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Original poster

To wonder why I never get chatted up?

80 replies

Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:10

Went on a night out with two friends last night, and my best friend once again was chatted up by a man who's asking her out for a drink today. She seems to get chatted up and 'pulls' on every night we go on.

I, on the other hand, never ever am. Men never introduce themselves and never try to talk to me. I've been single for nearly ten years. I've had FWB situations with existing friends but never have anyone interested on nights out. It doesn't bother me too much but what is the key? How do some women have men flocking to them on every night out while others never get a hello? At risk of sounding arrogant I think I'm relatively good looking so I don't think it's my looks putting men off, but it's definitely something.

OP posts:
FlouncyDoves · 03/12/2017 18:12

Resting bitch face?

JollyGiraffe · 03/12/2017 18:13

They may be intimidated by your beauty! Grin

Namethecat · 03/12/2017 18:17

I know my ' resting ' face is a bit miserable looking. Could your friend be a bit more outgoing and smiley looking so perhaps looks more approachable than you. Or perhaps she ' projects ' into the room more than you. Do you focus on the people you are with rather than glance and smile,make eye contact with the men that are milling around ?

Julie8008 · 03/12/2017 18:21

Have you tried chatting up any men? Maybe your mate is proactive?

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:24

JollyGiraffe I'd love that to be the case but I think Flouncy's theory might be closer to the mark Grin

Namethecat I definitely just concentrate on the company I'm in because I don't go out looking for men and I'd feel a bit ignorant looking about instead of concentrating on my friends. But I've never noticed my friend doing that either, but all of a sudden a man's there chatting to her and two minutes later they're kissing. Never once has even the chatting happened to me (I wouldn't fancy the kissing strangers). I need to find a way to give out more friendly vibes.

OP posts:
TrojansAreSmegheads · 03/12/2017 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldlaundbooth · 03/12/2017 18:25

Do you smile and seem friendly?

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:27

Julie honestly she isn't. We can just be having a drink together and all of a sudden a man's there chatting her up. The only time I've made a play for a man on a night out it was a success, but he was a friend of a friend so I was introduced to him. He was gorgeous and asked me for a drink the next week and for some unfathomable reason I turned him down. Still regret that!

OP posts:
NC4now · 03/12/2017 18:29

Eye contact?

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:32

I hope so old. I'm definitely smiling and laughing with my friends.

OP posts:
ChameNangerRanger · 03/12/2017 18:33

Well.... you've said you wouldn't be up for snogging strangers on the night, she does do that. Maybe it comes across somehow that she's more 'up for it'?

Don't blame you for musing on it but I don't think you're doing things the wrong way at all. Do any of these 'pulls' work out well long term for her?

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:33

Yeah, I never make eye contact because I never pay attention to who's my the room except who I'm with. Maybe she's making eye contact that I just don't notice.

OP posts:
Ttbb · 03/12/2017 18:35

Most likely resting bitch face. I only get chatted up if I smile. It's a blessing really. Try smiling loads next time and see if it changes things.

Council · 03/12/2017 18:36

IMO (which might be a bit rusty!) It's entirely to do with how much fun you appear to be having. When me and my friends were out on the pull, in the days when the evening ended with a slow dance, we'd stand there going "rhubarb rubarb rubarb" and laughing a lot. Worked without fail.

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:36

Chame one of her town pulls ended up being a long term boyfriend and the one from last night has asked her out for a drink next week, so some of them seem to last longer than the one night. I'm 30 soon and beginning to worry I'll be single forever.

OP posts:
Nomoresugar · 03/12/2017 18:42

I may be wrong but seems like she's giving off vibes and men are picking up on that.

Do you genuinely want to date or do you feel like it something you need to fulfill based on society's expectations to hook up all the time?

scrabbler3 · 03/12/2017 18:43

If you're attractive + surly looking, most men will think they've no chance and won't bother to try. No one wants to risk a knockback.

KingLooieCatz · 03/12/2017 18:46

I knew someone like that. Nice enough but not stunning looking, didn't particularly make an effort to dress up, not flirtatious or "come hithery" in the slightest. Always pulled. Absolutely never failed.

I have been chatted up on about 5 occasions in my entire life. I have had the odd fella chase me a bit, all since I've been married and they all knew it. What is going on?!

Viviennemary · 03/12/2017 18:48

You must try and look as if you want to be chatted up. But I agree some women do see to get chatted up and asked out more than others. It must be horrible to be a man approach a woman in a friendly way only to be knocked back.

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:48

Nomoresugar I've always been very happily single and I've got a friend I sleep with regularly and I've been happy with that, but just recently I've been thinking that it might be quite nice to be in a relationship again. I'm not particularly interested in picking someone up in town and having a one night stand because if it's just sex then I can get that from my friend, but I would like to meet someone to go out with.

On a slightly different note related to that one of my oldest friends (not the FWB one) asked me on a 'date' a few weeks ago. He's funny, clever and interesting and we get on brilliantly, but I just don't fancy him. I wish I did!

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 03/12/2017 18:49

No disrespect to your friend but maybe she looks willing for it to be a one night stand ... maybe you look a little more relationship material and they don't want one. In other words, these men aren't worth having and you'll find a proper, decent, lovely man soon when you least expect it Flowers

TheHandmaidsTail · 03/12/2017 18:50

I always used to "pull" when I was young and attractive but I was quite good at the whole eye contact, coy looking away rubbish. These days I'd probably just look as though I had something in my eye.

BaldricksTrousers · 03/12/2017 18:50

I never got chatted up/flirted with until I lost a hell of a lot of weight through illness. Suddenly I had everyone telling me how great I looked, although I felt completely terrible most of the time.

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:50

Exactly that King! She never, ever fails. I truly believe there's a secret she won't let me in on! Grin

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/12/2017 18:51

I have a friend (have known her for decades) who even now (we are in our sixties) she gets chatted up whenever we go out - whether it's for coffee, a pint, church socials, lunch - every single time some bloke will start up a conversation with her and show an obvious interest in getting to know her better.

She dresses very modestly, isn't remotely flirty and does nothing to encourage them. But she gets the men.

(I wouldn't care, but she has got nothing that haven't got, except for looks, charm, personality and good dress sense . . . )

She is married to the most selfish twat I have ever met - and he's not even good-looking. None of us know why she is with him - she's really beautiful and such a kind, generous person.

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