocked!

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 04/12/2017 18:21

Any chance she was hoping to blackmail one of you into staying at home with her, if she made the alternative leaving the door unlocked while she was out?

Littlelambpeep · 04/12/2017 20:44

Glad all is well op. Pity it spoilt your evening. All you can do it make sure dh stays home next time. It does seem as if she wanted you to be at home with her.

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