AIBU to think that MN thrives on drama these days?

[Bratsandtwats]

Even in the relatively short amount of time I have been a member (plus name change) the whole feel of the forums has changed.

If someone posts about a 'relatively minor' relationship problem it suddenly becomes all LTB.

If someone posts that a family member or friend has unexpectedly died, people want all the gruesome details.

Is it just me that finds it distasteful?

Sometimes people just want a gentle hand hold or signposting to professional help and advice, not a sudden leap to LTB.

I agree that there's a lot of emotional intensity. I delete most threads and then see what I'm left with.

Yeah, I've started deleting threads too.

I forgot to mention the MIL threads too. ie MIL offered to help me turns into must mean she's trying to steal your baby!

I wonder whether you're reading the same threads as I am.

Virtually the only time (unless it's a joke) that LTB has been used when I've been on a thread has been where the OP has been utterly disrespected and it's felt that staying with the guy is detrimental to her mental health and happiness.

I think MN and forums in general offer people a release they can't otherwise get IRL.
I agree every little thing gets blown up out of all proportion but if you spend your time on AIBU it's par for the course. There are plenty of other tumbleweed boards which seem to invite more reasoned, sensible discussion.

Most threads are tedious. Am I too old to wear leggings? Should my cleaner be hoovering under the sofa? Is it ok to put tinsel on my Christmas tree? How about wear what you want, pay for what you need, do what makes you happy. Stop taking up space when people may have real problems

Brats, I delete so many that I'm left with thinking in depth about someone's use of a sainsbury's voucher and the concept of snacking. I sometimes have to question the meaning of my own life!

YABU I've been around for eons and it's always been like this its what makes it so good

How is it 'taking up space'? The space isn't limited. You're on a chat forum, hence some people are chatting.

MN is all about drama. I've been around a few years, post little, nc often and it's always been like this.

@dudsville

I hear you!

Yes, very much so. Posters expect an OP to entertain them by updating with eventful posts otherwise they all start bumping the thread with pleady ‘OP any update?’ posts or posting that they are thinking of the OP and asking if they’re ok.

The thing I really object to is the rubbernecking and interference in the OP’s life. Like pushing her to snoop on her potentially-cheating DH’s phone but be sure to report back. Then the posters constructing emails for her, demanding that she does what they say and berating her if she doesn’t. It’s actually really distasteful and a bit disturbing that some posters see other people’s lives as some kind of interactive soap opera.

I think some people forget that actual real women post on MN for support and advice, not to entertain.

Did you know you can hide entire topics? Then your Active list should have more on it that you might want to read/reply to.
Doesn't filter it all out but gets rid of the topics you have no interest in.

I have more topics hidden than not.

LTB is an in-joke, and not everyone gets it.

Yes, MN has changed. I think many threads are pure invention, loaded into AIBU as if that made it ok. The genuine wit is rare now, and it's straight to insult/hyperbole. As there is so much of that, I assume it's how people want MN to be.

If you want it to be different, then post differently. I don't mean whine about other posts and styles of posting. I mean post in the ways you'd want to read.

Theres a thread at the moment with someone who is clearly mentally ill and posters are calling her a liar and an attention seeker and claiming certain mental health issues dont exist!!

Ditto ltb over minor things like he hasnt washed up or put his socks away.

Mil threads. Minx anyone?

Everyone anyone on MN meets on a daily basis is apparently rude and horrible.

"I think some people forget that actual real women post on MN for support and advice, not to entertain."

Good point. With all the trolling there has been - and the banning of troll-hunters rather than trolls - I think there is a widely held assumption that MN is no longer a good pkace for support and that no-one would post anything about their RL now. So I agree, no-one would remember the possibility that from time to time there might be something that had passing resemblance to someone's real life.

Yes, I know that and have done it for a lot of the topics I’m not bothered about. But my point is more about how people react to someone who is in need of support, specifically threads where the OP thinks her DH May be cheating or has discovered it. Hiding those subjects won’t change that.

No it won't change that but unfortunately you can't control the way people post on here, nor how they react. Just like in RL.
If you think it oversteps the mark, report it and let MNHQ decide.

@Sparklingbrook

Ooooh....no. I didn't. I tend to either avoid or hide threads that irritate me.

Thank you.

Hide thread is great but Hide Topic means you never see the thread in the first place.

Because it just is. There should be an I have no confidence in myself and need assurance from people I will never meet topic. A woman may post about domestic violence or other serious threat to her and/or her children and the post is not shown on the active page due to people discussing whether it’s naff to have tinsel

@sparkling I think you’re missing my point a bit. I know I can hide threads and report, and that I can’t control what people post. I’m not trying to.

I’m just pointing out that I think people’s behaviour on affair threads is often quite distasteful and they seem to be relishing the OP’s situation and encouraging it for their own entertainment. Not to mention the people who placemark with a . (they deserve a special circle in hell).

So what's the answer Escapepeas?

What can you do?

I’m not sure why it’s suddenly down to me to find an answer. I don’t do those things so it’s not like I can change my behaviour.

Can I not point out an aspect of people’s behaviour on MN which I dislike without having to suggest a bullet-pointed list of solutions?

If I did, it would be something like this:

• Stop being a dick.
• Stop being a nosy dick.
• You don’t need every single detail, see point 1 and 2
• Don’t tell the OP to snoop and report back, see point 1
• You can still sleep even if the OP has not updated
• Trying to whip the OP up to do stuff like change locks is being a dick
• Be nice, be supportive, avoid lurid horror stories
• Don’t pester for updates, see point 5

It seems to thrive on posters desperately trying to call everybody a "cheeky fucker." So tedious.

Ok.