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Original poster

To wonder why I never get chatted up?

80 replies

Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 18:10

Went on a night out with two friends last night, and my best friend once again was chatted up by a man who's asking her out for a drink today. She seems to get chatted up and 'pulls' on every night we go on.

I, on the other hand, never ever am. Men never introduce themselves and never try to talk to me. I've been single for nearly ten years. I've had FWB situations with existing friends but never have anyone interested on nights out. It doesn't bother me too much but what is the key? How do some women have men flocking to them on every night out while others never get a hello? At risk of sounding arrogant I think I'm relatively good looking so I don't think it's my looks putting men off, but it's definitely something.

OP posts:
lanbro · 03/12/2017 18:55

When I was your age and single I never got chatted up, I'm told I'm pretty fit!! Was very frustrating. Now I'm older and newly separated I'm being chatted up left, right and centre! I'm definitely happier in myself these days and I think that's showing!

JingleBellsFartlekSmells · 03/12/2017 18:57

Go speed dating. It'll sort the wheat from the chaff and they'll have no choice but to chat to you. My DH would not have chatted me up randomly because he thought I wouldn't go for him (to be fair he was my last choice that night...not that I'm shit hot or anything, he was a slow burner) Be pro-active!

GwenStaceyRocks · 03/12/2017 18:57

She's sending out signals that you're missing. I used to be the exact same as you. I couldn't understand what the difference was. Then one night, I decided to be more smiley and hold eye contact with men. When they came over to chat, I focused on them and basically used all the techniques from Would Like To Meet. It worked.I went home with a phone number and an invite out for a drink the following week.
I never did it again. I just wanted to see what the difference was Grin

DingleBerries · 03/12/2017 18:59

no disrespect to your friend but maybe she looks willing for a one night stand?

Wowzers for the lost cuntish remark.
How did you get the that thought exactly?
You sexist, judgmental twat.

ThisLittleKitty · 03/12/2017 18:59

Really? I don't think it's eye contact. I use to get chatted up all the time whilst out by men I had never even noticed! I certainly wasn't "sending out signals" doubt anyone would chat me up now 4 kids and 4 stone later..

ManicUnicorn · 03/12/2017 19:04

I don't know OP. I'm the same, Ive just accepted it as the norm that men don't find me attractive for whatever reason. My cousin was very much like your friend though, she's happily in a long term relationship now, but before that would get men flocking to her without even trying. I remember being at a big family wedding once and a man literally climbing over me and another female cousin to chat to her, because she was sat next to us. It was like we were invisiable.

I don' t think I'm that hideous, and my other cousin certainly isn't!

FurryLittleTwerp · 03/12/2017 19:08

Do you give off vibes that are too "intelligent"?

It's pretty shit I know, but a lot of men are put off by bright women.

It also might be worth going out on the pull soon after meeting your FWB - certainly puts a glint in my eye & I seem to get a lot more attention for a couple of days!

Shock
Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 19:08

lanpro I'm pleased you're feeling happier in yourself! One thing I'm definitely confident of though is my looks. Sometimes I worry that I look arrogant and that puts people off.

Maybe I should try that experiment Gwen, see if it works!

OP posts:
mummyretired · 03/12/2017 19:08

I used to be that person and had some trouble switching off the signals when I got married. And then switching back on again. Fading now, sadly.
I'd describe it as eye contact and looking relaxed and interested in what's going on around you. When younger I always found 'looks approachable and good natured' got the most attention from men not necessarily looking for a ONS.

Cheekyandfreaky · 03/12/2017 19:09

I used to get chatted up a lot, it was always the way I carried myself I think. I used to spend AGES getting ready and wouldn’t leave the house until I felt gorgeous. I might not have been but I certainly felt I was and men would approach me all the time and this is the really arrogant part- I expected to pull.

Now I have two kids and barely anytime to get ready when I do leave the house so often I just think ‘that’ll do’. I definitely don’t walk around thinking I’m hot stuff now and if someone chatted me up I would be completely baffled.

Sparklesocks · 03/12/2017 19:11

I do think some people give off these vibes/energy that makes them approachable. I can’t really detail what that entails, but I think have friends like that!

Cheekyandfreaky · 03/12/2017 19:12

By the way I met my DH through my sister and we were friends for a while before I clocked that I loved him. I don’t think he ever chatted me up. All those men I met on nights out were just ego boosts for the evening.

NachoAddict · 03/12/2017 19:15

I am average looking at best and get chatted up a lot. Even on public transport in the middle of the day.

I smile at people, men and women, make eye contact and happily chat to strangers. I am often told I have a friendly face. On the downside I ALWAYS get stopped by people selling things, charity people, promo people so being approachable isnt always a blessing.

Coconutspongexo · 03/12/2017 19:16

I’m the same, it’s very very rare I’m ever chatted up and when I am it’s always by very drunk married men in their late 50s.

My mates are constantly being chatted up wherever we go not just on nights out, I don’t reallt go out on nights with them anymore as it upsets me for days. My dad always says they’re intimidated by my beauty Grin he has to say that, he’s my dad.

I think certain people though no matter how they look have a certain aura/welcoming feeling that causes people to just instantly ‘gravitate’ to them.

DeStijl · 03/12/2017 19:19

I used to do what I thought was a 'sassy Beyoncé up in the club' type face on nights out... I just looked angry and never got chatted up Grin I cringe when I look at photos now. Met my OH on a night when I was a little bit too tipsy to remember sass face and I must have looked friendlier.

Rebeccaslicker · 03/12/2017 19:20

Interesting - I wonder if perhaps your "friends with benefits" arrangement is subconsciously putting you off looking properly? I know I didn't really look at men or notice them when I was still involved with my ex (mine was the opposite though - all the emotional headache and none of the fun sex, god I was dumb!!). Once I finally cut that tie, I met lots of men including DP.

As for your friend - some girls just do get chatted up because they have a look that men like. I've always sworn the magic formula is being blonde, size 10 and 5'4"!! Looking at my group of schoolmates, at least 4 of them are genuinely beautiful. One did a lot of modelling when we were about 20. But it's one of the other girls who gets all of the attention. She's attractive but you would never think men would fancy her more than the real beauties. She clearly just has "it"!

TheHandmaidsTail · 03/12/2017 19:21

Some of the comments about women who do pull are making me laugh

But then I was sometimes up for a ONS, whilst simultaneously being intelligent, so not sure where that places me Grin.

Touchmybum · 03/12/2017 19:22

I'd be the same - and I've always had friends who get chatted up all the time. I don't really know what the difference is, but I definitely think they gave off a different vibe to me!

octonaught · 03/12/2017 19:22

What is Would Like To Meet ?

Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 19:29

Rebeccaslicker I've wondered that about FWB. He's been a grade A cunt over this past year though and I think that's why I've finally started thinking about other men instead of mooning over him, the arsehole.

I think I need to try and appear more friendly when I'm out, that seems to be the most prevalent view. My friend is very friendly and easy company.

OP posts:
Original poster
Southerntimesx · 03/12/2017 19:30

I don't know what you mean octonaught?

OP posts:
omBreROSE · 03/12/2017 19:31

I’m constantly chatted up. Wherever l am. I blame my perfume Grin
I get it at work ( retail)
I get it in the street... l’m 46!
I didn’t get it so much a younger woman.
Now, all age groups try it onConfused
I’ve been married 23 years.

TheHandmaidsTail · 03/12/2017 19:35

Aha! So you have been mooning over him. That's why you aren't being chatted up, you are not interested and the men can sense it.

Get rid or a new FWB and they will be beating a path to your door Wink

MoragG · 03/12/2017 19:38

Would like to meet was a tv programme. Various experts advising the participants on body language, what to say etc. on a date.

roundaboutthetown · 03/12/2017 19:45

A man is not going to make the effort if you only have eyes for the friends you arrived with and he thinks you're probably out of his league anyway and likely to tell him as much... And if one minute your friend is chatting and the next snogging a random stranger who has only just come over to chat her up, you can be 100% certain she did not come out with the intention of only talking to you all night, so regardless of whether you see it happening, she is paying more attention to her surroundings than you are!!!

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